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My week of exciting activities – Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

November 13th, 2013

The rest of my Week of Culture was less spectacular, alas. I’ll explain. On Thursday I went to see Behind the Scenes of The Colbert Report at the Town Hall.

It was most interesting in the beginning. For the first half-hour, Stephen and the twelve writers on stage with him talked about how they constructed the show. Basically, it’s crazy hard work and you cannot have a life while you’re working on it because you’re working on today’s episode and the second you’re done with that you’re working on tomorrow’s episode. Or a field piece. Or getting props. Or an animation. Or learning about who Stephen is interviewing. It’s a never-ending cycle. After they all explained their day, they opened up to the audience for questions. FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF. THE PUBLIC WAS ALLOWED TO SAY WHATEVER INTO MICROPHONES. The level of fremdschämen I felt for these people was overwhelming. One woman stood up and said, “How do I become a writer on your show?”

Stephen said, “You have to submit a script with jokes in it.”

“Can I tell you a joke?” she said.

“Sure,” he said.

“What’s green and has wheels?”

“What?”

“Grass. I was lying about the wheels.”

*The entire audience groans*
*I clutch my face and try to gouge my own eyes out*
*An angel loses its wings and falls screaming*

Here’s the deal: I purposely do not go up to famous people or people I admire and try to talk to them because I get very excited and basically piddle on the floor like an incontinent cocker spaniel. I feel like an epic loser, the famous person is usually not thrilled to be in the presence of someone having an episode of some sort, nobody wins. It’s not unusual, that’s what most people do when they meet someone famous. Now, knowing that that kind of thing is going to happen, why didn’t they have notecards in the entry hall for people to write their questions on and then, when the Q&A started, just read a bunch of those questions? You can curate the crazy while still having people feel like they are participating. Nope. I had to listen to people spazz out for an hour and a half. It wasn’t all bad. One of the intelligent questions I liked was, “Is there any topic that you won’t do?” The writers mentioned that they write jokes all day and it makes them desensitized, so when they write something they think is too much Stephen will say, “Is this fit for humans?” and they will pull a human out of the hallway and read them the joke. And then Stephen said, “Any joke where the victim is the punchline,” which I think is pretty classy. Here’s a Vulture article on the other things that were talked about.

http://www.vulture.com/2013/11/8-things-we-learned-stephen-colbert-report-nycf-panel.html

Then on Friday I went to see Bill Burr at the Beacon Theater with Cricket. The Beacon has a gorgeous chandelier in the entry hall.

Underneath the chandelier were two bars set up on either sides of the room. Cricket went to the bathroom before the show started and I waited in the corner. It became extremely apparent to me that Bill Burr’s audience is primarily made up of the douchiest, frat-iest, date-rape-iest men I’ve ever seen in my life. It was like the Duke lacrosse team had been put through a copy machine and now there were a hundred of them. One guy standing next to me said to his friend, “Hey, I’m going to the bar, you want something?” and his friend said, “Yeah, I dunno, a mixed drink or something,” and the first guy said, “A mixed drink? What are you, a fag?? FAAAAAAG!!” And then he smiled at me and I tried to tamp down my feelings of disgust. Bill Burr does a bit about that, talking about his youth and how his guy friends do that, but then he talks about how it eventually kills them because they’re not allowed to express their feelings. You know what, buddy? You’re not Bill Burr. You’re not making a statement about society. Shut it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LRcmg9mxRQ

Then Cricket and I went in and we watched Bill Burr perform and he was great and it would have been great if the drunk fratboy behind me would stop yelling. Every time Bill said something really clever the guy would say, “Here we go!” or “Yeah B.B.!” or something of that ilk. I’ve come to the conclusion that I really enjoy going to things, I just don’t enjoy the people around me. They ruin everything. Either they’re unwrapping a cough drop for fifty years, or they’re checking their phone, or whatever. I don’t like my co-audience members. Does no one know the unwritten social contract we all signed? The one where we can do whatever the heck we want in our homes, but when we go outside we say excuse me and don’t shout and close our legs on the train so others can sit? I feel like we as a group should re-address this. If I can follow it anyone can follow it. Seriously. People. Get it together.

Then on Saturday my friend K. had an extra ticket to the Justin Timberlake concert in New Jersey. I always say “never look a free ticket to anything in the mouth” so even though I’m not a huge Justin Timberlake fan, I was down with it. It was a great show, I must say. The set design was phenomenal and we had really good seats.

Hexagons! The set was covered in hexagons! I love hexagons, I really do. There was light painting and video footage and part of the hexagon background was made of scrim so lights showed through, it was just killer design. The only complaint I had was the lights above the stage were organized to form a sad, disappointed face. Occasionally it would appear to be a deity was looking down on Justin and his crew and thinking, “Has it really come to this?”

And then – lasers! All over the arena!

The red lasers went up and down all over the audience made me feel like a can of corn at the self-checkout in Stop-n-Shop. I said quietly to myself, “Please move your items to the bagging area.” And then I chuckled because I amuse myself. I thought that was the extent of the coolness that could be brought, but I was wrong. The entire front edge of the stage was glass that lit up and during one song it came off, rose up on pneumatic lifts and rolled down the aisles so Justin, his trumpeters and his back-up singers could slide past the entire audience on the ground level. Kind of amazing.

Here’s a video someone took of the glass part moving.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAd8Xn8Q-lU

He did a bunch of songs there (including the best rendition of “Heartbreak Hotel” I’ve ever heard) and the the stage slid on back and went down and it was like nothing happened. So very rad. And then his did “Poison” by Bel Biv DeVoe! With the cheesy 90s dancing! I was so happy! I found footage from a different show, but it was the same.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DIvY0k7hD0

Anyway, after I see Richard III tonight, that is the end of my evening galavants for a while. It’ll be good for me to get away from the public and go back into my little hole and craft. I need to build up a tolerance to humanity.

Posted in Activitays, New York, Random Art Bloggery, Stuff | No Comments »

My week of exciting activities – Tuesday: Twelfth Night.

November 8th, 2013

My week of culture-consuming continues! On Tuesday night I went to see the Shakespearean play Twelfth Night with Mark Rylance. Stephen Fry was also in it and I imagine most people went because of him, but I love Mark Rylance. I love him. He’s one of the most amazing actors ever. Really. I’m not exaggerating. I don’t much care for Shakespeare most times – too many words, too confusing. But when phenomenal actors perform it, it becomes clear like crystal. It should be the litmus test of whether actors are good or not. They should have to come into a room, do a soliloquy from a Shakespearean play, and if at the end I understood what they were talking about, they’re good. Here’s Mark Rylance doing Richard II in the Globe Theater in London.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6M775evBE8A

Rylance was the director of the Globe Theater in London for a decade where you could go and see Shakespearean plays exactly like they did back in the 1590’s (but with probably less body odor). They often don’t use female actresses, making males play female roles (period-accurate). The audience has to stand the whole time (also accurate). The costumes they wear are insane. There are no zippers or velcro or elastic. It’s all linen and silk and cotton and fur and leather sewn together by hand. One costume took sixteen people to make because each person knew a different olde-timey skill and it took all of them to figure the costume out. Amazing. Anyway, Rylance and the rest of the actors got together and came over here and are doing a double-billing of Twelfth Night and Richard III. I have tickets for Richard III (the royal they found in a parking lot last year) which I will see next week. It is not fun. It’s about a crippled man who kills family members to ascend the throne. Twelfth Night, however, is fun. There’s mistaken identity! And silly stockings! And music! There was one song at the end that I could not get out of my head. The lyrics were, “The wind and the rain, it raineth ev’ry day, it raineth ev’ry day.” Four hours later I found myself saying, “England! It raineth every damn day!” to nobody. What an earworm. The music was really cool. They used authentic instruments and parked the musicians above the stage so they could play various tunes to make the scenes more impactful. Ever heard someone play a hurdy-gurdy? I have, now. If you have a chance to see it, I recommend that you do. It’s really a pleasant farce, and it’s so great to see super-talented people do the thing that they do so well. I’m going to buy the DVD version (which is pretty much identical).

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Shakespeare-Twelfth-Night-Globe-Screen/dp/B00DEROM3M
It raineth ev’ry day.

Posted in Movie and Book Reviews. Possibly With Spoilers., New York, Random Art Bloggery | No Comments »

My week of exciting activities – Monday: StarTalk with Neil deGrasse Tyson.

November 6th, 2013

It just so happens that this week I have things planned for the evenings of Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and possibly Saturday. On Monday I went to the Town Hall in midtown Manhattan to see StarTalk with Neil deGrasse Tyson.

I have never listened to Neil’s podcast, so I was totally ready for whatever when I got there. He has Eugene Mirman the comedian co-host the show regularly. Neil brought on two guests – Brian Greene, the theoretical physicist and string theorist, and Michael Massimino, an astronaut who went into space twice, both times to do repairs on the Hubble Telescope. Eugene brought fellow comedian Michael Ian Black who’s been in a gazillion things. The topic of this episode of StarTalk was gravity, both the movie that just came out and, you know, the stuff that keeps you on the crust of the earth. I had a lot of problems with this because there’s very few things in nature that make my skin get all icy and leave*, and one of those things is outer space. I can’t even watch the trailers for the movie Gravity. You can fall! In any direction! Forever! Complete darkness! No oxygen! So cold! So alone! It just freaks me out down to my core. You want to know my idea of a horror movie? WALL•E. The scene where WALL•E propels himself through space with the fire extinguisher? Nightmare fuel for me. So the two hours of the show was a bit of a struggle for me to get through without curling up a ball, wrapping my coat around my head and moaning, but I made it. Neil talked about several things that bothered him about the movie Gravity. Number one: Sandra Bullock played a medical doctor sent to space to fix a gigantic space machine. Michael Ian Black’s response: “Neil, the Hubble Telescope was sick.” Michael the Astronaut did say that all the tools they used in the film were completely accurate. The space repairmen use really similar tools to what we use here, but they have those big gloves on and therefore they cannot be as dextrous, so the tools are slightly different. And we got the stamp of authenticity on the tools from a real space-tool-knowledge-haver, so that’s good.

This was a cool demonstration. Neil talked about a scene in the movie where Sandra Bullock was running out of oxygen and she had to let go of George Clooney and when she released the tether holding them together he flew backwards away. Or maybe she was the one who flew backwards away. I haven’t seen the film. Whatever, someone released a tether and someone flew backwards away. Neil brought out a dolly, the kind one uses to move furniture, and he made Brian Greene sit on it so his feet were off the floor. Neil handed him one end of a rope and he walked to the end of the length of the rope. And then Neil let go. And Brian didn’t move. Neil turned to us, the audience, and said, “THAT’S WHAT WOULD HAPPEN.” Since Ms. Bullock and Mr. Clooney weren’t on something spinning or moving rapidly and pulling on them, if they let go they would stay put. Nowhere near as dramatic as what happens in the film.

I learned so many things. I learned that Aristotle was the first guy to talk about gravity, but he thought that things will more mass fell faster. To demonstrate the incorrectness of this, Neil took off his boot and picked up a pen. Then he dropped them at the same time. They hit the stage at the same time. Neil then chastised Aristotle for not conducting that experiment, for if he had he would have known the correct answer. I learned that there was a Chinese satellite hanging out in orbit at 550 miles and the Chinese shot it out of existence for scientific reasons. We also had a satellite we wanted to destroy, but it was at 110 miles. We shot it out of existence as well. The difference is that all the debris from our satellite fell into our atmosphere and burned up and was gone. The Chinese satellite debris did not, now making it really difficult to send, like, another satellite into orbit at 550 miles. The new satellite is going to get battered with all the crap from the destroyed satellite. I had never thought of that. If we keep putting things into orbit and they explode or bonk into each other, that layer of orbits will be riddled with pointy things that can jack up our other scientific experiments. Neil mentioned something about nets, but I lost him around there. There was much talk about theoretical mathematical stuff that I simply could not grasp with my non-mathematical-oriented brain. At one point the discussion turned to black holes. I learned that if you are falling into a black hole, if someone is watching you from the outside it will appear that your gestures are slowing down, until you reach the event horizon which is what they call the rim of the black hole. To the person on the outside, it will have appeared that you have frozen. Meanwhile, everything will look normal to you, but the things around you will look sped up, so as you reach the event horizon you will see the future of the universe until the end of time. As Neil said, “You’ll notice you’ve fallen into a black hole right after you get pulled into the thickness of a piece of spaghetti. Then you’ll notice.”

The best thing I learned is that the qualities that makes a flame pointy is the hot air rising and sucking in more oxygen. In space, like in the space station, where there is both oxygen and a lack of gravity, the flame would be a ball. An orb of fire, if you will. And Neil commented that if aliens who were accustomed to a gravity-free environment came to earth, they would not understand why our chandelier candle-lights are shaped like that.

Long story short, I’m going to start listening to StarTalk if it’s a podcast. Is it a podcast? If it is, I will listen to it. And I developed crushes on all the scientists on the stage because goshdarnit I like me a smart man. And these men are SMART. Mmmmmmmm, intelligence.

*The other thing is when an insect lays eggs in another insect and then the camera zooms all up in there as the babies emerge from the host-beast. TOO MUCH. Blargh.

Posted in Movie and Book Reviews. Possibly With Spoilers., Nature, New York, Stuff | 4 Comments »

Two interesting things that have occurred.

October 30th, 2013

1. I paid $99 to spit in a vessel and send it off to the DNA-testing company 23andme to find out neat things about myself. I thought maybe I would find out some cool secrets, like I’m a distant relative of Genghis Khan or something, but it turns out that all the test did was confirm things I already believed to be true. I thought I was Jewish. Guess what? I’m SUPER-Jewish.

You know how most people are 1/4 French and 1/4 Irish and 1/16 Cherokee, etc. because we live in a melting pot? Not me. My mother said, “Oh, you’re just purebred,” and I said, “No, I’m just inbred and I would appreciate if all your stupid relatives had maybe dated outside the one shtetl in Luthania that we all came from because it’s a miracle that I don’t have an arm growing out of my back.” My DNA is a straight up-and-down ladder, no twisty. If I believed in reincarnation, in a past life I was a pushcart on the Lower East Side that sold rags and potatoes and in my next life I will be a plastic sandwich bag filled with diamonds being passed from Hassid to Hassid on 47th Street. That’s how Jewish I am. A pleasant but ultimately pointless thing the test told me was that I am not a carrier for Tay Sachs Disease or Familial Dysautonomia, both distinctly Ashkenazi diseases. So if I had planned to have children (I don’t) with another Jew (Cricket is a lapsed Christian) my child would not be at risk for either of those.

This was interesting discovery:

Huh. Anyone remember my reaction to Dilaudid? Or when I watched that episode of Intervention and the girl described what heroin feels like and I was tantalized (her exact phrase was “warm honey running through your veins,” which, I’m sorry, sounds delicious)? I’m going to have to keep an eye on that. Stay away from alleys and teaspoons.

I learned that this is a thing:

Maple Syrup Urine Disease Type 1B
Maple syrup urine disease (MSUD) is a metabolic disorder caused by genetic mutations that inhibit the breakdown of certain amino acids. The disease takes its name from the sweet smell that the amino acid buildup imparts to the urine and earwax of children born with MSUD. Left untreated this disease can lead to coma and death in newborns. But with careful dietary management, people with MSUD can lead relatively normal lives. Mutations in several genes can cause MSUD. Type 1B is caused by mutations in the BCKDHB gene and is inherited in a recessive manner, meaning that only a child who receives two mutated copies of the BCKDHB gene (one from each parent) will get the disease. Although anyone can be a carrier for a mutation that causes MSUD type 1B, mutations causing this disorder are especially common in people with Ashkenazi Jewish ancestry.

I don’t have the markers for Maple Syrup Urine Disease Type 1B in case you were concerned.

This final bit made me laugh.

Yeah, “unlikely sprinter” is spot-on. I’m not running unless I’m being chased and even then, maybe not so much with the running. Maybe more with the accepting of the inevitable death. No running.

2. The other cool thing that happened this week is I got to draw doggies and kitties for work! I got paid to draw animals. SO HAPPY.

Posted in Beastiesbeastiesbeasties, Stuff, Teh Intarwebz | 1 Comment »

Slacky Slackerton.

October 29th, 2013

I would love to say that I haven’t blogged in forever because my life has been SO EXCITING that I simply haven’t gotten a chance, but that would be a lie. It’s just been a lot of nothing particularly interesting happening combined with a heaping pile of work. But I’m back! Let’s look at a picture of disgusting Pringles I would not eat!

What the eff, Pringles?? The two on the outside maybe, but peppermint? No.

To cleanse your palate, here’s Teddy the Porcupine eating a teeny pumpkin. Make sure your sound is on.

http://cuteoverload.com/2013/10/29/this-just-in-teddy-bear-power-noms-punkin/

And finally, this amusing screenshot I saw someplace on the web.

Posted in Beastiesbeastiesbeasties, Nature, Stuff, Tasty 'n' Delicious, Teh Intarwebz | No Comments »

Self-control. I do not haz it.

October 17th, 2013

I like green, specifically light yellow-green, the color of the first buds of spring. I also like a variety of blues and purples and browns, therefore I tend to use those colors pretty exclusively in my work. It’s as natural as picking up a pen in your primary hand. Occasionally, however, I like to stretch muscles creatively that I don’t often use, and that can mean using colors that you’re not naturally attracted to. I’ve never used rocaille beads because I thought they were a bit flashy (they are glass beads that are lined in the hole with shiny metal) and I almost never use yellow, orange and red. Snorth likes orange, and I like Snorth, so I decided hey let’s make something with yellow, orange AND red inspired by her. So when I get home at night I spend about an hour decompressing from my job by watching “Lockup” on MSNBC and beading a lariat. It’s an extremely repetitive stitch so I don’t have to think too hard and it’s a good way to prepare myself for that night’s sleepytimes. The point of me telling you all this is I have no idea how to end the bottoms of this lariat. I want to end it with a fancy flourish of some kind. I’ve done that for this one:

And this one:

I mean, you can just stop beading, tie it off, and that’s the end. That’s totally an option if that’s what you’d like, but I like it to look like I didn’t just run out of beads. I want the bottom to look intentional. So I went on Etsy with the intention of buying two lampworked glass beads. Two. You hear me? Just two. Two beads.

Here’s what I bought:

Yeah. Hence the title of this blog entry. And note that in the picture it’s just pairs of beads, but the first one is six beads, then seven beads, then two, then seven, then two. I’m no mathematician, but that’s not just two beads. We’ll see which one of those works best for my project.

Posted in My Art/Design/Business, Random Art Bloggery, Teh Intarwebz | No Comments »

Repairs, fixes, and more

October 12th, 2013

Home repairs are essential for maintaining the value and comfort of your home. Whether it’s a small fix or a major renovation, timely maintenance can prevent minor issues from becoming costly problems. One important upgrade to consider is whole house humidifier installation. This addition can greatly enhance your home’s comfort by regulating indoor humidity levels, which is crucial for both health and preservation of your property. Along with plumbing, electrical, roofing, and structural fixes, addressing these needs promptly ensures the safety and efficiency of your home.

For plumbing repairs, leaky faucets and pipes can lead to water damage and mold growth if not addressed. Simple fixes like replacing washers or tightening connections can often solve these issues. And if you need other repair services like for instance a plumbing service, make sure to contact professional contractors for expert services such as plumbing installation or plumbing repair in Orange, CA. This may include frozen pipes and heat pump installation or well installation such as well pump installation in Snohomish, WA.

For electrical repair, such as fixing faulty wiring or replacing outdated circuit breakers, hiring electricians such as this electrician in Baton Rouge, LA are crucial for preventing fire hazards and ensuring your home meets safety standards.

Roofing repairs, such as patching leaks or replacing damaged shingles, protect your home from weather-related damage. Neglecting roof maintenance can lead to water infiltration, which can cause structural damage and mold. Structural repairs, like fixing cracks in walls or foundations, are vital for the integrity of your home. Ignoring these can lead to severe damage and expensive repairs. Therefore, call experts like this roofer in West Chester, PA or Greensboro roof repair to check yours.

Regular home maintenance, such as cleaning gutters, air conditioner replacement, and checking for pest infestations, can prevent the need for more extensive repairs. If you discover signs of a bed bug infestation in your home, you may need to seek bed bug preparation services from advancedbbp.com/our-services. Professional pest control services can also help with carpenter ant treatments.

Investing time in routine checks and minor repairs can save money and keep your home in top condition. For more complex issues, hiring a professional like AC installation services ensures the job is done safely and effectively. And if you need services like for instance a heat pump installation, make sure to contact the experts like mill creek heat pump installation for professional services.

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Stuff n’ things.

October 10th, 2013

1. There’s a British website called Terrible Real Estate Agent Photographs. While the photos are indeed extremely terrible, the comments are great.

2. Et tu, Animal Planet? I understand The History Channel going over to the dark side for the sake of ratings (I mean, how much Hitler footage can you show in a day?), but animals are forever interesting. There’s no need to bring fake made-up animals into this. No Bigfoot and no mermaids. Stop it.

3. There is a TV show in England called “Quite Interesting,” and they put out a list of Animated Animal Facts. They are the greatest. And they are illustrated by a very talented man, Mr. Whaite. Some of my favorites:

And he did a great movie poster in neon:

Posted in Beastiesbeastiesbeasties, Nature, Stuff, Teh Intarwebz, The Telly | 1 Comment »

Two artists that are magnificent and humbling.

October 8th, 2013

I was perusing a bunch of websites as I do every day or so and I saw these weird little stegosaurus-monsters with barnacles all over them made of clay.

I was intrigued so I clicked and lo, a world of magic and wonder was revealed to me. Meet Slava Leontyev and Anya Stasenko. They’re Russian and they’re AMAZING. Here’s what they do.

First, Slava creates an animal. He has a ton of molds he’s made and he takes this tail and this eye and these horns and he brings it all together, smoothing and melding the elements together. The creatures are absolutely delightful and if Slava stopped there, it would be fine.

But then more stuff happens. Anya is an illustrator that reminds me of the British illustrator Arthur Rackham. This is one of her drawings.

Anya draws right onto the clay, and then paints over it with what appears to be black glaze. Then I imagine it is fired, sealing the black glaze to the porcelain.

And then Anya paints with color. She is amazing. I can’t even with the beautifulness.

Are you seeing this??? ARE YOU???

Ohmygod. Much to my sadness, they make the pieces to order as requested by clients and I can’t commit to any one beastie or style or motif. I WANT ALL THE THINGS. When I finally get my act together, I will pick a design and get something made. In the meantime, I friended them on Facebook (I recommend you do as well) and watch their creations with a mixture of envy and desire.

If you want to commission a work of art, here’s their website. It’s in Russian but Google will translate it for you.

http://farfora.com/

Posted in Beastiesbeastiesbeasties, Nature, Random Art Bloggery, Teh Intarwebz | No Comments »

Happy happy charts on this grim day.

October 7th, 2013

The sky was black at 4:00 in the afternoon today and there are tornado warnings all over NYC, so instead of saving your battery in case the power goes out and you need to call for help I recommend looking at these charts instead. 911 be damned, charts take priority!