All I want for Christmas is a nap.

December 25th, 2010

Ugh. I keep forgetting that my work has ebbs and flows, and this time of year is always horrendous. I have had to work so flippin’ hard these past two weeks, I haven’t had time to blog. Or bathe. Or keep my sanity. I do apologize that my posts have been so slackerly, but hopefully the upcoming months will be less work-consuming. I hope.

Now, things I have seen in my travels in New York. But first, there was this sidebar on Buzzfeed.

I thought it was magical. I didn’t click it. I like the version I have in my head better.

I work across the street from a Mrs. Field’s Cookie-Procuring Facility, and in the window they were displaying this.

Yeah, taking a heart-shaped cookie and flipping it upside-down to make Santa’s face isn’t working. His beard looks like a butt and the blob of red twisty frosting representing his mouth looks like a very special holiday sphincter. Next time, use an oval-shaped cookie.

I also work down the street from Koreatown, where many restaurants and bars and karaoke lounges. One of them had this sign outside.

I think they meant “Happy Hour”, but every time I walk past the sign it feels like a frat boy is yelling at me. “Come in here! You’ll be happy all friggin’ night!!”

In keeping with our wordy theme, I often complain about the unnecessary use of apostrophes, but recently I came across the absence of an apostrophe and it made me equally sad.

Awww. Unhappy emoticon here.

This dress caught my eye and made my day.

It looks like a regular black cocktail dress, but through the use of expensive ruffled ribbon and oddly-shaped sequins, it became beautiful and unique. Hey! People at home! Pay attention! A little elbow grease can turn ordinary garments into fancy-pants evening wear! Heed my words! DIY clothes need not be horrifying! Thank you!

I was on my way to Times Square, and I passed a pop-up Sanrio store in the middle of Broadway. And parked next to it…

It’s a cute little Smartcar covered in Hello Kitty heads! And a truck covered in other characters! So adorable!

Anyway, Merry Christmas to you all. I’m off to have Chinese food, as is the way of my people.

Macy’s Christmas windows.

December 14th, 2010

I tend to only get excited about Saks Fifth Avenue windows and Barney’s windows, but this year I was super-pleased to read this article:

http://theater.lohudblogs.com/2010/11/17/proof-of-purchase-at-macys-windows/

That’s my alma mater, y’all! Since I graduated from the Theater Design Tech program at SUNY Purchase with a degree in Set Design and  I work across the street from Macy’s, I felt obligated to check out my former classmates and their activities. So the other day I sauntered across the street and checked out the windows. Here are some pictures to give you an idea.

They built the whole thing out of paper, which I think is a great idea. I think they did a swell job with the forced perspective and all. They even did the animatronics as well (we’ll get to that later). It bothered me that the characters they built didn’t match the style of the environment at all. I also think that while there are spots where the paperwork is spectacular, there are some spots where they didn’t push far enough with the material. That being said, I can’t judge them at all because who knows how much time they were given or if some Macy’s bigwig came in and gave his opinion and even though it was crap, they were forced to follow it. I don’t know the politics behind the making of the windows. So I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt. Here are some of the more beautiful paper details.

And there was one window that gave me chills because it looked EXACTLY like draftings I had to make when I was a sophomore. I mean, uncannily similar. And since these people took the same classes as me, it’s very possible that it is taken from those draftings. I had a really rough time at college (entirely my own fault, but still) and it took me right back there, like a ‘Nam flashback.

Ahhhhhhhh.

Each window had some form of animation, things sliding into frame, things sliding out, etc. and my favorite was the village with the tree in the center.

The whole village lifted up, but if the tree didn’t move forward, the hole cut out for it would scrape the paper off the tree, so they have the tree tip forward when they lift the set. It was neat. I made an animated gif for your enjoyment.

Ah, it was delightful. Here’s a picture of the wee children enjoying the experience with their eyes full of wonder.

Hopefully this week I’ll have a chance to run over to Saks Fifth Avenue and see what they have goin’ on window-wise.

A whole pile of random television-related items.

December 8th, 2010

1. I do not like football, but I love the little Fox robot that dances on the side of the screen from time to time. If I am forced to watch a football game, the robot is usually all I enjoy.

Robot doin’ his thang.

I have just found out the robot’s name is Cletus. This only further endears him to me.

2. Remember back when I complained about the wallpaper in the Eminem video? Here’s the entry. I guess there must be a discount on that wallpaper for TV decorators, because I’ve been seeing it everywhere. I was watching Scrubs, and there it was. And a few days later I caught a JCPenney’s commercial, and whaddya know, my nemesis Beautiful But Too Expensive Wallpaper is in the background. We meet again. *slitted eyes*

3. I was channel-flipping and stopped upon Hoarding; Buried Alive, and while they were interviewing this woman, I couldn’t stop staring at the thing behind her.

What the hell is that thing? I thought it looked like a startled Uruk Hai. Uruk Hai, in case you don’t know, are these profoundly icky war creatures from Lord of the Rings. Here’s a picture of one.

Still don’t see it? I photoshopped the original image to help you out.

Now? With the ganked-up teeth/buttons? Well, I have no idea what this woman was saying because I spent the whole time saying, “IT’S LOOKING AT ME. MAKE IT STOP LOOKING AT ME.”

4. A while back Snorth introduced me to this playwright named Edgar Oliver. Edgar has the most bizarre speech pattern. I was like, yeah, whatever, he’s a big hairy bucket of odd. And then, I was watching a show called Oddities on Discovery and poof! there was Edgar. It was like a switch was flipped. I am obsessed with him now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmIq3paht2U

It’s such an unhealthy obsession, I have made an mp3 of all of his dialog from this episode where he rents a strait jacket for his play. I want to turn it into a ringtone or something. Especially when he says, “Yes,” around the 46-second mark. So, so very creepy and awesome.

Edgar at Obscura

Meet the Breeds.

December 3rd, 2010

Back a few months ago, before work took over my life, I went to an event called Meet the Breeds in the Javitz Center in New York. It was supposed to have 140 breeds of dogs and 60 breeds of cats. Alas, that was not true: they had closer to 50 breeds of dogs and 25 breeds of cats. AND they didn’t have my favorite breed of dog, which is the Borzoi or Russian Wolfhound. Also, it’s only the second year they have done this, so it was quite chaotic. But I got to meet a whole bunch of doggie breeds I previously didn’t know, and that was exciting. Here’s a brief and extremely late recap.

As I came in, I was greeted by cat agility, which caused me to giggle. Note how well it is going. The cat is just looking at the hurdle. It ain’t jumpin’ for anything. This could take days.

I went up and down the rows, dogs first, then cats, and I came to the realization that both dog and cat owners are equally insane. They owners were allowed to decorate their display space any way they wanted, and some people went as far as they could go. In the Saluki booth, they had an entire Saharan tent, with leather poofs to sit on and carpets and everything. I imagine if they could bring in a camel, they would have. The owners often dressed up as well. We’ll get to that.

I went late in the day, so many beasties were starting to get tired. Like this itty-bitty teeny tiny Chihuahua. It must be hard holding up that giant bulbous forehead.

One of the breeds I was introduced to was the Cirneco d’Etna. Etna is an active volcano in Sicily (when I went to Sicily, Etna was oozing black goop and ash, very thrilling).

Here is a picture of the Cirneco d’Etna. I don’t know if you can tell from the picture, but his owner is eating a sandwich, and the dog is very interested in the sandwich. I think he is willing the sandwich to float over to him. COME TO ME, he is saying. I MUST EAT YOU.

Another new dog I was introduced to was the Portuguese Podengo Pequeno. I love that name. Alliteration makes me happy, and this name has it in spades.

And there it is, the Portuguese Podengo Pequeno. It was a long day, and the doggie was tired. I might recommend to the owners next year not to match everything to the color of the dog. You don’t want to camouflage your beast, you want it to pop. Perhaps next year, a deep blue-green petrol color garment and pillow. Just a suggestion.

The third breed I was introduced to was the Xolointzcuintli (pronounced sho-lo-intz-queent-lee), the hairless Mexican dog.

“Hairless” is a bit inaccurate, because the dog (which is really sweet, by the way) has a tuft of white hair on the top of its head.

Now, concerning the dressing up: People wanted you to be excited about their breed, so often they would dress up to something pertaining to their breed. For example, there is the Corgi. The Queen of England, Queen Elizabeth II, loves corgis. So, if you look in the background, you will notice a woman dressed as the Queen in front of a fake castle.

And there is a breed of cat called the Ragdoll. So this owner dressed as, well, you know.

Where I draw the line is dressing up your beast. There’s some breed of cat that is related to the Wild West or cowboys in some way, and this is what the breed aficionados decided to do to them.

Okay, I don’t know much about alotta things, but one thing I do know – you do not put a tiny cowboy hat with an elastic head-holder-thing on a cat AND a kerchief AND then perch it on a saddle for long periods of time. If you do that and the cat scratches all the skin off the soles of your feet while you are sleeping, then the cat is completely justified. In fact, I would suggest we give the cat an award for showing self-restraint and only flaying your feet and not all the way up to your knee. Good kitty.

Happy Fangsgiving!

November 27th, 2010

Happy post-Thanksgiving, y’all! I haven’t written anything for a while due to a combination of nothing interesting happening to me and being worked to the bone, but I’ve had a few days off and I have recuperated, and I also went to see the Thanksgiving Day Parade again from my office, which I will delve into momentarily. But first, I hosted the festive feasting at my apartment this year, and I cooked everything myself for the first time. I’ve never had that much raw dead poultry in my personal space before, I wasn’t really prepared for the sheer ookiness of the whole thing. I got parts-of-bird instead of one giant turkey because most of my family likes dark meat, so I was marinating the many legs and thighs and the one breast in a variety of vessels in my fridge overnight. I would forget they were there, and I would stumble into the kitchen for a drink in the middle of the night, open the refrigerator door and – AAAHHHHHH! Corpses! Corpses littering my – and then I would remember, that’s right, I put them there. This happened at least three times. Then I had to rub the skin with butter, really massage it in there, which caused me to have a total Silence of the Lambs moment, and the worst part of the directions was “put the remaining butter in the chest cavity.” Dear God, cooking can be so gross. But dinner went smashingly, except that I couldn’t find all of my grandmother’s fancy cutlery and that caused a few small problems. Have you ever watched people eat jello mold with herring forks? It does not go well. It looks like they are all unwillingly participating in an obstacle for a Nickelodeon game show. But the next morning I got to go with my father and see the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade from my office, and that was delightful. I’ve covered it before, and everyone has seen it live on TV, so I’m going to only talk about specific bits that were of importance to me. Many of the pictures are mine, and the rest are taken by my beautiful co-worker Lor who was stationed on the ground and often had a better view.

Because they’ve changed the parade route, they performances no longer happen right in front of my building, but around the corner, so the only way I could see the dance routines was to watch the reflection in the mirrored building across the street. If you look above the Foot Locker sign, you’ll see the reflection.

Pokemon went by and he had a really great preceding float. I believe all of the balloons had little floats before them or following them. I thought this one was shnazzy.

My favorite float was the Jimmy Dean Breakfast Food Items float. While I actively dislike his breakfast food items, specifically his sausage, I am enamored of the commercials and this float. Damn you, Jimmy Dean, and your sub-par product! You taunt me with rainbows and solar systems! You are like the Lisa Frank of pork sausage!

There were two castle-type floats that caught my eye. One was the Office Max float. Why they picked a Foster’s Home of Imaginary Friends-type house as their float, I do not know, but I thought it was great. Then there was the pink castle. Now, I am a female, I have always been (despite some rumors to the contrary) and I like girly things just fine. But this pink castle, it was just so, PINK. I was overwhelmed, like I had been slapped in the face with a uterus. Filled with glitter.

There were two costumes/floats I desperately want to be on or in some year. One was at the base of the Murakami balloons. Here are the Murakami balloons.

And here is the costume.

Maybe they’ll let me borrow the headdress part and I can wear on the weekends while I run my errands. I think that would be super.

The other thing I wanted to be a part of is the small following float of Spongebob Squarepants. There was a very nice mermaid riding a lobster.

I MUST RIDE THE LOBSTER. I would wave so hard, my arms would fall off. Mayor Bloomberg, let me ride the lobster please!

This girl had a hell of a job, walking in front of the Big Apple float with Kanye West on it. I wonder if people threw stuff at her.

And here’s Kanye.

Following the Big Apple/Kanye float was a herd of people dressed like cops and robbers because…crime in New York is up? Or down? Maybe Riker’s Island paid for the float? I don’t know.

The other bizarre combination was a Statue of Liberty float (okay) covered with the little minions from Despicable Me (huh?). My father has not seen the film and insisted they were salt shakers. What was neat about them is they were all little people in there, but I don’t think there was any way for them to see out, so the ones on the float were fine, but the ones wandering around the street waving each got their own handler who would hold their hand and gently steer them around.

There were two balloons I had never seen which looked like the die (dii?) from Dungeons and Dragons. They weren’t really near anything else recognizable, so I wonder why they were there.

I was really excited about this float: you all know that I painted a piece based on the story of the world being on the back of a tortoise, and then there was this! And I was there with my dad, who told me the story! I felt like singing “Circle of Life” from The Lion King.

I also loved the Ukrainian ball balloons.

And that’s about it. I’ve spent the rest of the weekend so far working on my own artwork, so hopefully soon I’ll have a cool post about that. In the meantime, I hope everyone has a healthy and happy Thanksgiving weekend.

Addendum: The person in front of the Murakami float was, in fact, Takashi Murakami. So the chances of me getting to wear that costume are slim to none. Someday, though, I would like to be as happy as he is in the second picture. So. Happy.

(These two photos of Takashi Murakami are from slamxhype.com.)

Doily pattern of death, Part 2.

November 18th, 2010

I showed my co-worker my design and he said he found the leafy parts distracting, so I deleted them and whaddya know, it’s better. Now it looks like this:

I need to keep remembering that white space is not the devil. I know nature abhors a vacuum (and so do I – my dust bunnies are now dust rhinos! booyah!), but there can be empty space in my work and the earth will not collapse into itself. All kinds of pleased with myself, I immediately started to work on a second complicated doily. And after investing six hours in that one, I realized it was waaaay way too complicated.

SO MANY SQUIGGLES. And the lines are too thin. So, sadly, I broke it all apart and culled the ornateness down. After another four hours of fussin’, I got it down to this:

Good. Better. Less stuff all over the place.

I found a place that would cut out my stencil for me. Expect to see exciting things pertaining to this in the near future.

The gamut of emotions in mere minutes.

November 11th, 2010

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know that the last two Christmases seasons I have been obsessed with these dripping lights draped all over the trees outside my office. Every year I try to make an animated gif of them to capture the magic. I fail every time, but it doesn’t mean I won’t stop.

I decided this year to look at see if I could find them for myself and I could have drippy Christmas lights all year ’round, which would be GLORIOUS. So I did a hunt on the internet, and lookit! I found them!

(This is part where I am happy.)

And then…I see the price.

Holy crapbadgers! That’s five lights (I’m not counting the amount of bulbs, I’m just counting the tubes) for over $100 a tube. Ehhhhh.

(Now I’m sad.)

Maybe they sell shorter, thinner, less industrial versions. I’ll look for those.

And they do!

(Happy-ish.)

Aaaaand, then there’s the price again.

(Sad.)

Okay, now they’re $33.00 a tube. Better, sort of.

Long story short, they sell itty bitty ones for about $10.00 a tube. But it’s a really short tube and there are only 18 LED bulbs in each tube, so I would have to see them in action to see if they have the same effect as the long ones. It’s all been very emotional. I need a nap.

Addendum on December 7th: They have not put the lights in the trees. I am concerned. Perhaps there will not be drippy lights in the tree this year. I therefore see no reason to go to work until January.

Doily pattern…of death!

November 9th, 2010

I’m in a flurry of creativity over here at Casa Rothmanpants, and I just spent a good six hours designing this really complicated pattern. I’m going to have it professionally cut out to be a stencil because there’s no way in hell I can cut it out by hand, not if I want it done in my lifetime. Ignore the leaves, those are there for my reference. The black part is the part getting cut out. The leaves I will be handpainting in later.

Now I have to see if I can find a place in the city that will cut this out for me without charging me all the money in the world ever. The hunt begins…

Halloween 2010.

November 4th, 2010

Last week was Halloween, so I done got m’self all costumed up (as The Rotten Tooth Fairy, pictures below) and attempted to win an iPad for best costume at the work party. I did not win, but I think I looked pretty rad nonetheless. Here is a bathroom shot of my costume.

Someone described me as looking like a “chubby steampunk bounty hunter”, which I thought was an EXCELLENT description of my costume. I will break it down for you.

Number 1 is a bowler hat that I put a temporary band on. Then I printed the letters T O O T H and watercolored the paper so it looked aged. I put those letters on wires and hit the letters with some gold for added ping.

Number 2 is a necklace I strung with molars I made out of polymer clay for extra creepitude. Those were a big hit wherever I went.

Number 3 are antique dental instruments I bought on eBay. There are two pick-things jammed in my waistband, but the best one were the pliers that hung from my belt. The pliers are cupped inside so as to better grab at your toofers.

The work gathering was delightful. I always like to be reminded that I work with creative people, and that was in full force. Here’s S. being a Na’avi from Avatar. You can’t appreciate it, but his puffy white things have LEDs in them and they light up.

Here’s a timely costume – a bedbug. I think the eyelashes really make it.

Also timely, a Chilean miner.

Dead Marie Antoinette.

P. was a superhero, and he made a sign that said “POW” that you held next to your head while he pretended to punch you. I thought that was a genius costume. He now has, like, thirty shots with people making their best “punched in the jaw by a superhero” face. Here’s mine. I look like I’m being abducted by aliens, but I’ve never been punched in the face before by anyone, so I was woefully inexperienced.

My favorite costume of the day was the “Wrecked Fung Wah Bus”. The Fung Wah bus is a bus that goes from Chinatown in New York to Boston. It’s about $30.00, so in that respect it’s great. It’s not so great that the bus crashes from time to time. I am definitely biased because Chuck Norris the Oversized Pomeranian was part of the costume and I love that damn dog so much. He puts up with everything. He’s not bothered by this weirdness at all.

Someone else was a great New York Times crossword puzzle.

And this is my lovely co-worker Börkke going as the personification of the song, “Once, Twice, Three Times a Lady”. She borrowed my t-shirt with the speaker in the front and I programmed it to play the song. Rather shnazzy.

They announced the winners, and I didn’t place, but I was totally okay with that because the other costumes kicked so much butt. Dead Marie Antoinette got first place and an iPad, Wrecked Fung Wah Bus got second (go Chuck Norris!) and Avatar got third.

The next night, I went to my annual Riedel Dance Company Halloween Fundraiser Dance Thing. As always, it was delightful. JR and his wife went as a band called GRAPHIC INTENSITY. They insisted that the band’s name be typed in caps.

There was line dancing.

And someone was there as Paul the Octopus, the semi-famous octopus who picked the winning teams for the World Cup.

And this was the costumed Paul the Octopus. He had a nametag with Paul on it and a soccer ball to complete his look.

Has everyone seen the video of the Red-Shirt-Guy at Blizzcon asking a question about World of Warcraft? If you haven’t, you should.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwyMB19q7ms

Now, armed with that knowledge, I want you to imagine me cornering Paul the Octopus Costume Guy and saying in Red Shirt Guy’s voice:

“I like it, but it would have been easier to identify you as a cephalopod if you had painted chromatophores on your costume. Chromatophores are the cells in the skin of the octopus that allow it to change color and texture. Individual colored areas in the cell swell and shrink depending on the color the octopus is trying to mimic, like a TV screen.”

BECAUSE THAT’S PRECISELY WHAT I DID. I felt so bad for him. He was nice about it and everything, but I still feel like a complete dweeb.

When I got back to White Plains on the last Metro-North train, I wasn’t tired at all, so I trundled off in costume to the diner at 3:00 a.m., where I was accosted by what I like to call Whore-loween (girls, you have beautiful bodies, but for the love of Pete, PUT SOME PANTS ON), and it was loud. These broads were noisy and sloppy-drunk and made it very difficult for me to listen to my iPod and eat my sandwich. There was a lot of “You’re dead to me!” and “I can’t believe you!” and “Fuhget her, she’s a total skank!” and various other statements I can’t write here due to the coarse language. And then I went home and went to sleep while the sun came up. A delightful Halloween all around.

Things and stuff.

October 27th, 2010

1. Chart!

2. Spam!

The first bit is your standard “I don’t speak English, so I’m going to cobble a statement together using words I picked up out of a basket at the Salvation Army, and this shall cause much mirth among the native English tongue-folk” spam. The second one is the one that made me laugh.

So…you were moved to tears by…my flair collection? Was it the “Peanut Butter Jelly Time” one? That always makes me misty as well.

3. Covers and Mash-ups!

There’s this hipster jazzy version of “Single Ladies” that has grown on me. It’s sassy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIr8-f2OWhs

There’s this version of “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, sung by an Estonian acapella group. I can’t stop listening to it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4Eb2LGj714

There’s this mashup of the theme song of Mad Men and a song by Nat King Cole, sung by Brian Williams’ (the news anchor) daughter. Read the description. It’s all one shot and not lip-synced or anything.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEj0z0maxzM

And then there’s these two guys who did a mashup of three pop songs, and damn if I don’t like their version better than all the other original songs. They used “Love the Way You Lie”, “Dynamite”, and “Teenage Dream”. I truly HATE HATE HATE the way he does his “L” (Does your tongue really have to come all the way out of your mouth? Really? Does it?), but his enthusiasm is great.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkHJ2-zoSB4