Archive for the ‘Advertising’ Category

A new purse, finally. And other things.

Tuesday, October 9th, 2012

The last time I painted a purse was over a year ago and since I was working on many other projects I never got around to making a new one and the jelly one was decomposing like a mummy in a horror film. This one:

The metal tab things had ripped off and I had spilled all kinds of delicious foods on it and the strap was totally frayed, etc. The time had come, and gone, and circled back around again, and I couldn’t keep carrying it because my lip gloss kept falling out of the holes. They discontinued this particular style purse, but before they did I bought the last fifty the factory had. Alas, about ten are gray, but the rest are this appalling Pepto pink. So now I have a stack of revolting pink purses in my closet. I took one and dyed it so it was a grayish lavender. Then I drew a horned beetle on it and used Pantone markers to give the impression of a shadow in rich blues. It looks adorbs.

Two other things: there’s this thing in fashion in the last few years where you rip t-shirts in intricate patterns and then you tie up the shreds with complex knots. It looks a bit like the lanyard bracelets you made at summer camp. I was pretty meh about the whole thing until I was walking through Times Square the other day and this chick had this neat skull ripped in the back of her shirt. That was pretty cool.

The third thing: Publicis New York merged with another agency, Kaplan Thaler Group and now it’s Publicis Kaplan Thaler. In 2013 we will be joining up in a building on Broadway and 52nd, and recently I went there. It’s a nice enough office building, but something in the elevator bay is going to bother me each and every day when I work there.

Uuuugh all the letters are mashed together and then there’s that giant gap why why??? It’s so crappy. One late night I may snap and go out there with an X-acto knife and handle my business (and get fired, but at least the letter spacing will be corrected).

Random stuff n’ things.

Thursday, August 9th, 2012

1. I am so sick of sewing. I’ve been sewing this damned costume since November and I am totally running out of steam. I didn’t graduate with a degree in Costume Arts for a reason! Luckily, Burning Man is at the end of this month so that will be the end of that. I miss drawing stuff. I haven’t been able to draw anything since I started this project. It will be nice to get back to that. I want to make a portrait of a jumping spider and I have a co-worker with a cool last name that sounds like a dinosaur, so I want to make a drawing of her as a dinosaur. Being my friend has its benefits (like dinosaur drawings of yourself).

2. The security guard at my job told me that if you mix Cherry Pepsi with the new Marshmallow Smirnoff Vodka, it makes a drink that tastes exactly like birthday cake. If I drank soda or vodka, that would be useful to me, but I do not. However, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t share that vital information with you. Also, the IT guy says if you put a small amount of good-quality balsamic vinegar into Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, it tastes delicious, but more importantly, the drink has a sassy name (The Hipster Douche). What I have learned from this: the people I work with drink weird things.

3. I’m watching the Olympics like a crazy person. Cricket finds it endlessly amusing that I, the least sports-oriented human being ever, am obsessed with an entirely sports-related thing, but I think I figured out why I like it so much. I like to watch people who are the best at something do that thing. Everyone there works very, very hard and is very, very good at this thing, and I like to see them do that thing even if that thing is, in my opinion, kind of stupid (“I’m going to jump over this stick better than anyone’s ever jumped over this stick before!”).

4. In a related Olympics note, did you know that the divers who are jumping from a great height hit the water with their hands flat against the water, as opposed to pointing them as you would expect? That’s so their hands punch a hole for their bodies to go through which minimizes splash. Huh. Good to know.

5. Movies I Have Seen Lately:

Black Swan. What the hell was that? No, seriously. That chick needed a sandwich and a anti-anxiety drug regimen STAT. Also, fun fact, almost that entire movie was filmed at my college, SUNY Purchase, in the theaters and the cement tunnels that connect them. When she’s in the dressing rooms and the utterly depressing cement tunnels? I lived in there like a star-nosed mole rat for four years. Four years, people! Two fun stories about my college-theater experience there. One winter day I went into the tunnels and before the sun had risen. I came out later after the sun had gone down. People talked about the day and I had no knowledge of this “day” everyone had spoken about. The tunnels are like a casino. There’s no windows. Time becomes a foreign concept. The other story is when we all went into the theater before the sun had risen and we came out around 2:00 in the afternoon when the sun was a-shinin’. We reacted like vampires (hissing, covering our faces) and someone said, “The gods are angry, they have set the moon on fire!” To this day, I use that phrase. Use it yourself, it’s very handy.

Cedar Rapids. I really liked this movie. It’s a small-budget film, and it has a sweet small-budget vibe. I did not care for The Hangover and I don’t watch The Office, so this was my first real exposure to Ed Helms and I loved him. He’s a great actor and apparently a great banjo player, so that’s nice.

Bridesmaids. I truly, truly hate bodily function jokes in movies, so that one scene was rough for me. A lot of pooping, a lot of barfing.  But other than that, I liked it a great deal. I have always loved Kristen Wiig, and not just because she has two “i”s in her name. She is a hoot. The airplane scene hit home for me. I have also taken medication to fly, and it has also worked out not-so-well for me. I wasn’t escorted off the plane in Wyoming or anything, but I probably made some enemies for life. It also looked like the actors were having a great time, which is always a pleasure to see.

Who’s got two thumbs and a birthday today? J.K. Rowling! (And me.)

Tuesday, July 31st, 2012

Howdy! I’m thirty-five today! Thirty-five. It feels like only yesterday I was thirty-four.  My co-workers and I are going to go out tonight and, since we work in Koreatown, yell classic songs into microphones. I anticipate Olympic-quality loudness. If you notice that the seagulls in Atlantic City are missing, it is probably because they are being called like the sailors in The Odyssey to the siren-like sounds of our voices. I will try to take pictures.

In the meantime, a war has been going on at my office. It has been tense and filled with drama. It is… The Post-It War.

Here’s how it started. The people one floor below us put this up in their window.

And then this appeared on the windows directly beneath us.

My co-worker was like, “You think you’re better than us? Well, check this out.” So now our window looks like this.

The others weakly retaliated with this, but they knew who had won.

The Great Post-It War of 2012 has cooled for now, but at any time Donkey Kong or Q-Bert or one of the cool pipe Venus Flytrap thingies might make an appearance, and then it’s right back on again. Blood again shall be spilled! (In the form of papercuts)

Finally, it occurred to me that this month is also the fifth anniversary of this blog. I want to say thank you to whoever comes here and I look forward to another five years. It’s been delightful. I never knew I liked writing, but I really do. I hope you like reading it.

Addendum: Also happening at work this week, the prop closet was cleaned out. That’s where stuff goes after photo shoots and commercial shoots. Wigs and mustaches were found. Therefore, several women on the 11th floor rocked this look all day:

Prometheus. But not really.

Monday, June 11th, 2012

I saw Prometheus this weekend and I thought it kinda sucked, which made me sad because I really wanted to like it. I imagine tons of people will love it, so I will sadly sit in the corner all alone not liking it. I have two theories: either there are big weird plot holes and no one cares but me, or I am obtuse like a rock and I cannot appreciate subtle nuances and not-spelled-out twists in this movie. Either one is acceptable. But, more importantly, there was a three-sided advert in the lobby for a movie that sounded so profoundly saccharine and fake that if it had been in a book we would have written it off as total fake horsepoop and yelled at the author for fabricating such garbage. But it’s real and it’s coming to theaters near you.

The description of the film is the part that blew my mind. Even if I had meningitis and my brain was pressing against my skull I couldn’t write this crap. Seriously. Read this out loud to someone and watch their facial expressions.

Over the mountains, beyond the sea, is the loveliest place there ever could be. It’s in this wonderfilled™ land of Lovelyloveville that our BIG interactive adventure begins. Meet Goobie, Zoozie and Toofie, the Oogieloves, as we set out to find Lovelyloveville’s last five magical balloons in time for our dear friend Schluufy’s surprise birthday party. Shhh!!! It’s a secret!!! As we all search for the golden balloons throughout Fun Forest and over Great Grass Lake, together we meet colorful new friends along the way, including a comically rose-obsessed diva (Toni Braxton), a grandmother with a hysterical passion for polka dots (Cloris Leachman), an Elvisesque diner owner and his milkshake-making cow (Chazz Palminteri), a cowboy who grows bubbles in the back of his truck (Cary Elwes), and a couple of enthusiastic dancers who live in a giant hovercraft shaped sombrero (Christopher Lloyd and Jaime Pressly). With the help of old friends and new, can we along with the Oogieloves, find the balloons in time for what could be Lovelyloveville’s most sensational party ever? In a world of endless possibilities, The Oogieloves in The BIG Balloon Adventure just might be the most extraordinary and joyous adventure of all time.

Lovelyloveville? Was this script written by a first-grade girl? Because if it was, it’s fantastic. If it was written by adults, however, they should go drown themselves in Great Grass Lake immediately. Jim Henson is rolling over in his grave. Shame on you.

Addendum: Here’s why I didn’t like Prometheus in four minutes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?&v=-x1YuvUQFJ0

More Alien movie. Oh, you thought I was done? You was WRONG.

Wednesday, May 30th, 2012

Sorry for not blogging in a while, a bunch of stuff has been going down which impeded my ability to share the daily detritus of my life. Did everyone have a nice Memorial Day Weekend? I did not go to a beach. I at no point attempted to tan. I did, however, work on my Burning Man costume and I will have pictures of cool elements shortly. First, here’s a festive bit of spam I received recently. I don’t get much spam nowadays since I installed a filter-thingie, but dribs and drabs get through. This one caught my eye.

It’s the usual collection of words that are unrelated but it ends with the sale of tinfoil hats. Where are they selling them? It seems like such an odd thing to reference. Perhaps the Russian computer dork in the dark basement concocting this spam had recently watched the Mel Gibson classic Signs, which features tinfoil hats rather prominently, who knows? One can only guess.

Back to Alien(s)(3)(Resurrection). Snorth came over on Monday to hang out and we went to Barnes and Noble, where she purchased Aliens (that’s the second one) and Alien Resurrection (that’s the fourth one, they didn’t have the third one in stock). And we watched them. And now I have seen them. I grow weary of the dark, Geiger-inspired hoohah that I have now seen for five hours. I have a couple of thoughts:

  • ENOUGH ALREADY WITH THE DRIPPING AND THE WETNESS AND THE DROOLING. What the hell is the alien related to, a bull mastiff? I developed a moisture-related rash while watching.
  • I had the same problem with 1 and 2 that I had with Dark Knight, specifically it is very dark and when there is conflict and the camera is zipping all over I cannot tell who is fighting whom or what.
  • I don’t know if this is sacrilege or not, but I liked Resurrection best. It was directed by the same guy who directed Delicatessen which is one of my top four movies of all time, and his style was clearly present throughout this film. That made me happy. Also, it was a substantially brighter film, so I could see everything that happened, which was nice. Let me be clear, though. I thought it was good up until the humany-alien ripped its way out of the queen’s womb and then the movie got über-stupid. I did like the humany-alien’s death a bunch. Ripley breaks a window in space and y’all know how nature abhors a vacuum so the humany-alien sticks back-first to the window hole where he receives the most violent hickey of all time, courtesy of outer space. He looks like a sex doll deflating. The most revolting sex doll ever.
  • The aliens have yellow glorpy acid blood and sometimes when they get shot with high-caliber bullets or grenades they explode like fruit. Now, Publicis (the company I work for) made a series of web commercials for Pepto Bismol celebrating Cinco de Mayo which I will link to here, and I totally thought that the aliens going boom looked nearly identical to the pinatas filled with nacho cheese, which kind of ruined the magic a wee bit. It also made me want nachos. http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xigklq_pepto-bismol-pinata-smash-with-brick_fun
  • Ugh, I really hate Bill Paxton. He’s that guy in high school that I would like to not be near ever. I rejoiced in his death by alien.
  • You know how the alien has the second mouth inside of its main mouth? That always reminds me of those fish that keep their babies safe in their mouth. It definitely softens the scariness. As do the silver teeth, which make me think of rapper’s grills, which makes me think of Lil Jon, which makes me think of Dave Chappelle’s impression of Lil Jon, which makes me lose my focus and then someone is killed by the alien and I don’t know who and then I’m frustrated. Here’s the impression I’m referencing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUfiqhDY_8s

I met a famous person and made him uncomfortable with my love! Also, charts.

Tuesday, May 1st, 2012

Michael Waltrip came to the office to talk to us about various sponsorships and whatnot. It’s okay if you don’t know who he is, I had no idea myself. He is a NASCAR driver who has won the Daytona 500 twice.

Michael was a delightful man – Southern, charming, tan, tall. I became smitten. So afterwards he stuck around and was signing all kinds of things and I got in line. When I got to the front of the line he reached out to sign something and I said, “No no, we’re gonna hug now,” and I did. Michael was okay with it. Kind of.

I love to hug people, but I know many people hate it, so in order to make it less traumatizing I usually announce it. It doesn’t seem to help. Saying, “I’M GOING TO HUG YOU NOW,” and then wrapping your arms around people doesn’t put them at ease for some reason. Are you familiar with the comic strip Get Fuzzy? There’s a character that I identify with greatly.

I have accrued a plethora of charts that I must share with you. And please try to imagine me hugging you while you look at these.

Designin’ for a livin’.

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

While I devote almost all my free time to my Burning Man costume, I am still gainfully employed in the advertising and still do freelance work on the side. Someone asked me why I work so much, and I sent them this image. While I do not knit, it still answers the question.

And work is not always work. Publicis recently competed in an inter-agency dodgeball tournament, where I went as a cheerleader (or “athletic supporter”). I made a truly offensive sign and with my co-worker Foxxx we sat there and cheered for our team. Team Dodgy Style. Really. Warning: Totally classless.

But in actual work-related stuff, I finished the Publicis History Timeline that I started about a year ago. I had to do a ton a research because no one had any pictures or anything, but I really enjoyed the quest. And it all gave me an opportunity to stretch my designing muscles because I was given complete free rein. I came up with all the little curlycue bits on the text boxes and all the graphic elements, everything. It was a blast. Here’s the full timeline, followed by several noteworthy chunks for deeper perusing.

Also, I love it when nothing goes to waste. A while back I made a vector illustration of a variety of buildings and signs (and one ambulance) in Chappaqua for my side work, NewCastleNow.org, the local newspaper. It wasn’t a hit and I was a bit forlorn because I had spent a lot of time on it. But sho’nuff, it has resurfaced in this page header and everyone thinks it great so that makes me happy.

And finally, there might be another type of timeline similar to the one above and they wanted it to be very contemporary-looking so I designed my first number set for the 1920s, 1930s,… 2000s, 2010s, etc. part. It’s harder than it looks but I think it turned out really cool. I like that each number/letter will have a unique color pattern.

Several HIGHLY unrelated things.

Wednesday, January 11th, 2012

1. I watched “Intervention” on Monday and it was the usual. “My name is Brooke / Steve / Vanessa and I am addicted to meth / Oxy / huffing Febreze / whatever.” Followed by them getting rehab in thailand. If you’re wondering how rehab facilities can change you, then you may check out some client success stories here. The super-bummed-out family tells how he / she was a precious little angel as a child. One of them inevitably says, “Always smiling, always happy.” The drug enthusiast who is the focus of this particular episode makes a comment about how they don’t know how they’re going to go on like this, and if they’re on an opiate they doze off while they say it. Cut to commercial. It’s the same every time. But something stood out for me on this week. The chick was addicted to black tar heroin and had been for five years, since she was sixteen. I was impressed with her. She was practically an advertisement for the stuff. She looked great (aside from the slurring of the words and the small weird bumps on parts of her arms from injecting in one place too much) and her description of how heroin feels, mmmm, it sounds delicious. Something about warm honey flowing through your veins – I wanted to whip out anything that could be construed as a tourniquet right then. (Relax, I am not going to start dancing with Mr. Brownstone. Everyone stay calm.) But that’s not the thing that stood out. At one point, they talked about how she’s homeless and sleeping on the street with her boyfriend, and then they showed her wearing a white shirt. A white shirt that is white. Following that they showed her shooting up in the white shirt, which remains white. I wear predominantly black because of a variety of reasons, but one of the main ones is that I find it damn near impossible to not stain my clothes with soy sauce or any other food I might place in my mouth. It will, guaranteed, end up on my boobal area. So I am to understand that a homeless heroin addict who is making pinholes in herself that then cause her blood to leak out is more capable of keeping her clothes clean than me? Because that’s what I’m taking away from this. And gosh darn it, if that don’t make you feel bad about yourself, I don’t know what will. Interestingly, there has been a rise in UK residents choosing recovery overseas, drawn by the appeal of personalized care and peaceful environments for healing.

2. Eels! Specifically moray eels. They give me the heebie-jeebies because their mouths extend too far back, or maybe their eyes are too far forward and close to their nose, one of the two. I was watching a special on them recently and thought they had reached maximum creepitude but I was incorrect. Scientists were wondering how the moray eel pulled its food into its mouth and throat, and through careful scientific study it was discovered that the eels have a second set of jaws that pop out, grab the food and drag it inside which, I don’t know about you, is one of the most horrifying things I have ever heard. Want to see some video of it? Think carefully before you answer that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rv2DkzOPBXw

Guhhhhhhhhh.

3. In honor of ten years of dating, I forced Cricket to express his love for me through a sparkly object I can wear on my hand. I love this ring. It’s big, it’s old, the stone is an antique cut, it’s platinum, and it’s got rubies (my birthstone) all around the edge set in gold. The first few weeks I had it I couldn’t stop looking at it, so my co-workers nicknamed me Gollum. And when we moved to our new offices this last week, A small Gollum figurine managed to make its way onto my desk. I took a picture of my ring with Gollum holding it. It just seemed right.

A typical day for me.

Monday, December 12th, 2011

Someone recently asked me what my typical work day was like. I thought that was an interesting question and I would go about answering it the best I could. I have some days (very few) when there’s little to do, and some days (way too many) when I just slog though piles of work for thirteen hours straight. I’m giving an example where I have some work to do, but it’s not consuming my every waking moment. Enjoy.

9:52 a.m. – Show up at work. Make enormous vessel of herb tea. Meet up with co-workers (there are five of them) to discuss previous evening’s activities. Consider laying down on disgusting never-washed carpet and going back to sleep.

10:07 a.m. – Read emails. Answer work emails. Divvy up work between me and my co-workers. Børkke walks in to office to have meeting about daily work tasks. She has composed a new song about cheese.

10:07 a.m. -10:11 a.m. – Listen to horrible Michael McDonald-style song about cheese.

10:12 a.m. – Discuss what everyone’s going to have for lunch.

10:14 a.m. – 1:43 p.m. – Design a Keynote presentation, or a brochure, or an email signature, or a headsheet for a meeting, or a letterhead, or photoshop some images. Listen to unch-unch-unch dance music the whole time while wearing big floofy earphones. Refill giant tea mug twice. Go tinkle forty-seven thousand times because of it.

1:44 p.m.-2:03 p.m. – Actually eat some real-person food. During that time, check myriad of websites like Buzzfeed. Snort-laugh repeatedly at videos while wearing earphones so no one knows why you’re laughing. Reinforce pre-conceived notions that you’re mentally unbalanced.

2:04 p.m. – Have important office meeting. End up coming up with dance moves for The Cheese Song.

2:05 p.m. – Figure out with co-workers how we’re going to deal with the enormous soul-crushing project happening the next week. Make mental note to see friends and do laundry this week, because next week I will be so strapped for time that I will be unable to find time to shower. Consider laying down on too-small uncomfortable couch and going back to sleep.

2:09 p.m.-6:04 p.m. – Continue working on the Keynotes or brochure or email signature, etc. More tea. More bathroom. At some point inflict a video of a bunny/kitty/owl on co-workers. Co-workers feign interest while you make squeaky noises and threaten to pet subject of video to death a la Lenny from Of Mice And Men. BECAUSE YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH.

6:30ish p.m.-7:15ish p.m. – Put on coat and head out for hour-and-a-half commute home.

Peppered throughout the day: “Your mom” as responses to almost all questions, and “That’s what she/he/your mom said” as responses to all other statements. Also, cram as many racist/religious/sexist comments into your day as possible. Compete with co-workers to see who can say the most offensive thing. Hope HR never visits.

Photo of Børkke and me working late one night:

Addendum: Picture of my whole department at the Holiday Party.

Advertising is totally heading in the right direction.

Friday, November 11th, 2011

I work in advertising, so I really should be on board with the tactics and manipulations of a product’s perception that my agency (and all the other agencies) do. However, when I see advertising, I want to know the product you’re selling, what it does, and how much it costs. That’s it. I don’t want to have this ephemeral mist of words and images trying to create a mood. I hate car commercials where a deep-voiced man talks about performance while they show a corner of a vehicle like a tail light, and the the speedometer and then the Cadillac logo and that’s it. That tells me absolutely nothing about the car. I think a great many people are agreeing with me and so there is a backlash against woo-woo artsy commercials and more sensible, straight-forward advertising. This week I was thrilled to see this banner ad:

And then I read about this commercial for the movie The Immortals. From what I understand, this is a real commercial and not a fan dub. If this is true, then that’s perfect. I was on the fence about this, but I’m going to see this film now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kGCCJQGj94&