Archive for the ‘New York’ Category

A horribly delayed “The Police” Concert entry.

Thursday, November 8th, 2007

This week has be cah-ray-zee. I’m trying to buy an apartment (we will discuss this later when I actually have more information on it). And I’m trying to make product for my online store. And I’m trying to build my online store on the computer (soooo much more complicated then I anticipated, must leave lots of time for that). And I’m trying to move out of my beloved tiny Manhattan apartment. And I’m trying to do all these thing RIGHT NOW, which means I am running out of time for things like blogging and breathing and bathing. But enough with the complaining. The Police! I saw them at Madison Square Garden! And it was neat! I will give you a succinct review right now: Their music continues to be awesome, but because they are old (by punk standards), they don’t have the fire that is required to really bang that music out. I must say, though, that all three of them are consummate musicians and while I originally came to see Sting, the real star of the show was Stewart Copeland (the drummer). He was working the kettle drums and these wee chimes that go tingy tingy and a gigantic gong. He was spectacular. And the guitarist Andy Summer was also amazing, but he has the personality of wet dead fish, so however good he is, he is still difficult to watch. It was Halloween and it was no shocker he was dressed at Charlie Chaplin. Now he can use his costume as an excuse to not talk or really move around. Good choice. Sting was dressed at a harlequin with a yellow and black diamond pattern and a festive glittery codpiece, lest we forget his tantric eight-hour love-making sessions. Stewart was dressed as a zombie with an Egyptian headdress (a cobra I think) but since he kind of resembles a zombie to begin with, not much of a stretch there for him. And now the pictures.

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On every seat in the whole freakin’ arena (30,000 seats) they put masks on each armrest. Because it is Halloween. Isn’t that nice?

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Close-up of the mask. You can’t appreciate it in the photo, but it’s a sparkly holographic mask. Oooooooh.

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They has some of the best lighting design for this show. They had lights all around the edge of the oval stage and then lights that moved up and down behind them. And, AND, they had the required screens so people in the nosebleed section could see Sting’s face. Underneath that they had another screeny thing that projected patterns. It this particular picture you can see the 80’s style lighting they chose to open with.

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In this picture you can truly appreciate how dead Stewart Copeland looks. He’s on the screen on the left.

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And then they had lights! Lights all over the audience! Whee! Lots of lights! Can’t remember what song this was for, but it worked with the big white lights flashing all over the arena.

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And then they sang “Roxanne.” The lighting designer heard the phrase, “You don’t have to put on the red light” and all he heard was RED LIGHTS! LOTS OF RED LIGHTS! The photo above is only the beginning.

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TURN ON THE RED LIGHTS! TURN ON THE GODDAMNED RED LIGHTS, ROXANNE!

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Then Sting took off his harlequin mask and sang “Every Breath You Take” which is my favorite song from the 80’s and one of my favorite songs of all time. And it was LAME. You need a certain sexy psycho stalker vibe going on when you sing that song, and Sting is old and has like ten kids and he’s over the stalker crazy thing, so he sang the song like a stinkin’ lullaby. I was sad. And that was the end of the concert. I would say it was good and I would recommend that you go because the three of them are amazing musicians, but don’t expect the same fire and vigor that they had in their heyday. But worth going to.

Four totally unrelated items.

Wednesday, October 31st, 2007

1. I was driving this weekend to Expo, the Home Depot design center (fancy tiles, rugs, curtains, etc.) and I drove past Walter’s in Larchmont, NY. It is a Chinese-style building from 1919 that sells… hot dogs. And all the wealthy locals drive up in their Lexii and line up for the hot dogs. Cricket and I just had to try it out. Because I avoid meat (I’m not a die-hard vegetarian, but I make an effort) Cricket got a hot dog and I got potato puffs (fried mashed potatoes, like little croquettes). And we got sweet spuds to share (tempura-battered sweet potato sticks). I can only comment on the tuber-foods, but the potato puffs were excellent and the sweet spuds were delicious, melt-in-your-mouth good. I don’t know if I would drive all the way to Larchmont just to relive the experience, but if I passed by there and I was hungry, I might partake in the deliciousness once again. Now, photos.

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2. Not like anyone doesn’t know this, but there are crazy people in New York. Lots of them. And many of them have so very much to share. They desperately want to tell you about how the aliens planted a probe and now they know the truth about 9/11 and Iran because they can hear the government’s thoughts. One lady handed me a piece of paper with tiny tiny writing on it about… something, her mother being raped in the seventies and pictures of her mother’s driver’s license, I couldn’t figure it out. There’s another guy who hangs out in Midtown with big placards, maybe seven of them, just COVERED in text about how he invented the cooling thing in the refrigerator and how the patent was stolen from him and how he is owed 25 billion dollars. Well, in my neighborhood, I have my local crazy. He posts collages of stuff with his comments written on them. I don’t know if this makes me a bad person, but all I can think of when I see them is, “He may be kookoobee, but he’s got lovely penmanship.”

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3. There’s this poster you see around town for a food thing. It’s a woman, all seductive-like, posing with a crawfish on her shoulder. Here’s the problem: the crawfish has little eyeflaps, like little eyelids, that curve down in the center and make him look really really angry. So the picture is of woman cooing to this furious crawfish.
“I think you’re handsome.”
“I AM FILLED WITH RAGE!”
“Your claws are sooo sexy.”
“IT IS LIKE A FIRE THAT CONSUMES ME!!!”
I think perhaps they should have picked a different food item to rest on her shoulder. Prawns look pretty benign, although a little surprised (“HUH?!??”). Here is a picture of the ad.

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And here is a close-up of Livid Crawfish.

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It probably doesn’t help that he looks like a demonic alien to begin with.

4. Update on the hideous rat ornament: It now has a bandanna and dreadlocks. I don’t think it’s helping.

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Now it’s just a rastafarian nightmare. I can’t wait for Halloween to be over.

P.S. Tonight I’m seeing The Police in concert at Madison Square Garden. Oh, this is so exciting!

More tile ads and a truly hideous Halloween ornament.

Friday, October 26th, 2007

1. I did some nice-looking ads for NewCastleNOW. I’m particularly proud of my JV Volleyball one. It looks like an ad you’d see on Yahoo or Amazon. I’m a professional graphic designer, like the big boys! I can go on the big slide!

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I’m also pleased with my banner ad for the sneaker drive. The only concern I have with it is all the text on it. People, if you’re reading this site and I build ads for you, please remember that these tile ads are small. Really small. Super-wee-small. If I put a whole paragraph of 6 point text on there it will cause your viewers to squint and say to their spouses, “Spouse, can you read this to me?” And the spouse will say, “Get up and get your glasses, what do I look like, your servant?” and then your viewer will get up, not noticing the internet cord on the floor and they will trip over it and hit their head on the bookshelf and get a nasty bump on their head and hate your website forever. Just something to think about.

2. I walk to work every day. I was walking past Ricky’s on 57th and was startled by this atrocious Halloween decoration.

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I assume it’s supposed to be a rat. I’ve seen rats often in my travels around Manhattan, and while I can understand why some people don’t like them, they’re not revolting. They’re kind of big-butted and they snuffle around trash heaps looking for nibbles and keeping to themselves. This thing, first of all, is really big. It’s three feet tall. And it looks like a sloth mated with a tazmanian devil and their offspring fell into a vat of nuclear waste mixed with thalidomide. If I was seven and tromping around my neighborhood gathering sweeties and I sauntered up onto a porch with this displayed on it, I would run screaming from the house and develop an unhealthy and irrational fear of large-assed rodents (That includes beavers and porcupines). Trauma for years to come. So while a fan of most Halloween beasties (and real rats), this particular specimen is wretched.

I love Halloweentime. Cannot get enough of owls. (And partridges. And butterflies.)

Wednesday, October 17th, 2007

Even the fancy-shmancy stores have halloweeny beasties in their displays. For example, I walked past Maison du Chocolat in Rockefeller Center the other evening and they had a chocolate pumpkin with a little chocolate moonscape complete with a cutie owl! I was so pleased. I didn’t get one because I didn’t feel like selling a kidney off for some chocolate, but I took a picture.

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I’ve been cranking jewelry like it’s going out of fashion for the online store. I’ve made a selection of jewelry with partridges. They’ve got little eggs in them, it’s quite sweet. And butterflies. Here’s a teaser picture to give you an idea.

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The birds have little Swarovski crystals for eyes. The butterflies are going to get some too. There will be better pictures when I put them up in the store. I’m very excited about them. More cool patterns to come, so keep an eye out!

Starbucks, mezuzah and the cactus. Also, Peppy.

Monday, October 1st, 2007

1. I was at Starbucks the other day picking up a grande soy no whip hot chocolate (stop that, I don’t judge you) and you know how they hand-draw those signs on the wall? “Try a pecan walnut mocha bar with your pumpkin latte today!” Those signs. The one in the Starbucks I was at was this cool Edward Gorey ribbon with text on it. I was very impressed. I took a picture.

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Go Starbucks on 52nd Street with your gothic Victorian-ness. You rock.

2. I finished the mezuzah this weekend. I also went to the Bloomsburg Fair, this mammoth fair in Pennsylvania, on Saturday and I will upload pictures soon. Back to the mezuzah. It looks awesome. I’m so very proud of myself. Check it out.

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So apparently I have designed the first and only Halloween mezuzah. Spoooky mezuzah. The copper leafing turned out well and the colors are still strong. I’m a happy camper. Now on to the next project.

3. Do you remember the giant freak cactus I mentioned previously? The one where they grafted one freaky cactus to another freaky cactus and created the Megatron super-cactus? Here’s a pic to refresh your memory.

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Well, I went to Home Depot this weekend to buy some Dremel parts and they had a mini version of my cactus! OMGLOLBBQ! The major setback in purchasing the giant cactus was that it was $150, and I don’t care how awesome a plant is, I’m not paying over a hundred bucks for it. So I got my wee 6-inch cactus, and I will love it and pet it until it gets big and that will be fine. Here are pics of my new bestest cactus friend (along with a pony tail palm tree that I also had to have).

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4. Occasionally I will pass a newsstand and an old man will be there. Accompanying this old man is an equally old dog named Peppy. Peppy was once at some time peppy, but now he is sendentary. And sweet. I always pet him and make cooing noises at him, probably that he doesn’t hear because he’s deaf. I finally walked by when he was there and I got a picture of him. Enjoy this moment with Peppy the (no-longer-accurately-named) Pomeranian. And do not fail to notice the incredibly screwed-up teeth on his lower jaw. This dog needs braces, yo.

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Remember obese sidewalk chihuahua?

Tuesday, September 11th, 2007

I saw her again. Same spot, laying in the same way. I talked to her owner for a little while and got some background goodness on her. She’s not old at all, just fat. She has a glandular condition. She was a stray that this lady found. She’s a super-nice dog. However, her belly sometimes drags on the ground and in doing that she picked up a piece of glass in her poochy belly and had to have surgery to have it removed. (Awwww. Poor beastie.) So you’ll notice that in one of these pictures, she has a bandage on her abdomen. But I got to pet her and she was a sweet dog. I wish her best of luck in her recovery.

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My triptych/Meerkat Manor.

Monday, August 20th, 2007

1. Meerkat Manor. Has anyone been seeing these ads where they compare Flower the Meerkat to Tony Soprano? Are they not HYSTERICAL? Maybe they’re hysterical to me because I’ve met real live authentic meerkats who, even though they kill scorpions and do lots of other brave things, are possibly the least intimidating creatures ever. First of all, they’re less than a foot long. They’re really small. Second, they make adorable little chirping and clicking noises to each other to communicate, it’s precious. Third, and possibly most important, they cuddle and snuggle when they’re in love. Not just a mate-and-saunter-off like the lions, no no, they snuggle up to each other and they chirp at each other and I’m sorry, that does not cause the New Jersey Mafia to just pop into your mind. Here’s the picture that caused me to snort loudly in the middle of the street.

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2. Triptych. I can’t deal with this painting right now. I will keep working it and working it until it turns into a giant blurry mass, so I have put it aside and returned to my roots – anal, crazily detailed painting. Mmmmm, so tasty and OCD-licious. Here is a picture of my sad lonely unloved triptych neatly piled in the corner.

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The Rolo Incident.

Sunday, August 19th, 2007

When my mom and I go to the theater, we like to have chocolaty nibbles. It’s not permitted in theaters, so we have to have a chocolate substance that can be surreptitiously snorked down without the ushers/enforcers seeing us. Rolos work well for this purpose. So when we saw Deuce last week Rolos were also in attendance. I put the open Rolo tube in my purse and it appears that one of the Rolos broke free of its moorings and went rogue in my purse where it proceeded to melt and smear caramel all over my camera, phone, keys and various other belongings where caramel need not be. For the past week I’ve been finding things in my purse and they’re sticky. I have been forced to suck caramel off some of my possessions. (Rubbing it with a wet paper towel doesn’t work. It just rips the paper towel. You need to have spit and suction. Trust me. I’ve lived through this for a week.) And when I think it’s all under control, New Sticky Object rears its head. There’s no point to this, just that I’ve got sticky possessions and it sucks. Well, technically, I suck (caramel off things) but you understand.

Famous people.

Thursday, August 16th, 2007

Yesterday was my big ole brush with the famous folk. My favorite was the first. Let me start at the beginning. I went to the International Gift Show at the Javitz Center with my mom (nice show, not a great deal of envelope-pushing, I was whelmed). After walking the entire gift show for six hours we went and got some sushi at Monster Sushi (best shumai anywhere) and then got tickets to Deuce. Angela Lansbury is in it and since she’s 81 I figured I’d better see her now, who knows when she’ll be back on Broadway again, if ever. So we go to the theater and (I’m going to scream the rest of this sentence) STEPHEN SONDHEIM WALKED IN, STOOD IN LINE AND BOUGHT TICKETS. LIKE A REGULAR PERSON. STOOD IN LINE. FOR A SHOW STARRING THE WOMAN WHO GOT A TONY PERFORMING IN HIS SHOW. Why the hell was he standing in line for a Broadway show? That’s like Derek Jeter standing in line with the peasants for tickets to a baseball game. I’m pretty proud of this, I behaved myself and only squeezed my mom’s arm until she squeaked in pain. (I probably gave her a nasty bruise, she bruises easily. Sorry Mom.) Then I saw Deuce, which was excellent, and afterwards, since the weather was so nice, I stood outside and waited for Ms. Lansbury. She signed lots of autographs for people and smiled and waved and chatted, truly a class act. Then, because Frost/Nixon was playing across the street (which I saw last week), I walked across and waited for Frank Langella to come out. Apparently he had visitors because we waited and waited and waited. And also waited. But we were rewarded! For out of the stage door came – James Earl Jones! He was the visitor! I love James Earl Jones. He spoke at my college graduation. Super-sweet guy. HUGE. Like tall and wide. Big fella. Then this character actor came out, he was visiting too, I looked up his name on IMDB, his name is Dylan Baker. He played a profoundly creepy pedophile in the movie Happiness and that is how I will remember him forever. He’s married to actress Becky Ann Baker who was in one of my favorite musicals Assassins WRITTEN BY STEPHEN SONDHEIM (see how everything comes full circle? Huh? See? Huh?) And then Frank Langella came out. My God, he’s gorgeous. Really. Like aside from being handsome, he has wrinkle-free skin. And he’s sixty-eight. No wrinkles. Whatever voodoo goat blood he bathes in at night is totally working for him. My goodness. By now it was 11:30 and I had been on my feet all day gift-showing and whatnot, and I went home. So for those of you keeping track, it was:

1. STEPHEN SONDHEIM. (Bruised My Mother.)
2. Angela Lansbury. (Classy British lady.)
3. James Earl Jones (“Luke, this is CNN.”)
4. Dylan Baker (Creepy Pedophile Character Actor.)
5. Frank Langella (Voodoo Goat’s Blood.)

P.S. STEPHEN SONDHEIM.

Firefly and a New York tidbit.

Tuesday, August 14th, 2007

1. I watched the entire “Firefly” series this past week. For those who don’t know, it was a short-run series on FOX. People got really devoted to it and got a might pissy when it was cancelled (in 2003, I believe). I am reticent to watch anything sci-fi because more often then not, sci-fi takes itself so SERIOUSLY. Star Trek is a good example. So is Star Wars. Everyone is having very serious, furrowed-brow conversation about something or another. Also, more often then not, there are stupid-looking human interpretations of how aliens will look (*cough*Klingon*cough*). So it was with reservations that I watched “Firefly”. It was excellent. There’s no other way to describe it. It follows a group of people trying to make it day by day five hundred years in the future. They have problems, they have fears, they have joys, they have truly funny situations. It’s totally relatable even though there are spaceships and lasers. It’s almost like going five hundred years into the past, things then were the same (work, sickness, marriage, children, war, etc) but it was just differently handled. I am sorry that it was cancelled. I wish I could have watched more.

2. There’s a home near where I live on the West Side of Manhattan that houses drug addicts and homeless people. In return they pump you full of bible-y goodness. They had the best sign and I had been meaning to photograph it for years, but yesterday I noticed they had had it redone.

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The old sign looked almost exactly the same, except the text was all red and it didn’t have the white outline. Imagine walking home and seeing red neon glaring at you: “SIN WILL FIND YOU OUT”. I’m not Christian and I don’t drink or do particularly lascivious things, but that sign would make me look around, making sure no big heavenly spirit with enormous wings was going to place a searing hand on my shoulder and then force me to relive all my naughtinesses on a big screen while toasting my toes over flames.
“Look at all the things you coveted!”
“Ahhhhhh! Yes, I wanted stuff! I’m bad! Stop with the fire!”
“And the men you consorted with!”
“Ahhhhh! Yes, that’s bad too…oh, I remember him. If I remember correctly, he wasn’t bad at all, if you know what I’m sayin’ – Sorry! Sorry! Hothot hot hothothot!”
The new sign looks so much more chipper, almost Vegas. “SIN WILL FIND YOU OUT! AND WE HAVE SLOTS!” It’s not quite as soul-scouring.