Archive for the ‘Teh Intarwebz’ Category

Y’all met Pixel the Demon Cat? You should.

Saturday, March 27th, 2021

There’s this cat named Pixel. He’s a lovely Cornish Rex, a breed known for being slim and alien-looking with pretty curled fur like ramen noodles. Pixel will do this thing where he curls the corners of his mouth like he’s smiling. This caused concern for some lady and she felt compelled to comment.

I saw this and was like “Hey hey now, I’m sure he’s a fine little weird-looking cat,” but I’m big enough to admit when I’m wrong and I am. This cat, on occasion, looks freaky as hell.

Let’s start with some easy ones. Pixel looks a bit intense but still super-cute. And you can appreciate the curly fur.

Sassy. That’s fine.

Now we take the turn.

Oh no.

JESUS CHRIST.

That last pic, it haunts my dreams. I love little Pixel though. He’s a wee monster. Here’s a picture of him with his owner.

And here’s a picture of him as a baby.

Despite the “grinning” I love him and I hope he only ever gets hugs and cuddles from everyone he meets.

 

Addendum: I saw pictures of Pixel from the side. I have such confusing feelings.

New Jessica Describes Stuff! This time, Mulan.

Wednesday, March 10th, 2021

Here’s my latest video, a review of the animated film Mulan. There’s some of my glorious singing in the middle there, be sure to enjoy that.

Dribs and drabs of awesome stuff.

Saturday, December 19th, 2020

1. I joined a group on Facebook called Crustacean Memes for Crabby Fiends.

I love when a someone invents a pleasant but irrelevant meme and out of nowhere it catches on and then it becomes its own thing. That is how we got Reginald.

Seems pretty innocuous. But he seemed to touch people’s hearts and a Life of Reginald was born.

Update: The Crustacean fan group is at war with the Ant fan group! And now the Snail fan group is getting involved!

 

2. When I worked at Publicis I walked past the H&M store on Fifth Avenue. Their window displays were well-designed. However, there are always choices made that are, I don’t know, odd. Counter-intuitive. Allow me to present you with an example.

Wrapped gifts! How nice. Oh, ice skates and a robot!

And a globe! Globes are a great gift. So round and informative.

Wow, a motorcycle!

Musical instruments!

And an enormous cactus. In a bathtub. Wrapped. Like gifts.

That threw me for a loop every time I saw that.

Also in the Rockefeller Center is a Cole Haan store. Cole Haan is pleasant, I loved a purse they had twenty years ago and I loved their summer lobster flip flops a couple years back but that’s pretty much it. Again with the however, they were doing some all-over approach with spikes and I am here for it.

Those shoes are great. If they come in black I will struggle not to buy them. So minimal but then spikes.

 

3. I don’t know what I’ve clicked on to get Facebook to get these news articles but I am a-okay with it.

 

4. Billie Eilish is a musician that’s very popular right now. Someone did a cover of one of her songs on a variety of pumpkins and I might like it better than the original.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlzqHmUqrfM

 

5. I saw a man walking his chicken on a leash in New York. It was a very good-natured chicken.

 

6. And finally, at first glance I was CONVINCED this was someone massaging legs that were horribly broken in a car accident, not someone making bread.

A video for desperately-needed entertainment.

Sunday, November 8th, 2020

The 2020 election was making me crazy so to distract myself I made a video reviewing the classic Silence of the Lambs. I found it healing.

Wut.

Sunday, October 18th, 2020

Let’s try to break this down. There’s God Loves “You” with the quotes which is concerning, then He Coming Soon which is not great grammatically but okay. There’s that bench in the back that looks very homemade and extremely uncomfortable and the F or E minus behind the compost container or whatever that is. Then there’s the child’s outfit with a broomstick impaled through it in the large bucket of dirt which is lovely nightmare fuel. Finally there’s the title and yes, I realize the linked article covers several topics of the day but still, what is even happening. I feel uncomfortable and unsafe by all of this.

The future is gettin’ real off-putting.

Sunday, September 27th, 2020

Deepfakes, y’all. Here, a definition:

Deepfakes (a portmanteau of “deep learning” and “fake”) are synthetic media in which a person in an existing image or video is replaced with someone else’s likeness. … Deepfakes have garnered widespread attention for their uses in celebrity pornographic videos, revenge porn, fake news, hoaxes, and financial fraud. This has elicited responses from both industry and government to detect and limit their use.

Dangerous stuff. You can convince anyone of anything if you’re not careful, and in this day and age with the disintegration of definitive facts this could go downhill mighty quick. Which is why I’m not surprised one of the first times I see this technology is swapping Willem Dafoe into distinctly not Willem Dafoe situations.

And, without a doubt, my favorite. Truly nightmarish AND my favorite Spice Girls song. It’s everything I could ask for.

BONUS: The opening of “Full House” but with all Nick Offermans. You didn’t know you needed this, but you do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=57&v=aUphMqs1vFw&feature=emb_logo

Growth and knowledge via the Internet.

Saturday, December 21st, 2019

I went to Mexico! To look at art! And Oakland California! Where I ended up looking at art! Now I’m back. While I go through my gross dirty laundry and my stack of photos please enjoy these informative treasures.

 

1. This is a long read but it’s totally worth it. I was blown away.

https://pricklylegs.tumblr.com/post/188456524966/synebluetoo-costumersupportdept

 

2. There’s a man who makes things and I delight in watching him work. His name is Bobby Duke and not only is he talented as hell, he is also charming and has a Southern accent. I do love me an accent.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkbJemDY-00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBcjGlXuQAI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSFPG1ACz5g

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taF0nY9GqMg

 

3. I saw a video where a gorgeous male elk walked reeeeeeal close to some men who I think were fishing. The elk was so majestic. He turned his face toward the camera and made his call which sounded… piercing and otherworldly. I don’t know what I expected an elk call to sound like but it wasn’t this.

https://pricklylegs.tumblr.com/post/188374421161

I thought this elk might have been an anomaly but apparently not

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20PET6-Hr_c

I think it’s pretty amazing. People compare it to the sound the undead tormented nazguls make in Lord of the Rings but now that I know it comes out of such a cool creature I don’t find it frightful at all.

 

4. No one think of the cameraman.

https://blizzardofjj.tumblr.com/post/188492221581/nobody-thinks-of-the-cameraman

 

Update: Apparently EVERYONE knows the sound an elk makes except me. I am disappointed in myself for not knowing the calls of antlered mammals but I guess you can’t know everything. Hopefully this disappointment will ebb.

Update on the update: It has not ebbed.

The time has come for charts.

Monday, November 11th, 2019

I included these pictures of gourds and pumpkins because I am loving the names.

And this isn’t really a chart situation but I find the comments delightful.

Caitlyn the Mortician and an origami cat.

Friday, October 18th, 2019

I’ve spoken on many an occasion about how much I like Caitlyn the Mortician. Here and here, specifically. Snorth got tickets to see Caitlyn live on her book tour and since both Snorth and I are big fans we decided to combine our talents to make Caitlyn a present. We decided on a unique origami cat. Snorth folded one and I took it and drew spookiness all over it. I tried to make it special by putting the date and “4 C8lin” (“For Caitlin”) on the back of the head.

Then I unfolded it and smoothed it flat.

It turns out that all the illustrations were on one side of the paper which is good because you don’t have to worry about the front and the back lining up when it’s printed. I photographed the unfolded drawing and brought it into Illustrator and made a elegant crisp Illustrator file from it with some slight modifications so it’s wouldn’t be an issue if during the folding process things were not exactly lined up (Snorth called it paper creep).

After Snorth printed and folded the new Illustrator version I decided it needed some festive glitter so I took one of my nail polishes and jazzed it up a bit with a dotting tool.

Because unless you have fancy cameras and lights the glitter never shows up properly here is the nail polish I used, First Class by ILNP. You can appreciate the holo.

And Caitlyn loved it! Here is the photo of her and Snorth and Snorth’s niece.

I’d like to think it’s on display somewhere in her home or office.

Internet things I have come across in my travels (on the www, I didn’t leave the house.)

Sunday, October 13th, 2019

1. Evelyn from the Internets. She has existed for a looooong time but I only came across her recently when I clicked on a video about the origin of “Black sounding” names. Really interesting btw, I learned a lot. Who knew French was such a big part of it? Not me, you know, until now. I thought hey maybe this nice person has more videos and then I crawled into her YouTube page and I have not emerged for days. I will now post some of my favorites. Those who would like to boost their online privacy when connected to mobile internet should buy cheap mobile proxies.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=575LByUKT00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KWHfNxntlQ&t

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR1iO5J1mK4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVie7O6lF1Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6b2aN-yKrQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhTrCCdCVm0

 

2. Does everyone remember the great kid who captured his relationship with the local deer back in 2016? If not, here you go:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1IRrZEmBe0

Guess what happened in 2019??

https://coldgamekelv.tumblr.com/post/186343370606/my-girl-canela-is-out-here-enjoying-her-hot-girl

 

3. This is a thing that is.

This is not the first charitable act Pornhub has done. I never stop being amused by their actions. In addition to the scholarship referenced below, Pornhub had a $25,000 scholarship for women in STEM. You don’t have to be in the adult entertainment industry, you simply need to answer their essay question like any other scholarship. I would love to work on Pornhub’s charity projects. UPDATE: Oh, Pornhub is Canadian. That explains the niceness.

This video is Safe For Work so no worries.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=18&v=s6R1iwsHdAk

 

4. Anderson.Paak’s “Come Down.” I heard a short bit of this song in an ad and I looked for it. It’s a real tight song and wait a second, are they sampling the Israeli national anthem??

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OqrcUvrbRY

It’s the only national anthem I know all the words to other than the American one. And it turns out, yes, this dope track sampled the Israeli national anthem which is famously morose. Good job, whoever produced “Come Down.” Eclectic choice, I like that.

The Israeli national anthem *: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMwSlp7I7IQ

 

* Which I now found out sampled from Smetana’s “Moldau” and that drew its inspiration from a Scandinavian folk song so errybody sampling errybody .