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1. Penelope. It’s a teeny little film with Christina Ricci, Reese Witherspoon and James McAvoy (who, even though he looks like he needs a good shampooin’, is still super-yummy). There’s a curse on her family, she’s born with a pig snout instead of a nose, only a blue blood male who marries her can break the curse, etc. I don’t understand why it wasn’t a bigger hit. It’s cute and sweet and while it’s a fairy tale it doesn’t feel childish or simple. The only thing that irks me is that everyone is like, “She’s a hideous monster! She’s a pigface! The horror!” People flinging themselves through plate glass windows, for God’s sake. And she looks like this:

I think she looks kinda sweet. It really hurts one’s self-esteem when someone who looks like Christina Ricci (hot) with a pig snout (cute) is treated like a leper whose critical parts have fallen off. It made me not want to go outside for fear people would hurl themselves in front of buses. But other than that, good film, you should rent it.

2. Hellboy II. Yeah, there’s a plot. It’s not good. And the dialogue, that’s not good either. But the costumes and special effects are phenomenal. Guillermo del Toro is very similiar to Julie Taymor (the woman who came up with the costumes and sets for Lion King on Broadway). I recommended afterwards that one should rent Hellboy II, turn the volume off and play Nine Inch Nail’s “The Downward Spiral” while watching the film. That would be perfect. One thing I thought was a bad design decision was this: there are elves, and when they die, they turn into stone sculptures. The problem is the stone sculptures are cream/yellow-colored, so they look identical to a butter sculpture of Garth Brooks from the Iowa State Fair. So one of them dies and we the audience are supposed to be moved, and I’m sitting there trying not to think about smearing these elves on toast. But the troll market sequence is gorgeously designed and very textural and visually stimulating, so that’s terrific.

If you’re wondering why I didn’t see Batman, it’s because it was sold out until 1:00 a.m. and the lines were out the door. The IMAX is sold out for another two weeks, so eventually I’ll get around to seeing the damn thing. Then I’ll comment on whether it is worth all the hoopla.

I finished the book “Jewels: A Secret History”. If you’re like me and you just cannot get enough of the bling, this is a good book for you. If you enjoy reading romantic stories, you may explore a passion novels websites.

I learned a great deal about my sparkly friends. For example, diamonds aren’t rare. Really, I’m not kidding. Rubies and emeralds, they’re rare. Some prefer emerald engagement rings over diamond rings. Diamonds are all over the damn place – Russia, Canada, Africa. How the diamond market works is De Beers pretty much owns all of the diamonds and releases them in little batches so they have complete control over how many are circulating at any time.

Another interesting fact: sapphires are colorless in the dark. When you introduce them to light, they do this weird scientific thing that I barely understand, they exchange molecules back and forth, zip zip zip, and that makes them blue. If they don’t exchange a great deal of molecules back and forth, they’re not as blue. So when you see a sapphire, it’s doing some cool transfer of molecules, it’s not just a rock interpreting light rays. Oh, one more cool fact: diamonds, while known as the strongest stone, are actually quite brittle and can break and crack easily. One of the least breakable stones? Jade. Even though it is easily scratched, because it is fibrous, you can grind it under your heel and it won’t splinter like a diamond.

Anyway, long story short, if you like learning new things, I would recommend this book. The author speaks to the miners and the dealers and you really get a picture of the whole process. It’s fascinating.

Jewels: A Secret History

I’ve been inundated with the Fresh Prince recently. I saw I Am Legend last week, and then I saw The Pursuit of Happyness Saturday night. A lotta Smith, people. First, I Am Legend. It’s a great movie, up until it isn’t anymore, which is about twenty-five minutes from the end. But up until then, awesome. It’s very similiar to Castaway, because it’s just Will talking to his dog (who is named Samantha, but I would have been ecstatic if her name was Wilson. How freakin’ cool would that be?) for two hours. Oh, he also talks to mannequins and the badly-animated vampire-creatures that are animated badly. Also, badly animated. I mean, c’mon people, it’s 2007! They look like they were created around the time The Mummy came out. I’m a total fraidy-cat and I was not afraid. But seeing the shots of Manhattan completely deserted with grass growing everywhere and deer prancing around Times Square* is totally worth the ticket price.

On Saturday I went to a friend’s house. He decided to get a present for himself, and the present was an unreal TV situation. There’s the projector attached to the ceiling that shows movies on the 10′ screen in perfect resolution. And there’s the surround-sound speakers. And the giant comfy couches. It’s like the Sony screening room in his basement. Anyway, we saw The Pursuit of Happyness on the screen and here’s the problem: it’s a depressing movie (uplifting story, my hindquarters), but on the giant screen with the killer sound, it’s just that much more depressing. It was IMAX-sized depressing. I have decided that if I go over to his house, I will only watch chipper movies because I’m still bummed out. If you want to, see The Pursuit of Happyness. But don’t blame me if you walk around with a mopey face for days afterwards. I take no responsibility for that.

* The deer are badly animated as well. But who cares? They’re eating grass in Times Square, their hooves clippity-cloppitying on the asphalt. The coolness of the scenario outways the poopiness of the CGI.