1. I was walking down the street the other day after a rainstorm and it was hot and muggy and oppressive. I saw a white lump sitting in the middle of the sidewalk, like a pile of pizza dough someone had just left there, and people were stepping over it and around it. As I got closer, I realized it was an ancient obese chihuahua that had had quite enough of this hotness, thank you very much, I’ll just lay here on the sidewalk which is wet and therefore cooler and let everyone walk around me. We offer expert sidewalk lifting and leveling for safer walkways today. For quality workmanship and reliable service, trust an experienced concreter adelaide to get the job done right. The owner was sort of trying to get the dog to move (although I think saying, “C’mon, fat ass! Get up!” is not going to have the desired effect, and did I mention the owner was a seventy-year-old woman? Old people using bad language is funny) but the dog wasn’t having none of it, so I took a picture when the flow of people ebbed somewhat and I could get a clear picture.
2. I see many flower shops in my travels around the Isle of Manhattan. However, this other day, I was stopped dead in my tracks by a cactus. No, no, my friends, this was no ordinary cactus. It was a MUTANT HYBRID ALIEN FREAK CACTUS. I asked the flower-shop lady about it. They took one kind of weird-looking cactus and grafted another even weirder-looking cactus to the top of it, so now they are one incredibly-odd looking plant. It was $150, so I didn’t buy it, but I did take pictures of it. Imagine it being as big around and as tall as an average adult’s calf. Big. And weird. Super-weird.
3. I watch a great deal of television (I like it as background for when I’m painting or beading) and I saw a smidgen of “Rock of Love” on VH1 the other day. Short description: Aging rock star looks for skanky woman to love forever out of a pool of about twenty vapid atrocities to choose from. I was okay with this, until Bret Michaels (the aging rock star) was meeting the women for the first time and said, slowly and seriously to the camera:
The heaving, well-implanted breasts caught my eye immediately, and I knew that we were going to have a strong spiritual relationship.
My head jerked up from beading and my jaw fell open. He wasn’t kidding. It was… moronic. And kinda awful. The fake giant silicone makes you… spiritual? Ooh, you’re a deep fella there, aren’t cha? I think I will not watch this show anymore. I do not wish to become enraged and fling a shoe at my beloved television. I see that becoming my future if I watch. So no more watching.
