Check it out, peoples! I scanned the pirate tugboat in and here ya go. Finished. Hooray and yay.
The pirate tugboat in all its glory.
May 10th, 2011Ghostbusters.
May 5th, 2011I saw the Ghostbusters movie for the first time last night. Sadly, it was terrible. Like, really, really awful. I think the problem was that I saw it when I was too old. If I had been thirteen or so I would have probably been okay with its many tragic flaws (which I will go into momentarily). This is the same problem I had with Star Wars. My first time seeing Star Wars was when it was in the theaters in 1997. I was 20 years old. I didn’t like the first one, I slept through most of the second one, and I didn’t bother to see the third. I won’t go into why I didn’t care for the Star Wars trilogy *cough* atrociousdialog *cough* but I think Ghostbusters is the same situation. Okay, my thoughts on Ghostbusters, both positive and negative thoughts.
1. THE MOST WOODEN DELIVERY OF LINES EVER DELIVERED, EVER. I know Bill Murray and Dan Ackroyd can act, I’ve seen them do it. Not in this film, though. I’ve seen pornos with better acting than this.
2. So. Much. Smoking. I won’t lie, I loved it. I had a big ole nostalgic moment to films where you could smoke and drink and not worry about, “The children, oh God, who will think of the children!!!!” I don’t smoke, but if your characters are down-and-out social outcasts, bring on the ciggies.
3. I want the Ghostbusters car/ambulance/hearse/whatever. Also, I want to live in an abandoned fire station in New York. Someone needs to get on that.
4. What the hell is with the dogs and the gatekeeper and the keymaster and that stupid David Bowie deity? It’s confusing and dumb and no ancient religion would be so sloppy.
5. The apocalypse being brought about by Mr. Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man is kinda rad.
6. Exactly what was the point of the fourth man coming in in the middle of the movie and joining the band? He doesn’t add anything. He doesn’t bring anything that hasn’t already been broughtened. Was it to appeal to a broader audience? I don’t understand the point of his character. If anyone can help me with this, I’d appreciate it.
6. Oh. stop-motion animation, how I both love and hate you. Sigh. Could you not have gotten Jim Henson to make you some terrifying puppets instead of those choppy-movement puppets a la Clash of the Titans? I bet if you’d given him a ring he would’ve helped you out.
I’ve been told repeatedly that I have to see the Indiana Jones trilogy, and I don’t think I ever will. Every time I see a recent classic I’m disappointed. I’ve seen the scene with the golden idol and the bag of sand, I’ve seen the sword vs. gun scene, I’ve seen the rolling rock-ball scene, and I’ve seen the Nazis going from solids to liquids. I think I’m good.
Random animalia and the creepiest ad ever.
April 28th, 20111. I am always lovin’ the beasties, but right now I’m going through a weird animal phase. For example, I recently cannot get enough of the capybara. Let’s all look at a picture of a capybara with squirrel monkeys riding on it.
The capybara is the largest member of the rodent family. My love for it is primarily because it looks so “over it.” Its expression says, “Oh, you just discovered the greatest thing in all of time? That’s nice. Whatevs. Snore.” My co-worker Børkke didn’t know what one was, so I typed “capybara” into YouTube, and the first link I got was this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_d0nBcQyeBA
She didn’t find that helpful at all. So thanks, YouTube, for further confusing Børkke.
This is the most recent video that reminded me of two things about the capybara. One, they like water (They have webbed feet for swimming!). Two, either they are the most relaxed creature ever, or the stupidest creature ever. Jury’s still out.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/sayomg/capybara-spa-time-tah
The other creature that fills me with a thirst for knowledge about it is the sage grouse. The female sage grouse is rather ordinary, but the male sage grouse, well, he has what appears to be two giant yellow testicles draped over his shoulders like boxing gloves. He keeps them inside these white feathery pockets, but when he feels like mating he pops those puppies out, which causes them to make a noise not unlike a very, very large leaky faucet dropping a very, very large drop of water. Needless to say, AWESOME.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KdOvNSDxws
I also appreciate the delightful prairie chicken, who has smaller orange neck-testicles, pointy feather-ears and foot-stomping, but the sage grouse has my heart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJCy0d94YS0
2. I was on Facebook the other day, and you know how they have those sponsored ads on the side? And how, more often than not, the picture has nothing to do with the ad? Well, this is what I got.
AHHHH! Demon Child!! If social work has anything to do with this Chucky-doppelganger, I decline, thank you! I actually hit “refresh” in order to get an ad that didn’t have a growling spawn glowering at me.
Pirate tugboat reborn – Part FINISHED!
April 25th, 2011Okay, I finished the pirate tugboat part (aaaarrr) and I took a picture of it. And then I finished the sky and I forgot to take a picture of it. So you’ll have to take my word for it that the sky is very nice – pleasant horizontal lines representing pale clouds. In the meantime, tugboat!
Pirate tugboard reborn – part 2.
April 20th, 2011Booyah! I have drawn a sea creature! So cute.
I’d like you to notice that this is an octopus, but you can only see six legs. That is because two are in the back, and are therefore blocked from view. Please don’t send me grumpy emails defining the word “octo”.
Now, I must attack the pirate tugboat. We’re gonna get there, team. We’re gonna get there.
Pirate tugboard – reborn.
April 14th, 2011Remember the pirate tugboat drawing I was working on back in the day? This one?
I’ve decided to give it another shot. I found a different board that’s a lot smoother, so my pen shouldn’t get snagged on the tiny ridges anymore, meaning a more controlled line. So far I’ve done the seaweed outline and the corner crabs.
In order to get the waves as perfect as I want them to be, I’m going to have to cut stencils for each size of wave. A ton of work, I hope it pays off.
Macy’s Flower Show 2011.
April 14th, 2011Flower show, people! Very exciting! I don’t know if they had a cohesive theme this year like they have had in years past; it seemed a bit hodge-podge. But I’m not complaining. As always, all kinds of plants with bright colors and textures, oh, it makes me so happy.
The entrance was a bit eh in my opinion, all fake flowers slapped all over the walls. And in the window boxes were plants with cakes in the middle representing the different fairy tales.
I gravitated towards the succulent window as usual, and the wee succulents were delightful. If I lived in a desert climate, I would pour all my money into my garden for sure.
So, whoever was in charge this year was not afraid of the spookier plants, because as you came in and turned into the bag section – blammo! – you were confronted with giant freaky pitcher plants dangling in your face. They were so big and had so much presence when I almost bumped into them I said, “Excuse me,” to them.
Nearby these monster pitcher plants was the aye-aye of the plant world. The were a thick, fleshy, reddish, pointy plant covered with whitish fur. It looked like someone with white back hair got a bad sunburn.
That wasn’t the ickiest part though. It was the petals creeping out of the pods. All I could think about is every horror movie where they show a door, and sloooooowly dirty fingers with jacked-up nails come around the edge of the door, and you know OH DEAR GOD HORRIBLE DEMON A-COMIN’ and then you cover your eyes with your hand (if you’re me).
And then cactus cactus cactus.
All kinds of cactii. I love cactii and succulents so much because I think they look like totally alien creatures, very Dr. Seussian. And there’s such a variety of sizes and shapes! I never cease to be enthralled by them and their wackiness.
Also, orchids. Really stellar ones this year.
And, of course, no flower show would be complete without a picture of a papyrus plant with the little sign written in Papyrus font.
Additional flower show photos: woman exhausted and sleeping next to the jewelry section.
And the panderingest pandery thing ever: the jewelry case totally devoted to the look of former Princess Diana’s ring, now Kate’s ring. Here’s a pic of the ring.
And here’s the case.
Reasons my family left Russia.
April 8th, 2011You might think it was the persecution or the lack of opportunity, but you’d be wrong. It would be the wacky animals that get waaaaay too close to the humans. I work in a highly urbanized area. I am accustomed to interacting with squirrels or little brown birds. In Russia, it is different. I would leave too.
Example 1: Cop stops guy at
routine traffic stop, quickly leaps into vehicle due to a pack of wolves running by.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vACtukwBHTw
Example 2: Cuddly bear who wants to eat your feet off. Notice the moonwalking at 0:40.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8VDd1wzskI
And my favorite, Example 3: Wild hamster who looks like he’s wearing overalls. Hey, guys filming, hamster does not want to be petted.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhO-qMeMjtA
I made me a lariat! And now I never have to make one again.
April 5th, 2011I am a bit obsessed with Laura McCabe lately (I’ve blogged about her before) because when I was in Michael’s a few weeks ago, I saw her book Embellished Beadweaving. I then lost my mind and decided to make a lariat for myself. I had no human conception of how freakin’ long it takes to make one of these things. Holy Moses, it took forever. I just wanted a long green plain lariat with sparkly bits at either end, but I used a very stiff stitch called herringbone stitch, so when I finished it (several thousand hours later) and put it around my neck, it looked like I was being slowly choked to death by a garden hose which, shockingly, was not the look I was going for. So I sat there pensively trying to figure out how to solve my problem. I decided to snip the lariat right in the middle and put a beaded something-or-other there to act as a hinge, and then I made a beaded doothangy to bring the two sides together so they wouldn’t migrate to my armpits. Finally, after like a month of non-stop beading, I am done with it and I must say it turned out pretty well. Hooray for me. I don’t know if I’ll ever make one again.
Retouching. I can has it – sort of.
March 31st, 2011My job needed some nice-ish pictures of Heineken bottles for a project we’re working on, so I went and picked up a six-pack and photographed them in a variety of positions (“Okay, lean a little in, nice, smile a bit, good…”) in a conference room while my co-worker held up a large white piece of paper behind them. When I finished, I realized that unretouched photos, even ones of bottles, look, well, not great. So I spent the five hours makin’ ’em look purty. Take into account that I don’t really know how to retouch things, so I was making it up as I went along.
First of all, retouching is really hard. Every time you fix something, you notice something else that doesn’t look right. It’s an ouroboros of annoying. The main problem I came across (aside from having to edit out dirt flecks and light flares for what seemed like forever) is that Heineken’s bottle is darkish green and their beer is tea-colored. However, they like to give the impression that their bottle is bright green and their beer is golden and lit from the inside with a heavenly light, like an angel accidentally dropped a halo into it. I’m not going to get that effect taking photos in a conference room with natural light. So I did the best I could lightening and greening-up the beer, while not modifying the label or the cap, which didn’t need greening. I reiterate, a colossal pain in the patoot. Mad props to my retouching friends who do this for a living. My hat goes off to you.