Archive for the ‘Teh Intarwebz’ Category

Things I have liked recently.

Friday, April 11th, 2014

1. http://onestarbookreview.tumblr.com/

One star book reviews. I especially appreciated this one because I often hate classical books:

“The evidence is mounting. I am a philistine.”

 

2. I didn’t ride on it the last time I was there, but there’s a Bug Carousel at The Bronx Zoo! I adore the dung beetle bench. If I ever got married, me and my beau would need to take fancy wedding pictures on the dung beetle bench.

bronxzoo.020 BugCarousel_BronxZoo bronxzoo.019 bronxzoo.014 bronxzoo.012 6

 

3. I now want to make see-through stickers and put them on things.

XNEU

 

4. I received some spam as I do on a regular basis. I was going to delete it, but before I did I noticed that it was sent from someone who’s name was “Breast Nexus.” Is that not the greatest name from a steamy romance novel? Seriously. I typed “Breast Nexus” into Google and got this:

breast-nexus

Wow. Okay. This photoshop then immediately had to be made.

madame-bovine-ovary

Japan 2014, Part 11.

Monday, March 24th, 2014

Before we get started today, I’d like to introduce you to one of my favorite desserts that I discovered accidentally. I bought it one day at a coffee shop near our hotel in Kyoto and I made The Moomins go back there every morning for three days afterwards to get it (it wasn’t really a sacrifice for The Moomins, the coffee shop had good hot black tea which she loved, everyone wins). I didn’t know what it was but I like light green so I figured how bad could it be?

melon-bun2 melon-bun1

OMG GUYS. It was a soft bread like challah covered with a layer of honeydew melon royal icing and filled with cantaloupe custard. Ohhhhhh, so good. I love melon-flavored anything, especially honeydew, so I was in total heaven. I’ve never seen anything like it here in the states and I fear I may only dream of this delicious treat from now on. It’s okay, I’ll temper my grief with honeydew bubble tea. I’ll get through this. But if anyone sees it at like, a Japanese bakery, could you let me know? I needs mah melon bun.

I ended up with a real Pavlovian situation because all the desserts in Japan are beautiful, often imitating delicate natural elements. When I was in the plum garden I found myself wanting to pull the flowers off the branches and stuff them in my mouth because my brain had now made the connection between pretty pink flowers and sweet delicious treats. Japan gave me pica.

pica-desserts

While we were staying at the Hotel New Akao we went to a neighboring village to see some waterfalls.

waterfalls1

The waterfalls were not crazy-spectacular, but was was cool was seeing how the lava had flowed a gazillion years ago when this area was formed.

waterfalls2

At one point I turned around and grabbed The Moomins’ arm. “What?” she said, thinking something had happened. I said, “Look at those rocks. Those are basalt columns. I’ve always wanted to see hexagonal rock columns. This is SO EXCITING.” She was substantially less excited, but I think she thought it was cute how I was fawning over some stone pillars so she feigned some glee for me.

waterfalls6

Here’s a screengrab I got off of Google Images to give you an idea of how cool they look when they cooled at the just the right speed and there’s no vegetation. I think you have to go to Iceland or Russia to see perfect examples, but I was thoroughly delighted to see these imperfect ones.

rock-column

Off to the side of the waterfall was a little nook in the rock where people could go and sit in the healing waters.

waterfalls3

In order to raise money for the waterfalls to be maintained, the park rangers collect the water-smoothed stones and set up this wishing-well-type-thing on top of this boulder. For 300 yen you could get a small stone and try to toss it into the ring of rocks.

waterfalls4

And here is one of the waterfalls.

waterfalls5

Big old Buddha! That’s not an expletive, I got to go see one in Kamakura, one of the cutest villages I’ve ever been to. He’s made of bronze and they think he’s from 1252, but they’re not really sure. This is from Wikipedia:

That wooden statue version was damaged by a storm in 1248, and the hall containing it was destroyed. The hall was destroyed again by a storm in 1334, was rebuilt, and was damaged by yet another storm in 1369, and was rebuilt yet again. The last building housing the statue was washed away in the tsunami of September 20, 1498, during the Muromachi period. Since then, the Great Buddha has stood in the open air.

Oh, that’s nice. Instead of fire, the temple was destroyed repeatedly by water. Living on the Pacific Rim is rough. At one point in history the Buddha was covered in gold leaf, and there’s a bit left near his ears, but otherwise he’s just bronze. And, not surprisingly, because this is Japan, both the Buddha and everything around him is very photogenic.

kamakura7

Here’s a picture of the Buddha with the incense-holder in front of him.

kamakura2

And here’s a view through the incense holder to the Buddha-sized slippers mounted on the far-away wall off to the right.

kamakura3

You could go inside the Buddha. I have never been inside a diety before, so it was extremely exciting for me. He has windows in his back to let the light in.

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There was a detailed explanation of how the artisans layered the bronze.

kamakura4

Off to the left of the former temple site was a wall of sake and miso. According to our guide Kimi-San companies that make sake, plum wine and miso donate big barrels of their product to various temples for their ceremonies, and the temples display those barrels so the companies get credit for their good deed.

kamakura11

I kept seeing small wooden fences covered with little paper strips. I learned that inside was a box filled with numbered cubes. You shake the box until a cube came out and in front of you is a corresponding bureau with numbered drawers. You take the fortune out of the drawer with the number of your cube and if it’s good you keep it and if it’s bad you tie it to the fence. Kind of like religious Yahtzee (I am so going to hell).

kamakura10

One of the things Kamakura is known for are cookies shaped like pigeons. They don’t taste like anything special, they’re just a crunchy butter cookie, but they’re a big deal. I found a description on this site:

Also popular with Japanese travelers to Kamakura are the crunchy dove-shaped butter cookies known as hato sabure, which have been a popular Kamakura specialty since a local shopkeeper started making his own interpretations of European biscuits in the Meiji era (1868-1912). The name comes from the French word sablé, which in the Japanese pronunciation sounds somewhat similar to the common boy’s name Saburo. The dove motif was inspired by the plaque above the main prayer hall at Tsurugaoka Hachimangu shrine, where the character for “Hachi” is shaped to look like a dove.

kamakura1 kamakura8

If I go back to Japan I will spend an entire day in Kamakura walking around. It looked absolutely charming. In the brief time I was there, I saw this:

kamakura9

The owners were this sweet elderly Japanese couple who had never been anywhere near Pennsylvania, but really dug the whole Amish thing. I honestly was curious what their interpretation of Amish cuisine was, and it was… cheesecake. And apple cake. And tea. So it was a regular tea house. But I appreciated the earnestness of it.

After Kamakura we went to the Gingko Temple, which is called Tsurugaoka Hachimangu I believe. It’s a tough name to say. It was built around a 1,000 ginkgo tree that sadly was uprooted in 2010 during a storm, but there’s a bit of stump left. It’s guarded by two grinning stone statues.

ginkgo-tree-shrine5

It is both a Shinto shrine and a Buddhist temple. See? Friendly religions. Lots of sharing. It never gets old.

ginkgo-tree-shrine4 ginkgo-tree-shrine1 ginkgo-tree-shrine2

As with almost every other temple, you could buy a placard and write your hopes and wishes on it with a Sharpie. After a certain amount of time all the placards are burned in a big bonfire sending your written statements into the sky. At this temple they were gingko-leaf-shaped.

ginkgo-tree-shrine7 ginkgo-tree-shrine8

I heard a rhythmic clanging down the long path to the street, so I thought something relevant or religious was going on. When I finally arrived at the source of the noise, I saw a woman roasting gingko nuts and the sound was her metal spoon banging against the side of the wok, constantly moving the ginkgo nuts so they didn’t burn.

ginkgo-tree-shrine9

I have eaten some gingko nuts in my life (they resemble chestnuts flavor-wise) but never roasted, so I bought a small bag. They came in the shell:

ginkgo-tree-shrine10

Which you had to crack open to reveal the edible part within.

ginkgo-tree-shrine11

I think they could have been roasted a while longer because they still had a bit of a bitter taste, but they were still a nice warm filling snack.

Once again, the kids in Japan are so freakin’ cute. I had to take a picture of this girl engrossed in the guide book while at the temple with her class. So earnest.

ginkgo-tree-shrine12

Some additional photos.

One of my favorite signs. It’s for a homeopathic pharmacy.

favorite-sign

A supported tree. I love how they care about the trees in winter.

supported-tree

A crane on a roof.

crane-on-roof

A dove on a fence.

dove

Two signs for a “Girl’s Bar.” I saw these signs all over. I assumed that they were strip clubs or something of that nature, but I forgot how reserved the Japanese are. Check it out: It means that there’s a girl bartender who is possibly wearing a tight shirt. Or, as we call it in New York, “every bar ever.”

girls-bar-milky girls-bar-joker

Next up – Yokohama and Tokyo.

A few things I like and one thing I do not like.

Friday, January 31st, 2014

Let’s begin with the not-like: I was watching television the other day and I saw a commercial for the truly impressive Grand Prospect Hall. Have you seen this commercial? It is terrific.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JC6AzmXrNbU

First of all, I immediately thought of the “Marble Columns” skit from SNL with Scarlett Johansson (you can watch the whole thing if you want, but her part is at about 1:17). Secondly, you may or may not notice that when the web address is up on the screen, the “s” in the middle is bigger for no reason. I took a photo of my TV in case you can’t watch the video.

font-sadness

…Why? Why is it bigger? Was that a design choice? I don’t understand. It may not bother you at all, but to me it looks like this:

font-failures

And I can’t look away. I guess it’s because I do this for a living and it’s top-of-mind for me. I need to try and let that stuff go. And get invited to a party at the Grand Prospect Hall because that place looks super-fun.

Now, things I like! I saw these while trawling the web for treasures and I thought they were cool.

tumblr_mybszi9ewH1qb5gkjo1_500 tumblr_mz577s7WEk1qb5gkjo1_1280 tumblr_mwq1kj3lCY1qjyasqo1_500

Also, there’s this artist named Myriam Dion and she does papercuts with newspapers that are ethereal and delicate and very creative.

dion-1 dion-2 dion-3 dion-6

Festive medley.

Monday, December 23rd, 2013

1. Ghetto hikes. The explanation is at the top of the page. Enjoy yourself.

http://ghettohikes.tumblr.com/

 

2. Also, emojis incorporated into works of art. After studying art history for a whole bunch of years, I enjoy this more than I probably should.

http://emojinalart.tumblr.com/

 

3. Ancient tooth bridge! I think it looks neat.

funny-tooth-dental-work-old

 

4. A few things I’ve noticed on my travels around New York:

a. There is a Victoria’s Secret directly downstairs from my job. I was walking past it and they had some fluffy useless-looking garment in the window.

victorias-secret

Here’s the problem: for some reason I thought the puffs were teats and this was a garment made to look like multiple bosoms. You follow me? Like a dog. Like this.

teats

And I was appalled. I was like, “Is this where fashion is headed??? That is quite enough of that!” But then I looked closer and realized I was wrong and felt pretty damn stupid. Teats at VS? Really, Jessica? Get it together.

b. In keeping with awkward intimates, I was walking through Chelsea where there is a large male gay population. Therefore, many window displays cater to that. I’m all for it. However, bigger is not always better. This store had a pair of shorts in the window that someone had attempted to stuff so as to convey a great amount of masculinity. But they accomplished that by shoving wads of newspapers in there, so what comes across is elephantiasis of the testicles combined with a potential hernia. That does not entice me to buy your shorts, store. Be more particular with your stuffing.

overstuffed-shorts

c. I bought a salad at a McDonald’s recently (have you had their Southwest Salad, because it is delicious) and I noticed a sign on their wall.

waterpark-sign

Oh, they did not bold-facedly rip off the Island of the Bahamas campaign, did they? Yes they did.

ads1 bahamas

They took the diagonal tear-drop-y shape thing with the turquoise tones and everything! Their graphic designers didn’t even try. I was not planning to go to this waterpark because I don’t feel like coming home with strange itches, but I certainly won’t now. Shame on you.

Tis the season. For charts.

Friday, December 13th, 2013

Since it is the time of year for giving, I would like to give you the greatest gift of all: knowledge. Through charts. That I had nothing to do with. I just found them on the internet. Whatever. It’s a gift.

492_food_geometry 112620131507189 Screen Shot 2013-12-03 at 12.32.47 PM tl-article-tall tumblr_murbb5ovBh1r0wqrdo1_500 tumblr_mwb7ycyACn1qewacoo1_500 1242013041950funnybananaanatomydeliciousfruitiness Print tumblr_mwugoyOp1X1qewacoo1_500 tumblr_mx72w3RKD31qewacoo1_500 1182013082531102820130333157

And my favorite graphic of recent, the United States of America by an Australian:

tumblr_mvdkh4QXi51qm7oolo1_1280

JAPAN. OMG.

Wednesday, December 11th, 2013

Guys, I just booked a trip to Japan in February. JAPAAAAAAAN. I’ve wanted to go to Japan for, like, twenty years. I’m going with The Moomins. I always recommend traveling with retirees. They have money and time, they’re excellent travel companions. I’m going to three major areas – Osaka, Kyoto and Tokyo. I’m also going to Nara to hang with the sacred deer. Here are some pics I found on the internet to give you an idea.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/48/Nara_deer_beg_for_handouts_outside_a_shop_on_Sanjo_Street.JPG

http://boingboing.net/filesroot/nara-deer-park01.jpg

http://www.julialohmann.co.uk/news/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/nara-deer.jpg

And then I’m also going to hang out and possibly bathe with the snow monkeys! More pics for clarity.

http://wallpapers.pupazzo.org/animals/Chilly_%20Japanese%20Snow%20Monkeys.jpg

http://www.japanskiexperience.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/why-snow-monkeys.jpg

http://static.environmentalgraffiti.com/sites/default/files/images/marc-veerat.jpg

Here’s a list of all the places we will be going.

Todaiji Temple  ///  Kiyomizu Temple  ///  Nishijin Textile Center  ///  Gion (the old Geisha Quarter) and Pontocho  ///  Kenrokuen Garden  ///  Seisonkaku Villa  ///  Matsumoto Castle  ///  The Plum Blossoms Festival in Atami (they bloom in the winter)  ///  Kamakura Daibutsu (The Great Budhha)  ///  Hachimangu Shrine  ///  Tokyo Tower  ///  Imperial Palace  ///  Sensoji Temple

How frikkin’ amazing does this sound?!? I also get to see a 1,000 year old gingko tree, bathe in a traditional Japanese spa and stay in a traditional Japanese inn. I already anticipate spending all my money. I love Japanese artwork something fierce so I am going to have a problem. I intend to pack a bag in my bag for all the purchases I will be taking home. There will be gorgeousness like this:

img3507671262134464 71d7e75c47773042fbd22f3f6cfb7e9e 20397 55566-large 20070801_katydidfemale_2 an01251939_001_l inro02

Ooohhhhhhh dear. And did I mention kawaii? Kawaii means cute in Japanese, and if you know anything about Japan, you know they do cute better than anyone.

stickers rubbed-wool 12421 51Vv03BVeYL

One specific artistic item I really want to purchase is kanzashi. Kanzashi is name for the hair ornaments primarily worn by geishas. They used to be made out metal or ivory or lacquer, but I want to get a set made with fabric, like these:

kanzashi kd-04 ajisai

So I was doing a bunch of research on where to shop for them (I found three stores in Kyoto, so wish me luck) but in the process of hunting on the internet, I came across someone who makes the most exquisite kanzashi. Her name is Sakae and she dips wire into resin. The wire has been made into a loop so when it dips in the resin it forms a skin, not unlike a bubble wand in bubble solution. Then the resin dries that way. Her work, there are no words. She is amazing.

d0229423_321425 d0229423_541197 d0229423_1922230 d0229423_2140351 d0229423_6353589 d0229423_15515877 d0229423_237334 d0229423_5174289 d0229423_21315581 Kanzashi-11772 Kanzashi-11788 Kanzashi-by-Sakae-11769 Realistic-flowers-11767

Ugggggghhhhh. My heart hurts looking at her work. Unfortunately, Sakae only sells her wares on a Japanese auction site, not in any stores. So I friended her on Facebook in the hopes that I will be notified if her work is up for sale (not that I’d understand a damn thing on the site, but a girl can dream).

Long story short: Going to Japan in February. Can’t wait. Gonna be awesome.

Using my skills for good, sort of.

Wednesday, December 4th, 2013

My department here at Publicis, New Business, likes to send out a Christmas card to our friends in the other departments every year. Since I have the most advanced Photoshop knowledge, I am the one to build it every year. I was given absolutely no instruction this year, so I thought about what I wanted to convey. And I remembered, hey, Ceelo came out with an Christmas album last year, I remembered thinking that the cover was a hoot. And indeed it is.

CEELO_XMAS_KEYART_FM2-3

I decided we should take is a step further, so instead of a sleigh I went with a tugboat (because tugboats are my favorite of the seafaring vessels) and instead of horses, I went with the most jacked-up-looking dinosaur I have ever seen. Then I had to find individual qualities to highlight for each person. Børkke suffers from various skin ailments so I gave her a giant tube of Aquafor to cuddle in her arms. S. loves the Jersey Shore, so I gave him my favorite picture of Pauly D. Nessa has perpetual angers, so she got a thundercloud with Grumpy Cat in it. A. loves to cook and is from a particularly Polish part of Pennsylvania, so he got to be the Pierogi King. And J. loves raves, so he got swirly rave lights. He also happens to look rather stoned in the picture which helps with the rave thing. And my picture I took recently while wearing reindeer antlers and making the most disturbing face ever. That is not photoshopped. That is my natural freakiness. I didn’t add anything to that pic. I figured it was magical enough as it was. I found a silver bit online, created the leather bridle and added some silver skulls I found on etsy and poof! A weird and wonderful new Christmas card is born. We’ll see if my co-workers like it.

Concerning the comment in the lower right-hand corner: We’re seated in a quarantined area near the mailroom because we are unfit for the rest of the agency. It’s for the best. We sing a great deal, loudly. Makes it hard for some people to work. If you’re looking to start your own business, you can get help from a tennessee registered agent service.

christmas-card-2013

A flurry of things.

Sunday, November 17th, 2013

1. This is fantastic. I’ve been a big PES fan since the two chairs having sex video on MTV. He made a deep-sea fish video with all metal things. Super-great.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AK18bdUEWSs

 

2. A book came out and I bought it. It is called “Heavenly Bodies: Cult Treasures and Spectacular Saints From The Catacombs.” After reading the whole thing, I have come to the conclusion that it should be called “Germans Do Weird Stuff With Their Dead: Too Much Free Time Apparently.” If a saint or martyr is particularly revered, after that person has become a skeleton the church decorates the hell out of them and puts them on display, most often in a jaunty, “Welcome to my sarcophagus, this is where the magic happens” kind of pose.

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The problem with dead people is that they tend to look… dead. Really thin and hollow and, you know, not alive. The solutions the church has found to lighten up these saints/martyrs are not helping. One approach is stuff gold all up in their faceholes. Seeing the chains in the sinuses make my nose feel full.

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Another is to make a paper-mache or wax mask. That is not an improvement. Just leave the skull alone, they don’t need to look like that for eternity, that’s not nice.

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I think it’s so funny that the people who make the outfits for these saints/martyrs always feels a need to cut out the area with the sternum and ribs, like we won’t think they’re really dead if we can’t see their exposed chest bones. I want to see an empty ribcage! They could just be really thin and lethargic! You’re not pulling the wool over my eyes, costume-maker!

Anyway, it’s a cool book and a lovely addition to any home.

heavenly-9

 

3. Does everyone know what “Lorem Ipsum” is? Here’s a definition from lipsum.com:

Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. Lorem Ipsum has been the industry’s standard dummy text ever since the 1500s … It is a long established fact that a reader will be distracted by the readable content of a page when looking at its layout. The point of using Lorem Ipsum is that it has a more-or-less normal distribution of letters, as opposed to using ‘Content here, content here’, making it look like readable English.

It’s filler text until the real text shows up. So imagine my mirth when I got a burrito from Chipotle (yes, I know guacamole is extra, put it on anyway) to see this on one side of my bag:

chipotle-bag1

And this on the other side:

chipotle2

Oh crap! Someone forgot to put real text on. After looking at a variety of articles about it, Chipotle said it was intentional, as little “Easter Egg” for designers to find. This reeks of PR cover-up spin, I believe it not. YOU DINE AT A TABLE OF LIES, CHIPOTLE.

Two interesting things that have occurred.

Wednesday, October 30th, 2013

1. I paid $99 to spit in a vessel and send it off to the DNA-testing company 23andme to find out neat things about myself. I thought maybe I would find out some cool secrets, like I’m a distant relative of Genghis Khan or something, but it turns out that all the test did was confirm things I already believed to be true. I thought I was Jewish. Guess what? I’m SUPER-Jewish.

ancestry1

You know how most people are 1/4 French and 1/4 Irish and 1/16 Cherokee, etc. because we live in a melting pot? Not me. My mother said, “Oh, you’re just purebred,” and I said, “No, I’m just inbred and I would appreciate if all your stupid relatives had maybe dated outside the one shtetl in Luthania that we all came from because it’s a miracle that I don’t have an arm growing out of my back.” My DNA is a straight up-and-down ladder, no twisty. If I believed in reincarnation, in a past life I was a pushcart on the Lower East Side that sold rags and potatoes and in my next life I will be a plastic sandwich bag filled with diamonds being passed from Hassid to Hassid on 47th Street. That’s how Jewish I am. A pleasant but ultimately pointless thing the test told me was that I am not a carrier for Tay Sachs Disease or Familial Dysautonomia, both distinctly Ashkenazi diseases. So if I had planned to have children (I don’t) with another Jew (Cricket is a lapsed Christian) my child would not be at risk for either of those.

This was interesting discovery:

warmhoney

Huh. Anyone remember my reaction to Dilaudid? Or when I watched that episode of Intervention and the girl described what heroin feels like and I was tantalized (her exact phrase was “warm honey running through your veins,” which, I’m sorry, sounds delicious)? I’m going to have to keep an eye on that. Stay away from alleys and teaspoons.

I learned that this is a thing:

Maple Syrup Urine Disease Type 1B
Maple syrup urine disease (MSUD) is a metabolic disorder caused by genetic mutations that inhibit the breakdown of certain amino acids. The disease takes its name from the sweet smell that the amino acid buildup imparts to the urine and earwax of children born with MSUD. Left untreated this disease can lead to coma and death in newborns. But with careful dietary management, people with MSUD can lead relatively normal lives. Mutations in several genes can cause MSUD. Type 1B is caused by mutations in the BCKDHB gene and is inherited in a recessive manner, meaning that only a child who receives two mutated copies of the BCKDHB gene (one from each parent) will get the disease. Although anyone can be a carrier for a mutation that causes MSUD type 1B, mutations causing this disorder are especially common in people with Ashkenazi Jewish ancestry.

I don’t have the markers for Maple Syrup Urine Disease Type 1B in case you were concerned.

This final bit made me laugh.

muscle-performance

Yeah, “unlikely sprinter” is spot-on. I’m not running unless I’m being chased and even then, maybe not so much with the running. Maybe more with the accepting of the inevitable death. No running.

2. The other cool thing that happened this week is I got to draw doggies and kitties for work! I got paid to draw animals. SO HAPPY.

stella-chewys-dog2-lowres stella-chewys-cat1-lowres stella-chewys-dog1-lowres

Slacky Slackerton.

Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

I would love to say that I haven’t blogged in forever because my life has been SO EXCITING that I simply haven’t gotten a chance, but that would be a lie. It’s just been a lot of nothing particularly interesting happening combined with a heaping pile of work. But I’m back! Let’s look at a picture of disgusting Pringles I would not eat!

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What the eff, Pringles?? The two on the outside maybe, but peppermint? No.

To cleanse your palate, here’s Teddy the Porcupine eating a teeny pumpkin. Make sure your sound is on.

http://cuteoverload.com/2013/10/29/this-just-in-teddy-bear-power-noms-punkin/

And finally, this amusing screenshot I saw someplace on the web.

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