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I’ve been watching movies.

March 14th, 2010

I haven’t been watching movies because of the Oscars, mind you. Last year’s Oscar-nominee-watching binge taught me never to do that again. I think one of the requirements to be nominated for Best Picture is to be so depressing you want to kill myself when it’s over (The Reader, anyone? Can I sprinkle some Slumdog Millionaire on that for you?). So this year, I decided I would only watch movies I wanted to. In the process I did end up seeing some Best Picture contenders (Avatar, Up), but only because I was interested in what the film had to say. I’ve just recently seen a whole bunch of films – Braveheart (yeah, I know, I don’t know why I didn’t get around to it before), District 9 and The Hurt Locker. I’m now watching Inglorious Basterds because Christoph Waltz is so dreamy. I love a multilingual man in uniform, even if that uniform is a baddie uniform, with lightning bolts and swastikas and skulls on them. I’m not picky.

Braveheart
1. A few things: I could not get past the fluffy mullets with the wee braidlets in them. I don’t care how much of a barbarian you are, if you look like a combination of a shaggy dog and an eight-year-old girl, you can talk about battle and freedom and fling all the large rocks you want, I’m not going to take you seriously.
2. How did I not notice how freakin’ attractive Mel Gibson was? Aye and begorrah, those blue eyes. I could almost overlook the Where The Wild Things Are hair. Almost.
3. I loved when the Irish and Scottish met up on the battlefield. That’s probably my favorite moment in the film.
4. Did everyone not love The Man Who Could Not Be Killed? He was the older fellah, Hamish’s father? At one point there was an arrow in his chestal regions, where I believe many people keep their vital organs, which would cause those people to die, but not him, this Scottish Rasputin. He then had his hand chopped off with an axe, but that didn’t slow him down. Finally, after a battle sequence where I think he was whacked in the midsection with a sword, finally, later that night, he died. He totally reminded me of Monty Python’s Black Knight (“‘Tis but a scratch!” “A scratch? Your arm’s off!” “No, it isn’t!” “Well, what’s that then?” “I’ve had worse.”) By the way, you lose a lot of coolness points in life for yelling out Monty Python lines throughout the whole of Braveheart, like I did. (“There’s some lovely mud over ‘ere!”) Especially during the scenes with the English king and his femme homosexual son. I basically quoted this whole scene.
5. Remember that glorious night a few years ago, when Mel had a few too many and got a DUI? When he called the lady cop something resembling “Honey Mammaries,” and he said the Jews caused all the wars in the world? I made Cricket laugh when the movie was over and I yelled at the screen, “Hey, Mel, see this war between Scotland and England? In 1200 A.D.? How’d we cause this one, Mel? HUH? Tell me, I’d love to hear that.”
Final feelings: Braveheart was a sword-clanging disemboweling good time. I don’t think it’s my favorite movie of all time by any means, but it was certainly worth seeing. Too many battle sequences for my taste.

District 9
South Africa gettin’ all apartheid on aliens. I am not kidding. That’s the plot. I am 100% biased in favor of this film, simply because I love love LOVE the accents. My large portion of my family lives in South Africa and my parents lived in Johannesburg for a year and a half, so I have a close attachment to the culture and the people. So as soon as this film started, I was a happy camper. It did fill the criteria for Best Picture because it had a very sad ending. And I find any film that has copious amounts of trash and no plants makes me sad (I had a real problem with WALL-E). Final feelings: loved the accents, didn’t like the trash, mega-sad ending.

The Hurt Locker
DUSTIEST MOVIE EVER. Remember how I was a-bitchin’ and a-moaning about all the bright colors in Avatar? I take that back. Waaaay back. I wanted to start introductions between this film and color (“Hi. Hurt Locker? Meet my friends, Red, Blue and Green. Why don’t you all take off your shoes and get comfortable, hmmmm?”) Also, ain’t no dames in this picture neither. I don’t know if I would make it Best Picture myself, but it was definitely tension-filled. These army guys are in Iraq defusing bombs, so there’s a ton of shots where someone slooooooowly reaches for a wire, and geeeeeeently moves a triggery bit, and there you are chewing your hands off at the wrists. Oh, and here’s a gigantor spoiler, so don’t read this if you plan to see the film:

:::SPOILER::: There were three actors in this film that I was really psyched to see: Guy Pierce (“Priscilla, Qwayne of the Desitt!”), the guy who played the bloodless serial killer on the first season of Dexter, and Ralph Fiennes. RALPH, people. And guess what? They all die really quickly in their various scenes. They barely get five lines out before – poof! – they go from a solid to a fine mist due to an IED going off right next to them, or a sniper picks them off. Why do you get awesome actors in your film and then give then nothing fun to do, and also kill them? It makes no sense to me. :::SPOILER:::

When I’m done with Inglorious Basterds, I will let you know how I feel about it.

Addendum: I’m done with it. Was there a point to that film? Aside from Christoph Waltz (dreamy), it was kind of… pointless. I don’t think I like Quentin Tarantino’s writing style very much. I didn’t much care for Pulp Fiction, and from what I know about Reservoir Dogs, I wouldn’t like that much either.

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(Insert Darth Vader breathing sounds)

March 9th, 2010

So I had my apnea sleep study done at the local hospital, and that was… a thing I did. It was pretty awful, frankly – not painful or anything, but extemely not-comfortable. I arrived and the nice nurse lady told me to change into my jammies and then escorted me to a sleeping room. Then the nice lady had me run wires down my pants and wrapped two very tight elastic bands around me, one around my bosomy region and one around my waist, is great all these nice people work in the medical field, and if you want to become one of these people you can discover open residency spots and unlock fresh opportunities too. After that there was the attaching of the fifteen or so metal receiver things that looked like snaps to my head, neck and shoulders. I would like to inform you that they use a combination of 3M tape (more on that later) and some kind of grout for humans. Human caulk. Vaseline plays a role in there too, I’m not sure what. After I was all wired up, the nice lady plugged me into a box and attached that box to a machine in the bedside table. Oooh, let’s not forget the snore monitor that when in my nose and behind my ears and the finger cuff with the insanely short cord. You ready for the money shot? Here it is.

When I was fully attached to the bedside table by no less than three cables, the nice lady told me I couldn’t cover myself with any sheets or anything, and I had to lay on my back all night. In complete darkness and silence. I normally sleep with the TV or radio on, so this is not a nice happy soothing scenario for me. After what seemed like eons, I decided TO HECK with the rules, I’m rolling over (I normally sleep on my stomach). Just for your future information, rolling over with what feels like a bomb strapped to your body is more difficult than you would think. It is a slow, tedious process that ends with you saying to yourself, “Well, okay, that’s not much better.” I imagine I looked like a lethargic kraken. Everything is pointy and tangledy and your hair gets slowly knotted up in your breathing apparatus. After I had completed this Herculean task, I realized I had to use the bathroom. And that I was tethered to the bedside table. So I had to be unhooked by the nice lady and rehooked upon my return. And then the silence and the darkness and the lying-on-the-back continued. That was pretty much the whole night. I did eventually fall asleep, what I call “the sleep of the extremely tired person who has no other options”. At 5:45 a.m., the nice lady came in and removed the all the plugs and tubes and TAPE. The tape caused me to appreciate that we evolved from apes because along with the tape came off all those fine little hairs one has one’s body, similar to a gorilla. Also, did I mention what else the tape took off? A nice layer of skin. I layer of skin I was clearly still using. Hell of a way to wake up after a fitful night of rest at 6:00 in the morning. I wandered off into the burgeoning dawn like a zombie, my face a mix of wrinkles from the tubes and sticky from the glue, my hair clumped with spackle and Vaseline. My test results will be back in two weeks. We’ll see what the nice nurse lady has to say.

Addendum on March 16th: I officially have sleep apnea. Not life-threatening, but not good either. I am going to be fitted for a CPAP machine, and possibly later in my life I will have the inside of my nose surgically widened (it is crookedy and the passages are small). But first, CPAP machine.

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Polymer Convention in Baltimore – Part 2.

March 3rd, 2010

I didn’t really see the possibilities in polymer clay before because most of the work out there is, for lack of a better work, clunky. There was nothing delicate, nothing precise and defined. And then I found Jeffrey Lloyd Dever. JLD is a renowned polymer artist. He’s in galleries. He’s in museums. He is my polymer hero.

I mean, look at this sculptural teapot, for crying out loud. How awesome is this thing?

It is also over $4,000. I don’t often use emoticons, but I will make an exception here. 🙁

One of the reasons I went to this convention was to study at the feet of the master. I consider myself able to speak fairly coherently, but when I met Jeffrey Lloyd Dever, I turned into a total three-year-old. (“HELLO. I CAME TO THIS CONVENTION BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.”) However, he seemed to be okay with that, and he gracefully dealt with my tendency to stare unblinkingly at him whenever he was around.* But the best thing was that JLD had a few pieces for sale. Granted, they were pricey, but not atrociously so. And… I bought one. I totally did! It’s a little piece. It’s supposed to be worn as a pin, but I intend to get a small shadowbox and hang it on the wall. I loves it so very much. It’s like owning an original da Vinci for me. Here’s a crappity picture I took of it.

*What? He might do something creative and genius and I would miss it. Must… maintain… constant… eye contact…

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Polymer convention in Baltimore – Part 1.

March 3rd, 2010

I bet you thought I was dead, didn’t you? Well, I wasn’t! I was at a convention in Baltimore, my very first convention about anything. It was for polymer clay. As you may or may not know, I have taken an interest in polymer clay lately because I see buckets of potential in it. I wrote a whole entry on it previously. The convention was lovely, I must say. Everyone was really nice and informative and I learned all kinds of new techniques and what the material is capable of, etc.. I took a whole mess of notes. Unfortunately from a picture-taking angle, we didn’t actually make anything. We just learned about making things. So almost all of my classes looked like this:

And we were not allowed to take pictures in the gallery or exhibition hall, so I have no cool pictures of the convention to share with you. However, I am able to show you some pictures of the hotel we were in. It was so very pretty. It’s called the Tremont Grand on St. Paul Street in Baltimore. It was built as a Masonic Hall in 18-something-something, and the architecture is impressive. It’s not how I would decorate my house, but it is definitely stunning.

And the architecture in Baltimore itself, oh, it is something else. The many crack-addled people sauntering around the neighborhood the hotel was located in (anybody see The Wire? Yeah, it was like that), even they looked beautiful against the turrets and bay windows and columns. It’s just beautiful. Here’s a building that caught my eye. I wouldn’t mind living there, not one bit.

And here’s a building from the Art Deco period with owls (must I remind you of my feelings for owls?), but more importantly, angry sparrows! And the city’s mascot, the crab!

Tomorrow I will tell you of my exciting Baltimore convention purchase.

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We now take a short break for some cute.

February 19th, 2010

I found some more pictures of really swell cupcakes on Flickr:

and my personal favorite, mainly for the name: The Straw-Berried Treasure Cupcake.

The cute inspiration bug bit me again recently when I saw the submarine tea thingie.

That makes me so happy. I have loose tea that I use occasionally, I may end up purchasing this.

Also, on a more macabre but still cute note, how badly do I want this wallpaper? (Answer: really freakin’ badly).

I love animals. I love anatomy. I love black and gray. I want – nay, I NEED – this wallpaper.

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Westminster Dog Show 2010. Also, belated Christmas present.

February 18th, 2010

1. Snorth and I exchanged holiday presents in February (hey, are you perfect? I think not), I gave her the “Rubenstein D’Grumples” drawing, and she surprised me with this great piece. Here’s the back story: Snorth bought a flower pot that looks like a snail. It cracked, so she was no longer able to put plants in it. Instead of weeping and rending her garments, she repurposed it. She crocheted a little dome out of eyelash yarn, which looked like a little moss cap, and then crocheted accompanying mushrooms on top of that. Snorth stuffed the snail pot and put this moss ‘n’ mushrooms on top and voila: instant terrificness.

Isn’t that charming? I don’t know where to put it in my apartment yet, but I love it and I’m going to find it a good home.

2. DOG SHOW OMG BBQ. Anyone who reads this blog knows how much I look forward to this thing every year. And this year was no disappointment. My camera decided to die last year at Westminster, so I was concerned I wouldn’t have any pictures this year with my new camera, like I was cursed. But my new camera did great and many of my pictures came out just fine. I’m going to take you through the benching area which isn’t photographed much. It’s where the dogs are groomed and where they wait before being judged.

There are these little patches of wood shavings throughout the room, and that’s where the dogs relieve themselves before heading out into the ring. Here are two papillons (French for “butterfly”, so called because of the giant, wing-like ears) contemplating takin’ a tinkle.

In order to keep your beast looking their best, you have to use a myriad of styling tools on them. The groomers use all the ones you see at the salons: hairdryers, hairspray, brushes, combs, fancy foot baths, even eye shadow. And oh so many hair clips and hair ties. Here you see a fine fellah rockin’ some sweet blue ones.

Here’s an afgan wearing a snood. The afgan’s ears are long and covered with hair, and you don’t want that dragging on the ground and in their food bowl, do you? No, you don’t. So many dogs with ears like that are seen wearing what appears to be festively-colored granny-panties on their head.

This one is blurry, but I couldn’t not include it. This dog has his ears wrapped, I don’t know why. I’m sure they have a good reason. It does make the dog look really silly, like a highly displeased Pippy Longstocking. I giggled when I saw him.

This dog is getting a foot bath. I guess his feet were shmutzy. I just loved how he looked like he had been on a coffee and cigarettes bender for a week.

This is a sheepdog wearing socks. Please note how fluffy the dog is, and then look at the socks and realize how skinny he actually is under all that fluffitude. The handler was helpful in telling me that this was the back end of the dog (sometimes it is hard to tell).

And this is the front.

I loved this dog solely because he reminded me of Stains.

Here is a picture of the nicest German shepherd you ever could meet. It liked to hop up on its back legs, put its front legs on its owner’s shoulders, and give her kisses all over her face. Awwwww.

These is my most favorite dog breed in the whole world, the Borzoi. Borzois are also known as Russian Wolfhounds. They have been used in art and paintings for centuries because they’re so elegant and lithe.

Here is a male and female borzoi hangin’ out, being photogenic unintentionally. Even when they’re not trying to be pretty, they are.

And here’s a female borzoi laying on the ground, having a meaningful discussion with my mother. I think I’m going to have this framed for her.

Posted in Beastiesbeastiesbeasties, New York, Random Art Bloggery, Stuff | 2 Comments »

Darth Vader and pretty graphic design.

February 12th, 2010

Upon arriving to work the other day, I was greeted by the Imperial March blaring from gigantor speakers outside my office. When I leaned out a window to see what was going on, I was greeted by this sight:

Yeah, so Foot Locker is coming out with Star Wars-themed shoes. This is to bring awareness of the shoes to the public. Following the “standing there” portion of the morning, Darth and the storm troopers decided it would a good idea to weave through midtown traffic. I don’t know, Darth Vader looks considerably less imposing when trotting past a Sunglass Hut. Note there are very few storm troopers behind them because they cannot navigate around the cabs. It was a weird morning.

But on a totally different note, I designed something purty! Most of the work I do here is not particularly creative, but every once in a while I get to bust out my artsy chops and bring the illustrating hammer down. Which I did this week. There was a request for graphics representing “growth”, “new talent”, “leadership”, and “regional offices”. And they liked what I did, so the illustrations made it into the book we produced.

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Marian Bantjes.

February 10th, 2010

I first saw Marian’s work when I was working at BBDO. On my way from Grand Central Terminal, I often walked past Saks Fifth Avenue. One day, I noticed that their window displays had stellar vinyl lettering representing various elements in their stores.

Now, I check a variety of design blogs throughout my day, and luckily Marian and her phenomenal calligraphy got blogged about. I looked up her other work and became smitten. I am a huge fan of calligraphy and art nouveau, and Marian has an appreciation for letter arts and a fluidity of line that is, well, perfect, really. I’ve seen a bunch of people imitate her, and I can always pick them out. They’re just not quite on her level. She’s the best.

And charts… you all know how I feel about a well-designed chart, right? (quick answer: I freakin’ love them.) She designed maybe the greatest chart ever. I have no idea what it’s for, but if I could ever get my hands on a print of it, I would be ecstatic. Perhaps I would even swoon and be in dire need of a fainting couch. That’s how much I love this chart.

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I saw two movies! Two VERY different movies.

February 2nd, 2010

I’ve been getting a heaping pile of culture lately. I’ve seen a few movies, plus the play God of Carnage (with Jimmy Smits! And Annie Potts! And two other people who were also excellent, but who’s names don’t do the same rhythmic thing) and Avenue Q again (still one of the bestest musicals ever, especially if you grew up with Sesame Street as a child). One movie I saw is called Intimacy, and it is, well, very European. I’ve always said the French truly know how to make sex look terrible, and here they succeed with flying colors. The film, directed by Patrice Chereau, is about a guy who looks like a woeful elf (Mark Rylance) and has left his wife and family and lives in the crappiest house in London (I could smell it through the television, and it smelled like mold spores and old books and sour milk) and there’s this woman who looks like a normal Plain Jane housewife (Kerry Fox) and she comes over every Wednesday and they go at like raccoons in your backyard next to your trash bin. There are no words exchanged, we don’t know how they met, they just pant and claw at each other and bump their pale bony British uglies and she leaves. He develops an interest in knowing stuff about her (like, I don’t know, HER NAME), so one day, he follows her and he learns about her husband and her kid and blah blah. In the end, because he knows about her life and develops feelings for her, they can no longer rut like pigs and their relationship dissolves. Here’s the deal: the movie (which is actually very good, but only if you like long depressing discussions about the emptiness and loneliness of life, which I don’t) got a great deal of press because the actors pretty much have real actual sex. And it is so not sexy. I would actually prefer to watch raccoons mating beside your trash bins. I definitely much rather watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6A7uFSbRJ5w

This was the kind of movie I watched a great deal of in college and then had to write papers about. Now that I am not in college and not forced to do that, I try to avoid films like this like the plague. So I saw another film that I liked very much, and that was:

Monsters vs. Aliens!

Yeah, I’ve come a long way since college. I didn’t have very high hopes for M vs. A, but the voice-over actors were all ones I like (Reese Witherspoon, Paul Rudd, Hugh Laurie, Rainn Wilson, Stephen Colbert, Will Arnett), and the plot, while not really super-fleshed-out, was believable and it was a good time. There are monsters, kept by the government in a secret prison! But then there’s aliens, bent on attacking the earth and taking it over! So the government releases the monsters, and they fight the aliens! It’s made by a not-Pixar movie studio and it’s no Pixar film, but not every animated film has to be. Sometimes they can just be fun and funny. So if you have a choice, avoid the sad gray intercourse and go with the brightly-colored animated characters.

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Gibbon and Sedlec. Like Simon and Garfunkel, or Hall and Oates.

January 29th, 2010

Since nothing interesting is going on in my life right now except work, work and more work (with some work on the side), I figured I’d show you a video that has captured my interest right now. It’s of a baby gibbon who sounds like a cross between a songbird and R2D2. First of all, the gibbon is all kinds of creepy-looking, with extra-long fingers and spooky, wide-open eyes. And then it makes the beeping squeaking noises. I can’t get enough of this video for some reason.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_BvkVvOvEs

Also, I just booked tickets to go to Prague and Budapest at the end of March. Mainly Prague, but I’ll be hittin’ up Budapest for a couple of days, which will be a cool additional bit on my trip. I’ve wanted to go to the Sedlec Ossuary located right outside Prague for about fifteen years, and now finally I’m going to get my chance. Decorating with the local dead people, how can I not? I mean. really.