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Burning Man 2012 Recap #4.

Sunday, September 9th, 2012

Before we look at super-great night-time stuff, let’s take a moment to appreciate the Pee Funnel Camp signage. That’s right – a camp devoted to giving out pee funnels to ladies. I saw a ton of their ads every time I used a Porta-Potty.

Also, there was one more piece of art on the Playa that I wanted to deal with specifically. It was Wall Street.

There’s Goldman Sucks, Bank of UnAmerica and a variety of other name puns. This was the only real time I had a “stop it, you hippies!” moment. People had written about their financial woes all over the walls of the buildings. Halfway into my first day I started hearing about how we were gonna burn down the Wall Street effigy, yeah!!! That’s gonna change everything!!! I could only think of this bit by Patton Oswalt.

PattonOswalt – Hippies

I didn’t want to tell the nice people that while breaking their butts constructing this faux-bank-cluster, writing angry comments in Sharpie all over the inside and then watching it go up in flames might be cathartic, in the short and long run it will change nothing. Nothing. Not to say the money problems people in this country are having are not valid or totally soul-crushing or family-destroying, they are, but this is a pointless way to go about fixing it. I tried to roll my eyes quietly so as not to offend anyone.

Okay, night-time. If there was one reason I would say to go to Burning Man, I would say go for the night-time. It’s one of the coolest and weirdest things you will ever see. First of all, a great many tents are lit up. The art is also illuminated. There are crazy amazing artcars going by at about ten miles an hour (so as not to raise too much dust), and people have stuck all kinds of lights and blinkies and glowsticks all over their bicycles and are zipping around. It’s highly social and all kinds of activities are occurring all around you. It’s magical, really. I don’t use that word too often, but it’s true. Check out this guy’s video from last year.

http://vimeo.com/28801666

The exceptionally bright green laser light is coming off of the cruise ship artcar, according to information on this site. The cruise ship was there again this year. Cricket and I marveled several times at how freakin’ bright that thing was. Here are some other people’s night shots from years past.

And here’s a sadly blurry shot of Center Camp at night.

What I find amazing about this event is how many people make really complicated things, beautiful pieces, with no other intent than just to bring joy to others. There was the spinning cubed cube.

And the grove of trees slowly shimmering in the moonlight.

And the fiberoptic fountain. You’re not supposed to bring fountains to Burning Man (I don’t know why, perhaps they use too much water or something) so someone made one using LED strips (the same kind I have on the jelly-brella) and fiberoptic thread clumps. It looked really cool.

Here’s some video I took.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I59oJeatOX4

There was a pier that had been there last year. However, last year it led to nothing, and this year it led to a half-sunken Spanish galleon. I’m intrigued to find out if they continue to add onto this piece for years to come.

The one that blew my mind was the donut. I was standing all the way on the other side of the Playa when I saw two ribbons twirling around each other and I couldn’t figure out how people were controlling the ribbons. When we finally got over there I saw that it was a donut-shaped sculpture, about 12 feet across, made from circles of LEDs. Whoever programmed them is a genius. I made some animated gifs to show you what I mean.

And, as promised, here is the gate in front of Center Camp. Here it is during the day.

It looked lovely in daylight, but here it is at night. OMG SO MANY COLORS YAYYYYY.

There were tons of different ways to spend your time. There was the rollerskating rink.

And right next door was a complete skateboarding park. A lot of people set up bars, both coffee (popular during the day) and alcohol (popular during the night). Here’s some footage of the dodgeball court.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8h6XVX3Meo

There were a bunch of rave-type dance halls. You could watch fire artists perform.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwk5KFUtqNM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C61OwUCIlGo

But the most popular of these had to be Thunderdome. You heard me right. Thunderdome. An enormous geodesic dome with people hanging all over it. You could volunteer to go inside where they hooked you up to a swing and you and another volunteer battled it out with foam swords.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXvE1lDkgKU

Here’s someone else’s footage.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=657Q2IuJD-w&

Tomorrow will be a really big post because I’ll be covering the artcars which were stupendous.

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Burning Man 2012 Recap #3.

Friday, September 7th, 2012

Art! Let’s look at some art. There was so, so very much of it. Art is incredibly subjective, so I will talk about it, but please remember it is only my point of view that I can see from. You may appreciate things differently. It’s okay. Please don’t yell at me.

My feelings on modern art have been shared on this blog before, and while I was talking to Snorth’s husband Speeb (who is so much more tolerant of modern art than I am) I said, all angry-like and crotchety and loud, “Art is fat nekkid ladies, landscapes, bowls of fruit or flowers, or Jesus. THAT’S IT.”* I think that pretty much sums up my feelings. If I cannot immediately tell it is art, then it’s not art. It’s a pile of crap with a name placard next to it. Moving on.

I made a concerted effort to see as much of the creative things one could see at Burning Man. It’s difficult because we were on foot the entire time and there are miles and miles and miles of roads to cover with a great deal of sculptural elements out on the open, but a lot of good stuff tucked away in the corners. The first morning I woke up (after sleeping in the car all crunched up like one of those Aztec mummies) stretched out, exited the vehicle and immediately started hissing at the sun. Conveniently, Cricket had brought an old bedsheet which I decided to wear the entire time I was at there. It was pathetic. I looked like I was rockin’ the lamest ghost costume ever, especially since the sheet had wee yellow flowers all over it. I take that back. I probably looked more like a homeless person who had lost her shopping cart filled with bags of cans and carpet scraps. It didn’t help that I was surrounded by thousands of pretty young things wearing no more than a g-string and a hat, and then there was me, The Moaning Potato in my sheet and my Chico’s pants and my orthopedic footwear. Whatever. Here’s a picture.

So Cricket and I headed down to Center Camp (look at map in previous post). Center Camp is BIG.

It’s a giant tent filled with all kinds of things. On one side is the coffee and ice sales, and then there are galleries scattered around, with old couches and pillows in between, and people are doing all kinds of stuff. Some are conducting little seminars on a small stage. Others are shmoozing. Some are napping. A bunch of girls were doing topless “airplanes” – you know, that thing you do with little kids, where you lie on your back with your feet straight up in the air and they pretend to fly. A man walked by playing “Careless Whisper” on a saxophone.

There was a great deal of art in there. Some of it was fantastic. Like Botticelli’s Venus made out of chicken wire.

The metal polygons were cool too.

And oh good, a painting of penises. I was worried I wouldn’t see phallus-related artwork on this trip. Thankfully there was no menses-related artwork that I could see.

Outside is something called The Gate. I thought it was a great structure and I was snapping photos from every angle. A guy came up to me and said, “Have you seen it at night? You should.” And sure enough, he was right. All I’m going to say for now is OMG RAINBOWS COLORS WHEEE.

Continuing on our art journey: after sharing a bag of Pirate Booty for breakfast (we only brought dry foods like chips and granola bars because there are no trashcans or sinks) Cricket and I headed out to the open area where the Man is.

There’s all this really cool artwork all over, and weaving in between all of them are artcars and people on bicycles. It’s utterly surreal. I tried to follow some semblance of a structure (“We’ll start over here and work our way around to here”) but we just ended up wandering around from interesting thing to interesting thing. We saw the giant Anubis:

And the geodesic onion domes:

And the egg:

And this tree:

And these two fantastic characters:

And the white spiral bone-lookin’ sculpture.

There was also the fish. Fish are a big thing at Burning Man. I saw a ton of fish represented. I think I might have actually seen four different anglerfish-themed artcars. A lot of sea creatures, a lot of reptiles/dragons, a lot of seafaring vessels.

But the piece I thought was the most striking was the lighthouse. The lighthouse was wooden, and spiral, and the driftwood at the bottom continued the spiral in the most beautiful manner. It also had Tiffany-style stained-glass windows. And it was sitting right in the middle of the desert. So stunning.

After investigating a hefty chunk of the art, we made our way to the Man himself.

It’s standing on top of a four-story building that you can go into. The building itself is neat to look at, but in the center was a really cool sculpture, I think it was called The Hive. It was built completely without nails or screws.

Here’s some video I took.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6FyD5KWbAU&

In addition to being a delicious break from the sun, you could walk up a level or two and see the playa from above. I got a great shot of a viking ship crossing the dust.

And then I looked down… at the group of naked men collecting together for the Critical Dicks March. Wow. You think you’re ready, but when you’re actually there and presented with thirty different guys, all different bodies, all different manpart-styles, it throws you a bit. I blurred out faces in case some of them are, like, lawyers back in the non-Playa world. Enjoy.

Go to Google and type in “Critical Dicks”, then hit “Images”. Visualize that coming towards you, all that jingly-jangly… It changes you.

Tomorrow we’ll delve into some of the night-time fabulosity. Many blurry pictures, but trust me, it’s worth it.

*That’s not really true. I like things other than that. But there’s a kernel of truth. I don’t go to MoMA or The Guggenheim or The Whitney, ever. I go to The Met and The Museum of Art and Design.

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Burning Man 2012 Recap #2.

Friday, September 7th, 2012

I don’t think a lot of people know what Burning Man actually is. I certainly didn’t until I got out there. I had a vague idea, but no real grasp. Someone told me it was a music festival. Another person told me it was a mega hippie commune. A lot of people just think it’s about the drugs and the sex and the fire. Those are all kind of true, a bit, but here’s the best description of what it is: a pop-up, counter-culture, leave-no-trace, full-scale, fully functional city based on the concept of gifting as opposed to the exchange of money for goods and services. I’ll break that down for you.

A pop-up, (it only lasts for a week)

counter-culture, (lots of artists, hippies, nudists)

leave-no-trace, (no trash cans anywhere – if you brought it in, you took it out and you attempt to leave the desert in as pristine a condition as you found it)

full-scale, (58,000 people attended)

fully functional city (there were clearly marked streets and streetlights, there were toilets, there was an ambulance and fire department, there were policemen, there was an airport, etc.)

based on the concept of gifting as opposed to the exchange of money for goods and services (except for the Center Camp, where you could purchase ice and coffee, no money is allowed to be used – only gifting, and mostly people would be charitable and just do things for nothing in return)

Here’s a map of Black Rock City, as it is called, with some landmarks pointed out for you. This shape, called The Playa, is based on a clock. The spoke-streets are named after times, and the concentric circle-streets are letters of the alphabet, making it quite easy to navigate this rather large city. I stayed at 5:15 and J, for example.

Cricket and I, being from the East Coast, did not bring bikes with us, nor did we purchase super-cheap ones at the local Wal-Mart like many of the backpacking foreigners. We walked everywhere. We walked a lot, like six miles a day, which doesn’t sound like that much except you forget that you are in the desert and a fiery ball in the sky spends its entire day trying to burn you without any respite. In lieu of roasting your flesh directly, the flamey ball makes the temperature close to 100 degrees, and then there’s the dust. Oh dear Lord, the dust. I was in the elevator at work yesterday and someone had tracked a bit of mud into the elevator. The mud had dried to a light color and puffed around a little, so when I got into the elevator and looked down, I shrieked, like, “Dust! Are you following me?! Be gone with you!” I have post-traumatic dust disorder. Here’s the deal: the dust is dry and extremely powdery and light… and caustic. So when the wind blows, and sometimes the wind blows hard, this powdery nightmare gets all up in your face and your camera/car/electronic thing and ruins everything. Cricket and I had to take Claritin the whole time to keep from having violent sneezing fits. Here is a picture of Cricket and me hangin’ out in the tent. He looks moderately okay, I look like I lost a loved one recently. What is wrong with my face – my nose is sunburned, my eyes are all jacked up from the dust and my expression conveys that it’s 96 degrees and there’s nowhere to hide from the heat. It’s a real evocative expression.

Before I left New York, I conveniently forgot how much I truly hate being in the outdoors. That does not mean I hate nature, far from it. I donate a big ole chunk of my income to various environmental organizations. I love nature, I just don’t want to be out there, with the stupid chafey elements, and gnats. Oh, and bees, don’t forget bees! You know what my four elements are? The beautifully alliterate group of Air Conditioning, Carbs, Cable and Klonopin. That’s what I need to survive. I do not need the extreme environment of the desert. Cricket and I had planned to stay for three nights and three days, but we busted out of there the morning of Day Three which was a-okay by me. Granted, we missed the Burning of The Man, but we saw the burning of thirty-four other pieces of art so I feel like I got the sense of it. Also, super-bonus, it took us between 10 and 15 minutes to get to the highway. After the Man burns, so many people leave at the same time that that same drive takes EIGHT HOURS. EIGHT. SOMETIMES TEN. We ended up going up to Lake Tahoe for a day which was lovely, but we’ll get to that in a later blog entry.

Back to Burning Man: The gifting thing takes some getting used to. We arrived just as the sun was setting, so we quickly set up camp and started ambling around trying to get a sense of the place. As we walked down one of the roads, someone came up to us and said, “I make chili-pepper-infused vodka. Would you like to try some?” My initial reaction was to yell, “Stranger danger!” and blow a rape whistle, but this is a different world, a friendlier world. So we wandered over to this makeshift bar where the nice man gave Cricket the aforementioned vodka and I tried his homemade chocolate liqueur. And after saying thank you, we continued on our journey. That’s how things work out there. People either have a skill or a food or something and the act of sharing it with others is all the payment they require. When you first arrive, you’re given a book of the various things or activities offered at various camps. Here’s a sample:

Tissue and a Plan
Lost? Confused? Runny nose? We are dedicated to making sure no burner wanders the playa without a clear plan and a clean tissue. Available all week. Tissue and a Plan – 7:30 and Columbine.

Miso Soup
Our goal for our Miso Soup Camp is to prevent electrolyte imbalance for Burners. We must eat salty food on the playa. Please bring your own cup. Miso Soup – Dandelion and 5:45

It’s Not Sleazy Being Green
Got nothing green going? Come ogle our Gray-B-Gon Evapotron! Learn to turn gray water into vapor and minimal waste. Get pumped to reproduce your own! Cartoon Commune – 7:30 Portal.

BRC Perimeter Run
Wanna run in the middle of nowhere? Meet on the north side of the Man at 7:00 a.m. for a group run along the BRC perimeter fence.

Recitation of the Lotus Sutra
Chanting of the Nam Myoho Renge Kyo and Lotus Sutra. Join us to learn about practicing Buddhism and reveal your enlightened nature. All welcomed. Buddhacamp@TheLotusDome – Foxglove and 4:15

BYOC Hydration Station
Is your bottle/cup empty? Come fill it and hydrate from our booze-free jugs of tasty and varied beverages and sit awhile. Until supplies last. WhoofARTed? – Begonia and 9:15

In addition, in the book I found all these other things:

a confessional, singing telegrams (staffed by thousands of volunteers), a mini-film festival, welding and repair services, a dojo, a radio station, a bowling alley, a library, knot-tying classes, a wedding chapel, a gym, dance classes, an open stage, a karaoke club, foot massages, a skateboard park, woodburning (like the boy scouts do, with the patterns and whatnot), a clothing boutique, a daycamp for kids, figure-drawing classes, an ear/nose/throat clinic, hat and costume decoration and repair, giant Jenga, giant Twister, speed-dating, circus-arts classes, LED repair, AA meetings, glass-blowing, solar battery-recharging station, a barber shop, a marching band march-off, body-painting, improv class, drum circles, a family portrait studio, roller derby, pickling classes, and bronze bell-casting.

And, of course, I found quite a few things that were what I would consider very bad gifts. These people would not be getting a thank-you card. No sir.

Fire Baseball
Baseball is so much more exciting with fire! We have mitts and leather gloves to share, but bring your own if you can, and wear fire-safe clothing! !Zoom! – Esplanade and 7:15

Dr. Scrote’s Circumcision Wagon and Calamari Hut
Dr. Scrote, certified medical technician, offers fun and fast service, along with fresh ‘n’ tasty calamari rings. Hither and Yon – See Playa for Directory*

Sriracha Spa
Invigorate your senses with Sriracha facials and massages while immersed in a kaleidoscope light show. Kaleidospice – Located within The Hive

Morning Coffee Enema
Enemas have been used for health and pleasure for thousands of years. Join us for our world-famous coffee & conversation Black Rock style. Since 2004. 9:00 and Iris – see Playa for Directory

Here’s the full list online if you wish to look at all of them.
http://playaevents.burningman.com/2012/playa_events/1/

Since Cricket and I are in a committed relationship we did not investigate any of the polyamory events, nor did I go to the women’s circle jerk (bring your own toy!) although, I won’t lie, I was tempted to saunter by and peek in because, hey, when are you going to see something like that again (“Do all those nice ladies have epilepsy?”) But I did not. Nor did Cricket or I partake in any fun substances of any kind because that really isn’t our bag. I came to see all the artwork and Cricket came to protect his investment (me). While it is near impossible to see every piece of art on display, I would say we did one hell of a job.

On the first night we headed down to the Man because it’s right in the center and I got to see a variety of the camps as I walked by.

As you can see, lights are incredibly important. There are lights on everything – you, your bike, your hat, your car, your tent, etc. It makes it look incredibly other-worldy, like a Bedouin Las Vegas. It’s really hard to take night-time photos because it’s extremely dim, so I apologize now for all the blurry shots forthcoming. It’s the best I can do.

If you watch the first 1:45 of this video, it gives you a much better sense of The Playa at night. Fascinating.

http://vimeo.com/33579217

Tomorrow we’ll delve into some of the creative night pieces I got to see.

*Please, please be a joke or an art piece. Please.

Posted in Burning Man, Nature, Random Art Bloggery, Tasty 'n' Delicious, Travels - I Has Them | No Comments »

Burning Man 2012 recap #1.

Wednesday, September 5th, 2012

I have returned! I did not get hopped up on the drugs, or infected with a “social disease”, and I only got a wee rash on the sides of my knees! Good stuff. It was a really interesting trip. Funny story: I did not wear my costume once. Not once. The weather was so sucky and dusty I didn’t have the opportunity. And I blogged about this costume for months! I wasn’t sad or anything, I know I’m going to get a chance to use it at Halloween and The Mermaid Parade and when I attend weddings of people I want to make uncomfortable.

About two weeks before I left, I contacted my friend B. who is a computer wiz and he made me a thing with a little computer Arduino brain and strips of LEDs that go frrrrrip, frrrrrip, frrrrrip in a similar manner to a jelly. Here’s a video that shows what I’m referring to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMghL4MedV4&

Now, these jellies in the preceeding video are fairly small and the LEDs I was using are fairly large, so I had B. do a couple of changes. First of all, its just one color (sort of a sky blue). I didn’t want it to be all different rainbow colors because that made my brain hurt. Also, I had him slow it waaaay down (again, brain hurt avoidance). Since my clear plastic umbrella had eight sections, B. made eight strips that extended further than the bottom of the brolly and curled under a bit, increasing its jelly-like qualities. The LEDs are so bright that I bought white duct tape and taped over the strips onto the plastic umbrella and the lights shone right through (bam!). The I spray-painted some vague blotches (also light blue) to make the umbrella translucent versus transparent, and then I sewed some tulle all pleated-like and had them dangle down from the middle. Cricket carried my umbrella around Burning Man and no joke, we probably got close to one hundred compliments on it. People were chasing us down on bicycles to say how awesome it was. First of all, in the darkest dark, when Cricket walked by it looked like this:

And as the sun was setting we were standing watching people play dodgeball (more on that in a later post) and I realized you could really appreciate all the elements on the jelly-brella.

Wildly popular. Tomorrow I will delve into the other-worldliness that was Burning Man. Be ready for a lot of pictures and a bunch of videos.

Posted in Burning Man, Travels - I Has Them | 3 Comments »

Burning Man costume, part DONE.

Wednesday, August 29th, 2012

I am DONE. Finished. I made it. I made my deadline. I know making the costume and setting a deadline is completely arbitrary and totally fabricated, but I like setting goals for myself and then achieving them. The Moomins came over and helped me pack, and bonus, everything except the umbrella fits in the suitcase. And in six hours I crawl out of my bed in the dark and board a plane to Reno, where Cricket and I will pick up our rented mom-van and trek out into the dusty wilderness to experience unbridled creativity (I hope).

I plan to take as many pictures as my 32 gig camera card will hold, so I anticipate many a tale upon my return. See y’all on Tuesday.

And here’s some reading about some other people who also spent a whole lot of time and money on fantastic creations:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/27/burning-man-2012_n_1834494.html

Posted in Burning Man, My Art/Design/Business, Travels - I Has Them | No Comments »

Costa Rica 2012, Part 9 and finished.

Monday, March 5th, 2012

On our last day in Costa Rica we were on the Pacific Ocean. I hadn’t ever been in the Pacific Ocean, so I insisted the night we arrived that we put on our bathing suits and trek out into the waters. So Cricket, being a trooper, hoisted up his swim trunks and we headed off. We watched the sunset:

And a romantic couple having a fancy dinner to the right of us:

And when it was dark we went in. Here are some fun facts about the Pacific Ocean. It has a killer tow when the waves go in and out and the sand has rocks that pop out all over. They recommend that you do not go in it for fear you will step on a rock, fall down and get sucked away forever. So Cricket and I are in the water, me up to my ribs and Cricket his bellybutton (he’s very tall) and he was holding my hand because he was concerned I would drown. I was leaping from one foot to another taunting the waves, and when one would come I would jump up, immediately get pulled seven feet backward, then hop forward like a deranged lemur yelling at the ocean, “Is that all you got? Your waves are pathetic! I own you! You are nothing! Poseidon can kiss my (posterior component)! etc.” The look on Cricket’s face was priceless. It was a combination of affection for me and sad acceptance that the life partner he has chosen is a complete idiot. So now I can say I have been in the Pacific Ocean.

The next day we decided to go on a booze cruise, primarily because they had snorkeling which I wanted to do. We met down at the cove, took a small boat out to the catamaran and hung out on it for five hours. It was delightful. Even if you don’t drink, you could sit on the front of the catamaran, look at the scenery and enjoy the weather. However, we got very lucky. We saw some humpback whales:

But even cooler were the rays. While we were in Costa Rica it was ray mating season, so the rays were trying to impress the ladies. They did this thing where they went right up to the surface and flapped their floopers, making the water look like it was boiling. I got some video footage of that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CYjEM7kPDg

But they did this other thing that was totally hypnotic to watch. The males, in an attempt to attract a mate, would fling themselves out of the water, look like they were flying and then fall back into the water with a big splash. It looked like anthropomorphic teabags trying to escape. I didn’t get any footage, but I found some that totally shows what it was like.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2QTOz8kDZg

I could have watched that all day. (I pretty much did.) Then I went snorkeling which was pretty lame due to the amount of sandy debris that had been stirred up the night before by winds or currents or whatever. It made the visibility really low. However, on the way back to the boat, one of the boatmen who had been swimming with us climbed back on with an angry super-puffed pufferfish. He was perfectly round and all his little spiky bits were all poking out, the boat man said he had a lot of practice holding them, otherwise it would hurt. He put the pufferfish in a five-gallon bucket and when Mr. Puffy calmed down, I pet him. He felt exactly like small plastic barbs covered with a thin layer of slime. I, not surprisingly, adored him and wanted to keep him forever, but a few minutes later the boatman returned him to the sea.

Okay, here are all the remaining photos I have.

Dead moth. He was huge, like an easy six inches across, and other bugs were eating him. The Cycle of Life – it’s gross.

This is one of my pride-n-joy photos. We saw a river otter swimming down the river in the rainforest. I anticipated where he was going by his bubble trail, so my camera was approximately in the right spot when he popped out. He clambered up onto the log, took a couple deep sniffs of the air, and then slithered back in the water – and I got a shot of him during the sniffing! I was thrilled.

A lizard and a heron. Together and yet so far apart.

Tortuguero National Park. Here’s the view outside of the cabins we stayed in. Amazeballs.

Here’s the village of Tortuguero. Originally is was created during the time of the logging, but now it just caters to tourists and helps with the annual green turtle hatching – checking the labels of returning green turtles, making sure the babies go into the ocean, that kind of thing.

The second place we stayed at the base of the Arenal Volcano. One of the most photogenic places on earth. This is where I went on the night frog walk and I saw the hummingbirds.

Bathroom signs we saw all over the place. I guess the plumbing is old, so you can’t put anything in the toilets like paper products. There’s a little garbage can off to the side of the toilet for you to deposit used paper. It took some getting used to, but by the end of the trip I was a pro.

The graveyards in Costa Rica were really interesting. First of all, they’re all above ground, not unlike New Orleans, because the twelvetyteen feet of rain they get. Also, we’re accustomed to graves made of stone, but the people in Costa Rica are pretty poor, so the mausoleums are made of the same stuff their houses are made of, cement blocks and bathroom tile.

The hanging bridges. This is where I saw the hummingbird in a nest and the tarantula in a hole. It was kind of scary because the bridges were really high off the ground, really long and really swingy, but The Moomins and I sucked it up and crossed six of them like the brave soldiers we are. Ain’t gonna let nothin’ stand in our way, oh no.

The stickers on the side of the bus we traveled with. I stared at this from time to time. While the first four stickers seemed accurate, I never noticed a casino on board. Not once.

A moody and dramatic photo of a telephone booth. Very artsy.

The third hotel we stayed in, the one on the Pacific Ocean where I performed my one-man show Old Man and the Sea: The Dumbass Chronicles. This is where the dove had made a nest in a hedge.

And this is a photo of a lamp I liked at this last hotel. I liked the way only the bulb part had a shade on it.

While in Arenal, we went to some natural springs. The water was varying degrees of hot, and while there were quite a few young ‘uns milling around, it was mostly elderly people walking very slowly through the pools of water with no expressions on their faces like totally non-threatening zombies. The foliage around the pools was phenomenal. Mad props to their landscape artist.

No mad props to the sign maker. I like how he managed to screw up both the English and Spanish on this sign.

That’s it. That’s my whole trip to Costa Rica. If you have any questions or anything, feel free to email me. Also, the tour I went on, in case you’re interested, is this one:

http://www.caravan.com/tour/costa-rica

And now, back to TV recaps and pictures of crafty-crafts.

Posted in Beastiesbeastiesbeasties, Nature, Travels - I Has Them | 1 Comment »

Costa Rica 2012, Part 8.

Friday, March 2nd, 2012

Soft animals with fur and lactating parts! But first, hairy things that do not lactate. And have a lot of limbs. And sometimes eat their kinfolk. For example, this furry-butted spider with angry eyes. Cricket took this picture and is very proud of it.

Then, this beautiful golden orb spider. Love the coloring.

When I was on the hanging bridges (where I saw the hummingbird in the nest), the guide pointed out a wee hole on the side of the mountain and I was face-to-face with a smootchy little tarantula. Not often an animal most might think is cute, but this little feller was. Look at his sweet little toes.

Dotted all over the countryside were cows. Aaron explained that Jerseys and Holsteins didn’t do well in their climate because it was too warm, so the farmers cultivated “hot cows”, predominantly the Brahman cows from India. I think Brahman cows are terrific and Susan got some good shots of them. Look at them and their magical neck-humps.

The oxen are a critical part of Costa Rican society. Before cars, people used oxcarts to bring their wares and possessions where they needed to go. There’s a town in Costa Rica that is known for their exquisite oxcart painting. We didn’t go there, but we did see a few beautiful oxcarts around and about.

Monkeys! There are four types of monkey in Costa Rica and we saw three of them: Capuchin, Howler and Spider. The Squirrel Monkey lives on the Pacific Coast and I didn’t get a chance to go to into the forests on that side, but I saw all the Caribbean monkeys and I feel pretty great about that. The Capuchin Monkey everyone is pretty familiar with – they are used in a ton of movies and as helpers to quadriplegics because they are as smart as a seven-year-old human.

Sometimes you gotta chew on a branch.

And eat some fruit.

Then take a nap.

Needless to say, Capuchin Monkeys = a whole lotta cuteness. Cricket got some video footage of them with the palm fruit. It gets more interesting around the 1:00 mark.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hkYA8VM21k

But, despite what you might think, Capuchins were not my favorite type of monkey (although they were marvelous and I love them very much). Spider Monkeys are. They also have a prehensile tail and they go up in the tippety-toppety branches, hang there and use all four of their hands to delicately pick tasty leaf-bits. It looks like they’re playing the harp with all four limbs. I could watch them all day.

If you go to Costa Rica, you will hear a really weird noise, something between a bark and a grunt, but very loud. Those are howler monkeys and their calls can be heard over two miles away. We encountered Howler Monkeys several times on this trip. There were mixed opinions on the call of the Howler – some people hated it, I liked it. It’s really basic and it sounds like it comes from the gut. Here’s a example I found on good old YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ihWw_4aOBY

And here are some pictures of Howler Monkeys. Let me preface by saying they are brown and black, but we came across a famous one called Blondie, who is not an albino but she is lacking pigment in her skin and fur. So the orange-y one is not a typical Howler Monkey.

OMG Howler Monkey baby!

When I was on the hanging bridges I was very excited to see coatis. Coatis are in the same family as raccoons and they are adorable, with the sweetest little markings on their faces. They spend their days shnuffling around in the underbrush looking for delicious things like worms and fruit. I was photographing this one…

… and I had started to videotape him when one of his cohorts popped out next to my foot and commenced foraging, which surprised me to say the least. I’m sorry the footage is so Blair-Witchy, it’s very dark in the rainforest and I was startled.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJIxBrrDbtA

And then he ran away.

Later that day, we saw a group of females and babies snacking out by the side of the road. The males are solitary and are called “Coatimundi” which I believe means “Lonely One”, so if you ever see a group of them, it’s always ladies and their wee ones.

Sloths! I saw both the two-toed and three-toed variety. First, the two-toed. It was raining. He was climbing from one tree to another and he was very soggy. Here he is in all his soggitude.

And here’s a snippet of footage I took of him. They move pretty quickly considering their name.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tvqJnSGQb8

But the ultimate thing on this trip was the three-toed sloth. One day, everyone came to breakfast saying that there was a three-toed sloth in the tree, but by the time I got there it had magically disappeared. They’re hard to see anyway because they do their best to resemble a rotting bathmat. Later we saw one in a tree far away, but honestly if they hadn’t told me it was a sloth I would have mistaken it for a pile of leaf-debris. The only slothlike defining feature was the three loooooong claws.

I was coming to grips with the lackluster sloth sightings, you know, accepting my plight, when one day we were at a rest stop Aaron came over to me and said, “Would you like to see a sloth with a baby?” I was like YES NOW PLEASE and started craning my neck to look in the trees, but Aaron said, “No, it’s over here.” He took me to a bush, pulled aside some branches and there it was, a sloth with a baby maybe two feet from my face. I calmly asked Aaron if I could touch it (translation: can I steal it and hold it close to me for eternity) but Aaron said no because it is a bacteria-and-algae-encrusted creature and it will get us sick. Here are pictures. You might want to hold on to a chair or something to brace yourself.

Wait, it gets better: video footage.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5tUYEgX5mk

My favorite part is when all the women on the tour come over and immediately start ovulating in unison at about the :42 mark.

Coming up in the next entry: All the pictures that are left. And then we return to our regularly scheduled programming.

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Costa Rica 2012, Part 7.

Tuesday, February 28th, 2012

Scary giant reptiles! But first, coffee. One of Costa Rica’s biggest exports is coffee. We went to a coffee plantation and I learned a whole bunch about coffee. Coffee coffee coffee. For example, coffee flowers smell very strongly like jasmine because coffee is in the gardenia family. And the coffee fruit is edible (the coffee bean we are accustomed to seeing is inside the red fruit) but it is a strong laxative, so one should not eat a handful lest one become like a bear in the woods. This place had coffee plants and cacao plants all over. These were cacao plants.

Coffee plants look like sticks with red and green berries popping out every couple of inches. The coffee bean must be picked by hand and can’t be stripped by machine because they ripen individually. They look like this:

Inside the red berry is a slime-covered beige-colored set of beans, and that slime is resilient, yo, it ain’t comin’ off easy. So what they do is soak the beans in water, where the slime coating ferments and slides off (and apparently this process smells super-gross). Then they commence with the roasting process or they plant them. If they plant them, they look like this:

They have come up with a variety of non-toxic ways to deal with problems that crop up (“crop up!” har!) in the fields. There was this ingenious little device strung up all over the place.

There’s three cups, the top two with the bottoms cut out, a plate, some rum and some water. The insects that attack the coffee plants drink the rum at the top, then fall down through the successive cups until they fall into the cup in the bottom (the one with water) and they drown. Low-tech and effective. Also, there’s a certain worm that likes to eat the roots of the coffee plant, so they put other plants with tastier roots in the with the coffee plants, and the worm eats those instead.

The way the Costa Ricans strain their coffee is using this cotton sock-looking thing suspended above a tin cup. It’s like the original filter. It looks gnarly because the sock-thing gets stained brown so even if it’s clean it looks like it was tied to the shoe of a hiker and dragged all over the trails. But it does the job so people still use this tool.

Okay, reptiles and whatnot. Iguanas! We saw a ton of iguanas. I learned that I love iguanas. I think they’re great. You would think most of the iguanas we would see would be green, but this was the only green one I saw.

It’s iguana mating season, so the males are this vibrant shade of pumpkin orange. They were draped all over the place, being sexy to the lady ‘guanas I suppose.

And then we saw iguana sex! They do it vertically which I think is unnecessary, but whatever. Not my call.

These iguanas were on the Caribbean coast. When we were on the Pacific coast we saw a different type of iguana that was stumpier and grayer. They looked more like Godzilla.

Geckos! Geckos are also great. They were my constant companion. They hung out near all the light fixtures waiting for buggies to show up. I insisted Cricket take many photos of them. Regular gecko. Dramatic gecko. Teeny baby gecko.

This is one of my favorite photos of the trip. This guy was really into his light fixture, literally and figuratively.

• | • | • INTERMISSION • | • | •

A bug. I like the way he coordinated the white on his back with the ends of his antennae. Moving on.

• | • | • INTERMISSION OVER • | • | •

Caimans! Caimans are little crocodiles. They do all the same things crocodiles do, like float there with only their heads above the water doing their damnest to be a log. I have a few pictures of that.

Awww, look at the baby! He’s so wee and you can see his little body under the water. So sweet and prehistoric.

This photo is called “Emperor’s New Clothes.” The guide informed us there was a caiman right in front of us, so we all dutifully took photos of this patch of grass, but I don’t know if anyone actually could see said caiman. So now we all have pictures like this.

Turtle shell. I didn’t put an exclamation point after that because, well, he’s dead and frankly not that thrilling. But I liked how you could see his ribs attached to his shell.

On one of our last days in Costa Rica we went to a bird ‘n’ crocodile sanctuary where big lethargic crocodiles laid around on the sandy banks and resembled spiked sacks of flour. We saw a ton of them. And one that was a ton. We’ll get to him momentarily.

At one point our boat captain for the day, I believe his name was José, decided to join the Bad Life Choices Society by getting out of the boat barefoot and feeding one of the crocs raw chicken meat. It was rough to watch because, you know, aaaaaaahhhh DUDE what are you DOING.

As we gently floated down the river, our guide Aaron got very excited because an insanely huge crocodile named Mike Tyson was hanging out near us. Mike Tyson the croc got that name by biting off the tail of one of his rivals. I learned that crocodiles never stop growing and Mike T is very old, so he looks terrible, like Jabba the Hut, all corpulent and flabbalicious. Aaron also told me one of my favorite nuggets of the trip, which is that crocodiles don’t really have any enemies once they reach adulthood and they can die “from elderness.” I have informed many people that someday they will die from elderness, and no one seems to appreciate it as much as me. Oh well. Here’s Mike Tyson.

And while we’re staring at the massive bulk of MT, one of his lady friends sidles up to the boat. How close did she get? Real close.

And the José got out of the damn boat, still with the barefootness, and fed them raw chicken. Aaaaaaaaahhhh JESUS CHRIST José do you have a death wish STOP DOING THAT.

By they way, the entire time we were hanging out on this river that is rife with predators that have eaten living things for forever, some idiot farmer allowed his horses to graze on the banks of the river. We were all like, run! Run away horses and one mule! They couldn’t hear us. They seemed okay. I still worried.

Oh, and I wanted to include a video Cricket took of leaf-cutter ants. We saw them when we went on the night frog walk. They were so cool. They had worn down a path, and some ants were carried giant leaf shards with ants on it cleaning it. Did you know the ants don’t eat the leaves? They take the leaves down into their ant lair where they basically do some farming, and a fungus grows on the leaf, and that’s what the ant eats.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIFPZCzVkLA

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Costa Rica 2012, Part 6.

Thursday, February 23rd, 2012

Reptiles and amphibians! Hey, you know what there is a lot of in Costa Rica? Reptiles and amphibians. Even better, reptiles and amphibians that can kill you. For example, we went to a butterfly park. What that means is there is a chunk of rainforest, not particularly big, like 100 feet by 50 feet, and there is a netted tent over it. Butterflies live in there and flit from plant to plant and eat fruit and then die. In the fancy butterfly parks they carefully collect all the dead butterfly bodies off the ground every morning and frame them, but here the public was allowed in so it wasn’t that carefully regimented. What was neat was seeing the caterpillars eating (and pooping, caterpillars poop so much, I had no idea) and butterflies emerging from chrysalises all crumpled and damp. Here are some giant hairy caterpillars with cool patterns. Yes, that is a milkshake glass. Big caterpillars.

This is my mom pointing to one caterpillar’s hind quarters. And whole bunch of caterpillar poop.

This was a lone monster caterpillar. We christened him The Shark. Look at him, then sing the Jaws, “dun dun, dun dun” song to yourself. It totally works.

Emerging butterflies!

This is a Blue Morpho. I love the brown spotted pattern on the outside of their wings, but everyone is totally into their bright blue iridescent inside wing parts. However, it is damn near impossible to photograph the inside because they sit with their wings closed.

All these little fellers were wafting past our heads the entire time we were walking around. It’s magical, like a ticker tape parade but alive.

This guy was my favorite. He’s got big “eyes” on his wings so predators will think he’s a big scary animal, but he is not. He’s a giant fuzzy moth that I want to cuddle.

ANYWAY, the reason I brought up this during my reptiles and amphibian portion of review is because at the bottom of one of the planters in this butterfly park was… a poison dart frog! Just hanging out being poisonous!

One of the reptiles we kept bumping into was the fabulously named “Emerald Basilisk, or Jesus Christ Lizard.” He is named this because he runs across the surface of the water. Their coloring differs depending on their habitat, but in the rainforest they look green and fake. If they didn’t blink or dart away, I would have thought they were plastic. Seriously. Here’s one (a male, notice the big crests on the back) chillin’ on a branch. This was taken without flash.

But this male was taken with flash and he looks super-plasticky-fake.

Mrs. Jesus Lizard was right next to us on the left. No crest.

This is a basilisk that lives in a brown dirt-covered area so he matches that environment. I would call him The Olive Basilisk.

There were tons of teeny-tiny lizards on the walls all over the place. I took a few pictures of them because (shocker!) I thought they were cute and I wanted to take them home with me.

Susan took pictures of these three guys, I don’t know what they are. I think one might be a skink, or maybe not. I am not a herpetologist. Fine-lookin’ lizards, though.

While we were on the river one morning really early we rolled on past this tree and the guide pointed out a boa constrictor being one with the branch. That boa could blend, I tell you. It took me a very long time to see him and he was right in front of me.

Later in the day we floated on by and he had curled up into a little boa-ball.

The time we saw the most cold-blooded creatures is when we went on a night-time frog walk. A guide led us through a chunk of rainforest on foot where there was a pond. They also had some glass cases that had some specimens in them, you know, someone found a death-beast in their house and these people came out and collected it and now they show it to schoolchildren to educate them, etc. My favorite was these two chameleon-looking lizards trying to sleep even though we were shining flashlights in their faces. We left them alone for the rest of the night, so I don’t feel so bad about the five minutes of inconvenience they had to endure.

And we saw a ton of frogs. We saw the Brilliant Forest Frog which doesn’t look like much, but he has a lovely defense mechanism. When he is startled he pees into the face of his predator and jumps away, and the insides of his legs are a vibrant red which disorients the attacker even more. I don’t think I would need the red inner thighs. I think the pee in the face would be enough.

We saw The Masked Frog…

And the Common Tink Frog, who was super-wee…

As well as the equally wee Hourglass Tree Frog.

And in a glass case there was an Eyelash Pit Viper. He was the greatest. He was a slim yellow guy with eyelash-looking scales over his eyes. And he has the best name in the Aztec language: “The Evil That Takes Your Soul With Kissing.” They come in a wide variety of colors depending on what they eat. The bright yellow ones eat hummingbirds, so they are mimicking a pretty flower. I love ’em.

In my wildlife book they had a whole page devoted to my beloved yellow eyelash pit viper.

I was quietly enjoying my moment with my new snake friend when my shoulder brushed something and eeeeeeehhhhhhhhh giant hairy spider. I don’t normally have a problem with giant hairy spiders but this one surprised me and I thought he was going to climb up my neck into my hair and then I had to walk off to the side and vigorously scratch my scalp with my fingernails.

In the next tank over was the Hog-Nosed Viper, so named because of its upturned snoot. Love the pattern.

We also saw these two frogs. Don’t know what kind they are. I call them Generic Frogs.

One of the most exciting moments of the frog walk was when the guide moved a leaf (a lot of my stories have the phrase, “the guide moved a leaf, and there was a <awesome thing> behind it”) and there was a Red-Eyed Tree Frog, the symbol of Costa Rica.

And, if you look carefully at this photo, you will see a Smooth-Skinned Toad hanging out in the leaf litter.

Coming up, more reptiles. Bigger ones. Scarier ones. With big teefers.

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Costa Rica 2012, Part 5.

Wednesday, February 22nd, 2012

Not all the insanely cute things I saw were mammals. Some of the birds I saw made me clutch at my heart from the preciousness as well. For example, Señor TeenyGrumples right here. He’s a Tree Swallow.

Or this Broadbilled Motmot. Also poofy and grouchy.

At the end of the trip, Cricket and I were checking out of the hotel when someone pointed out a dove’s nest right in the hedge next to the pool. I felt really bad for that dove, she picked a profoundly crappy place to build a nest. But I got to stand up close to her and see her egg. Here is Mrs. White-Winged Dove.

Here is Cricket standing next to the hedge with Mrs. Dove sitting in it.

And look at the egg! She’s got her feet wrapped around it! Awww.

There was this little guy who I think is a Blue-Gray Tanager. He looks fake, like a Christmas tree clip-on ornament, but I assure you he was not.

But by far the smootchiest bird I encountered while in Costa Rica was the hummingbird. Have you ever seen a hummingbird up close? They are so small and vibrant. There was this Rufous-Tailed Hummingbird hanging out in the trees one day.

He was great. He would go and collect nectar from a variety of flowers, then zip back to this branch and flickety-lick his beak with his skinny tongue. It was redonk. Susan got two amazing shots of hummingbirds flying.

But the ultimate was when I was walking on the hanging bridges. Right in front of me was a wee hummingbird in a wee nest. The nest was made from moss and spiderwebs (I am not making this up). I could only get one picture before the little guy flew off and it’s royally backlit, but it gives you an idea. Holy Moses, people.

Here’s a photo I found on the internet that more adequately shows you what it looked like, and a picture of a hummingbird nest to give you a sense of scale. The nest was mad tiny, yo.

Other birds! This is a Green Ibis. There he is. Apparently he only looks green in bright sunlight, so when there’s clouds (which there is a lot – rainforest!) he looks gray.

We saw what I politely referred to as “a demonic-looking duck” building a nest in some greenery. It’s called a Gray-Necked Wood Rail, by the way. The Evil Gray-Necked Wood Rail of Satan.

When we were in a boat we passed by three kingfishers – The Belted Kingfisher, The Amazon Kingfisher and The Ringed Kingfisher. All were staring with that laser-like gaze they have. I feel like if they looked at you for ten seconds or so, you would blister in the spot they were looking at, so very intense is their gaze.

An Osprey! Big bird of prey. Eats fish. Has sharp talons.

We were one the bus one day and the guide Aaron stopped it and informed us that a rare bird was wandering around in a cow pasture off to the right. I found out the name later: It’s a male Purple Gallinule.

This was super-cool – when we were on a river boat ride down a bit of river filled with birds and crocodiles, Aaron spotted a pair of Scarlet Macaws flying off in the distance and Susan managed to get a shot of the pair in a tree. It’s grainy, but it’s a picture. There are only 300 breeding pairs out there.

Did you know parrots are monogamous for life? At rest stop we spotted this Blue Macaw on a branch. She belonged to the owner of the rest stop and her husband had recently passed away (the Blue Macaw’s husband, not the owner) and according to studies, Mrs. Macaw would pass away soon as well…of depression and loneliness. Isn’t that sad? I wanted to give her a hug, but she was big and beaky and high up and probably didn’t need my love, so I refrained. And because of that I still have all my fingers, so good choice on my part.

Also, on the Bird ‘n’ Crocodile River Ride…The Northern Jacana! I love this bird. Its feet are so incredibly large in proportion to its body. Its feet are perpetually making jazz hands.

We also saw the Yellow-Headed Caracara (nice bird) and the Collared Caracara (AWESOME bird). They eat carrion and hang around where the crocodiles be at in the hopes of getting leftover snakkies.

Susan got a shot of Black-Necked Stilts. I didn’t see them, but I love the way they are arranged in this photo, so I’m putting it in here.

Finally, bird-wise, while we were on the Pacific Ocean beach there were Brown Pelicans swooping around eating and swimming and standing with their beaks shoved into their chests. They’re smaller than the pelicans we are accustomed to, and prettier too. Generally all-around better pelicans.