1. I have been getting a great deal of positive feedback on my new purse with the bird and the branches on it, so I think I’m going to make a few to sell. Look for them in the coming weeks. Reminder: it looks like this:
2. You know you’re a word nerd when you see this poster, and not only do you not gloss over it, but you want to print it out and hang it on the wall for reference.
3. More infographics! Hooray! I love a good infographic.
Y’all familiar with T.G.I. Friday’s and the wearing of the flair on the suspenders? If not, go rent the movie Office Space right now. You can also order anti-fatigue mats online to install in the office space. Are you back? Good. Okay, Facebook has an app with a gazillion and one little flair pins you can put on your page and I am addicted right now. Here’s mine:
I recommend everyone go out and make one right now, because they are a hoot.
1. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. I like them very much. However, my mother, who was brought up on fine Belgian chocolates, was horrified the time I made her eat one. “The chocolate is SALTY!” she said, appalled.
2. A cutie-patootie wild bunny shaking his little paws off before he goes through his little bunny face-washing routine. It looks like he’s clapping. Yay bunny!
3. “Step aside and let the man go through.” Soul Coughing lyrics. The band has dissolved, much to my dismay, but I listened to them a ton in college. Aside from being great, they made me feel edgy and kind of hip. Which anyone who knows me knows I am NOT.
4. Patton Oswalt’s cover to his album Werewolves and Lollipops. He’s my most favorite comedian in the whole wide world. I darest not quote my most favoritest bits for you because they are filthy, but trust me, he’s terrif.
5. Best Week Ever. A show on VH1. I think it might be cancelled (more dismay), but maybe not. The website is still alive and kickin’. http://www.bestweekever.tv/
6. Scrubs. 1/2 hour sitcom. Eight seasons. Now over. I still watch the reruns religiously.
7. A hamster attempting to shove an entire baby carrot in his mouth. And failing. But not at being cute!
8. Sweeney Todd. I freakin’ love this musical. It’s not really a musical, since they sing almost the whole time, making it more of an opera. See the Broadway taping for the real Broadway version, or see the Johnny Depp version for an excellent movie interpretation.
9. Epic Fail. A website of FAIL. Experience the FAIL: http://failblog.org/
10. A disgruntled cat wearing a wig made from a grapefruit or a pomelo. I don’t really feel I have to explain this one.
11. I seem to have decided 11 is not a number I feel like using. Instead of rebuilding this whole chart again, we’re going to pretend that this never happened.
12. House. My favorite primetime show right now. It’s the only show I actively look forward to. Yes, yes, I know the medical stuff is a big load of malarky, but the dialogue is so clever, how can I resist?
13. I Can Haz Cheezburger? A website I have mentioned on many an occasion. Cats. With misspelled anthropomorphic quotes under them. http://icanhascheezburger.com/
14. Wicked. Another great Broadway show. I got teary-eyed and goosebumps during that show, and I am cold and dead inside, so that takes work. The sets were good, the songs were good, the acting was good, the costumes were good, everything kicked butt.
15. Pepe the King Prawn. He’s my favorite Muppet, which is unusual, since he was created long after the glory days of Jim Henson and Frank Oz, and I tend to be an old-school Muppet fan. But when I saw Muppets from Space, I was sold. He makes that movie.
16. An amigurumi dinosaur. I heart crocheted little figures.
17. Manhattan at night with a view of the Empire State Building. I love New York and I work right next to the Empire State Building, so it seemed like a great choice.
18. Firefly. Oh, I’m still bitter about this. A REALLY FREAKIN’ EXCELLENT TV SHOW that was CANCELLED AFTER ONE SEASON because PEOPLE SUCK. Bitter bitter bitter.
19. “I speak whale!” A quote from Finding Nemo. This is my favorite Pixar film, and when Dori (this character, voiced by Ellen Degeneres) says this, the part where I laughed so hard I started wheezing came shortly after (it’s when she attempts to speak whale).
20. Ugly Dolls. The first real indie softie/plushies to hit the market recently and take off like wildfire. You can find them at the Ricky’s makeup store, as well as a ton of other places. My favorite is Icebat.
21. “Just bead it.” I like beads. I like the Cooper font. I like Michael Jackson’s music. It all came together.
22. Anthropomorphized onigiri. Onigiri are Japanese rice balls, covered with seaweed and often containing delightful treats, like spicy cod roe or pickled plums. They are deee-licious.
23. Dirty Jobs. I love this show. I love Mike Rowe. I especially love that Smell-O-Vision has never been installed on my television, because New York streets covered with garbage in the summer are bad enough, I don’t think I could handle the funky stankiness Mike Rowe brings to us. And sometimes Mike Rowe takes off his shirt, and then we all win!
24. The cover of The Darkness album. I… really don’t know how to describe this band, or how much I adore their music, so I’ll just link to their mildly famous video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRYNYb30nxU
25. Delicatessen. My favorite foreign film. It’s by the same guys who did Amelie. It’s weird and dark, but exquisitely executed. A great many people like their second film The City of Lost Children better, but I like this one bestest.
26. Avenue Q. I think this is a super-swell musical. The puppeteering is excellent, and the tender moments are actually tender. And all the songs are phenomenal.
27. A neat-o pattern with lots of color and owls. Very 1960s. If I could find it in a fabric pattern, I would totally cover my computer chair with it.
28. “I’d verb her noun.” Oh dear. I say this kind of thing all the time. I was once in the office and the accountant came up to me and said, “We need to overlay these purchase orders,” and I said, “I’d like to overlay your purchase orders! Whoo hoo baby!” It was an awkward moment.
29. Best Week Ever. I think they have a great logo, so I put on my board twice in two iterations.
30. Oooh, a bunny stealing a cookie. Naughty bunny! But very cute.
31. The famous “I heart NY” logo, but with pigeons pooping on it. I love the logo and I love pigeons. It’s like two great tastes that taste great together! But with bird poop.
32. THE SCARIEST CAPPUCCINO ART EVER. I still get chills when I look at that foam demon.
33. Opus the Penguin from Bloom County. He has captured the essence of pathos for me. Also, I share all his physical attributes, so I feel a tenderness towards him.
34. Awww, cute little bebbeh ducky. It’s fuzzy and it quacks!
35. Stains the Dog from The Soup. The Soup is a show in the E! network which recaps the best in crappy TV for the week so you don’t have to watch it yourself (thank you, The Soup). I will link to the video of Stains: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TyJ6tSPBck
36. House again. I love that show. Can’t get enough. Clearly, since I have two buttons.
37. HypnoToad. This a character from Futurama. He’s a toad that has the powers of mind control, and for some reason every time he’s on screen I crack up. See for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiVYjRbZMe0
38. “Praise Jebus!” The fact that Homer Simpson can’t or won’t say Jesus amuses me no end.
39. Mika’s album cover. Mika is a really swell singer, a combination of Freddy Mercury, Prince, Michael Jackson and a few others. He’s worth checking out.
40. Chocolate chip cookie. Enough said.
41. Assassins. Maybe my favorite Broadway show. It came out originally during the reign of Bush the Elder and since it’s about people who tried (and the four who succeeded) in assassinating American presidents, Bush, Sr. had it shut down after only 12 performances. If he had seen it, he would have realized that the show’s message is, “If you kill a president, nothing really changes. You don’t become a hero. The country goes on as it was.” Luckily, the show was brought back recently and I got to see it three times. So worth it.
42. Another Soul Coughing pin. Great logo.
43. XKCD. It’s a web comic. Very clever, very science-oriented. This particular comic referenced in this pin is a chart explaining that the closer you get to a cat, the dumber the stuff that comes out of your mouth. Ergo, standing in front of a cat saying, “You’re a kitty!”
44. “Peanut Butter Jelly Time!” Internet meme. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3ZAGBL6UBA Family Guy did a thing on it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_1rSm2MDM4
45. “I can’t hear you over the sound of my awesomeness.” I think that’s fairly self-explanatory as well.
46. Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog. If you haven’t seen it, go see it now. NOW. http://www.hulu.com/watch/28343/dr-horribles-sing-along-blog
47. Dave Matthews Band. Oh, I love that stupid band. I know they’re a college band for stoners or whatever, but they’re great, and their new album is great.
48. Photobombing Squirrel. http://cuteoverload.com/2009/08/10/this-is-photobomb/
49. Little Miyazaki figures. I know I said I’m not talking to Miyazaki anymore, ever since the Ponyo incident, but the man does cute little Asian characters like nobody else, so I have included him. But I’m still not talking to him.
1. A website called “There, I Fixed It.” I also call it “Look, I Done Made You Sumthin’.” Some of my favorites:
2. Spoiled Photos. When people like me end up in (what should be) tasteful photos of you.
3. And finally, Loltatz. Some of the worst tattoos ever. Many of these are inappropriate for work, or home, or your eyes. Just take that into account.
Oh, it was bleak. You remember the Bloomsburg Fair I went to back in the day? That had all those amusements and cool foods, but it also had local charm like pie bake-offs and 4-H club. The Meadowlands Fair, however, had none of those nice things. It felt like very con-artist-y and ripoff-y. It was all rides and impossible-to-win shooter games and sideshows. Yes, sideshows. Don’t believe me? I took pictures.
I refused to go into the sideshow, but my friends did and they said it was very, very lame. For example, the two-headed lady? One lady stood in back of another lady and rested her chin on the front lady’s shoulder. But it wasn’t a total loss. I saw an adorable ride in the kiddy section.
Aww, a teeny ferris wheel made from little pumpkin houses. And, of course, there was the food. I learned many new and exciting things. Like KFC did not invent the “meal in a bowl” concept.
And, in keeping with every fair’s policy that food must be served on an impaling device of some sort, there was a booth with some high-class stabbed cuisine.
But the redeeming item at the fair was, without a doubt, the deep-fried dill pickles with horseradish dipping sauce. Oh. Ohh. So good. It was my first time having this delicious fried delicacy, and it was so worth it. It was like the best components of fried food with the vinegary tang of dill pickles. French fries seem so blase next to it.
This past weekend I went on my first business-related trip, to Orlando. I hear there’s some kind of amusement park there, but I wouldn’t know, because I was driven directly from the airport to the Dolphin Hotel Resort and Conference Center of Gigantitude. Seriously, it was a big big building, like the size of the entire Palisades Mall. To walk from your room to the conference area required thousands of steps to be taken. On my ride to the hotel I saw many pine trees covered with Spanish moss, some egrets, bog-type things and housing complexes. That’s it. The only way I knew I was near Disney-anything was when I saw people in the hotel wearing Mickey ear hats. Did you know there’s a variety of ear-hats? I saw someone wearing a pair that was covered in pink fluffy material and had a veil in the back, because apparently this woman was on her honeymoon or something wedding-y like that. Here’s the sad thing, though: the veil wasn’t white. It was an unpleasant shade of light yellow-brown, like it had been soaked in tea. An even more depressing possibility is the veil-n-ears were fifty years old and the lady wore it all the time, all delusional and out-of-touch. “I’m a bride today!” “Yes, yes, Grandma. We know, today you marry Pop-Pop and drive around in the turquoise convertible Chevrolet. Whatever you say.” I would like to talk to the marketing guy who thought that was a good idea. “Well, we could have a white veil, but everyone does that. Let’s make a color that looks like someone tinkled on it, that’ll really complement the faux pink fur.”
So, due to the fact that I was there for work, I saw nothing, not even the fireworks, so I can’t tell you anything about my trip that’s interesting (the hotel has carpeting! And complimentary soap! You can get room service if you want!), but in a semi-related point, I make a great many charts of various things here at my place of employment. That means I am always on the lookout for new and awesome ways to express information through charts. I’ve found a few ones on my travels through Ye Olde Internette that I will share with you now. They are from a website called Good.
And not from Good, but a personal favorite of mine:
1. As you might know, I work in the bead-and-sparkly-rhinestone district of New York. I see a ton of tacky excessive things on my walk to work (remember this image from a previous post?):
Now a new hat shop has opened on my route. I had glanced into the window briefly, but one day I took a moment to really look. And aside from seeing these (SO BAD!):
On the top shelf was a large conical straw hat covered with plastic apples and pears. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out where you would wear it. I mean, we are in the fashion district and this is something an extra would wear during the “We Welcome You To Munchkintown” song in the Wizard of Oz.
Now, most of me is like NO NO DON’T SELL THAT, SOMEONE WILL BUY IT AND WEAR IT, but part of me is I WANT TO BE THAT PERSON GIMME THE HAT. I know it’s wrong and bad, but it’s also awesome in a Carmen Miranda way. And the theatrical drama nerd in me wants to wear it while singing showtunes. Loudly. I feel dirty for even considering the possibility of the hat. Bad hat! Tempting Jessica like that.
Also, in case it doesn’t match your outfit, they have one made just with green pears.
2. The TrueBlood logo.
I love handwritten fonts and it’s nice to see someone not relying on computer-generated typefaces for everything, but it also looks like they spread out the word “true” and then realized they had not budgeted enough space for the word “blood” and the writer said, “Okay, okay, not a problem, I’ll just squoosh ‘blood’ into skeeeeny letters and everything will be fine.” Ergo the indecision.
Also, in a completely unrelated note, did you see the pictures from Tim Burton’s remake of Alice In Wonderland? They look beautiful, but everyone says the Mad Hatter is played by Johnny Depp, and I am convinced this is a picture of Elijah Wood. Look at it. It looks just like him.
Addendum: The fruity hats are gone! Either they have been sold or burned in some kind of produce-based ritual. I don’t care, I’m just glad the temptation to buy idiotic headware is gone.
People, I present to you… The Sashimi Tabernacle Choir.
Celebrities I look like:
Judah Friedlander
Things I Don’t Like That Everyone Else Seems To Like:
First, a thoughtful spammy message brought to you by the caring folks who sell prescription drugs over the internet:
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I can’t even FATHOM what this means. But for some reason, it’s really really intriguing. I can tell you, if I ever become a superhero or a Nordic warrior, I want to be Viscera the Vascular.
So, my mom told me about this poem by a French man named Jacques Prevert. She translated it for me, and it is delightful and would make a wonderful series of pieces, or a small book, or something like that. I’m going to give it more thought and try to figure out how best to illustrate it.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
The Song of the Snails Who Went to a Funeral
Two snails went off
To the funeral of an autumn leaf
Their shells were black
Crepe draped around their eye stalks
They go off in the dark
On a beautiful autumn night
Alas when they arrive
It is already springtime
The leaves that had died
Have all resuscitated
And the two snails
Are very disappointed
But here comes the sun
The sun says to them
Do take the trouble
The trouble to sit down
Have a glass of beer
If your heart so desires
Take if you please
A bus ride to Paris
You will see the country
But do not keep on mourning
I’m telling you that
It darkens the white of the eye
And makes one ugly
The stories of coffins
Are sad and not pretty
Take back your own colors
The colors of life
Then all the animals
The trees and the plants
Begin to sing
To sing out loud
The true living song
The song of summer
And everyone had a drink
And everyone got tipsy
It’s a very beautiful evening
And the two snails
Made their way home
They were very moved
Because they had had lots to drink
They staggered a wee bit
But up there in the sky
The moon watched over them.
What a great football – I totally want it:
http://www.brosmind.com/projects/50
Terrific origami fish made from money:
http://www.booooooom.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/booooooom_580_02.jpg
Phenomenal concert posters:
http://wellmedicated.com/inspiration/50-amazing-gig-posters-sure-to-inspire/
