Japan 2014, Part 2.

March 2nd, 2014

Ah, the heated toilet seats. I cannot speak highly enough of them. We trekked through a great many cold environments, it being winter and all, and we’d see some outdoor lavatory situation, pop in there for a tinkle and boom! Toasty seat. Invariably I would say, “I live here now. It is warm and I am happy. Move on with your life. This is my home.” In addition, I am accustomed to my toilet flushing and that’s about it. The toilets in Japan do everything short of your taxes. Here was a sign next to one.

toto-toilet-instructions

I could not bring myself to press any of the water-squirty features but I if anyone else has, please tell me if they’re magical or horrifying.

The other thing that I adored were the vending machines. They are everywhere. Seriously. Next to a giant Buddha, in the middle of the forest, in random residential cul-de-sacs. Seriously, everywhere. And they dispense both hot and cold beverages. I started liking certain flavors and looking for machines selling those flavors. I would buy the hot ones and keep them in my pocket warming my belly and then when it cooled a bit I would drink it. They were the greatest. If I lived there and wasn’t unable to drink carbonated beverages (they burn the inside of my mouth, I’ve never had Coke or Pepsi or beer or champagne) I would make a point to try each and every flavor of everything in all the different vending machines and make a spreadsheet of them. Because I am so very cool.

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The way you know if the beverage is cold or hot is to look where the selection button is, right under the can. Is it blue? Cold. Is it red? Hot. The Moomins and I didn’t know that and one night she was hankerin’ for a beverage and I wasn’t allowing her to drink any more tea because it was after 7:00 p.m. and I didn’t want her to be up all night. We came across a machine that was selling this:

hot-ginger-ale

The Moomins and I didn’t see the red underneath (you can clearly see it there) so we thought the hot meant spicy. No, it was actually hot ginger ale. The Moomins, being the trooper that she is, drank it anyway. And here’s the kicker: she loved it. It was like sparkling ginger tea. She was suffering from a hacking cough the entire time we were there and she said the only thing that helped was this drink. I was on a constant pilgrimage to find some.

Look! Hot corn soup!

vending-machines3

Okay, the Ghibli Museum. Miyazaki is an animator of a variety of films, the most famous of which is either My Neighbor Totoro, Princess Mononoke or Spirited Away. This is Miyazaki’s museum. Snorth had told me about it and I felt like this needed to be checked out. It’s a small museum, so you need to buy tickets well in advance from a registered ticket seller. It’s all on their website. The museum only takes a certain number of people a day, so you need to get tickets no less than a month ahead. We took the JR to Mitaka Station where we got off and was greeted by exquisite ikebana flower arrangements right at the bottom of the escalator.

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I was astonished how something like this was right out in the open and not in a glass case or behind bars. Are you familiar with the phrase, “This is why we can’t have nice things”? I think of that all the time in America. In Japan no one stole any of the flowers or wrote “L.M. <3 B.R.” on the paper tablecloth under the arrangement or poured their leftover soda in the vase. I noticed that the Japanese are really into being respectful and following rules. There’s a system and a structure and it is not to be meddled with. More than three times I found myself at a crosswalk and I could see no cars were coming from the left or the right, there were no cars on the road at all. But that crossing light was red and therefore no one crossed. No one moved until that light turned green. When I would go into a shop there would often be a little tray to put your money on when paying. In one store I put the money directly on the counter like an animal because I didn’t see the tray. The shopkeeper moved the money to the tray, then took it and put it in the cash register. Like, placed the money in the tray then immediately picked it up to put it away like if it didn’t stop off in the tray it was not legal tender. And people always reference the Harajuku district of Tokyo. “People dress so wacky there! It’s so edgy and cool!” Well, sort of. It’s only on Sunday between certain hours. It’s a contained individuality. Most everywhere else everyone dressed pretty much the same, often very modestly. I felt like I was surrounded by Asian Orthodox Jews, fashion-wise. I often caught people staring at me, not in a bad way, but in a curious way because I was different. Different is not really encouraged I think. That’s the vibe I got. I could totally be wrong, I was only there for two weeks. But that’s the impression I got. The point of this rambling paragraph is that Japan’s rule system may be constricting to one’s personal flair, but you can have stunning flower arrangements out in the open, so that’s a plus.

Back to Mitaka Station. It was a breath of fresh air. It was filled with gorgeous little food stalls that sold all kinds of beautifully presented snackery in pretty boxes. It was like Christmas. If we hadn’t had the tickets for the Ghibli Museum we might have stayed in the station all day, looking at flowers and eating unknown food items (we ended up getting a dumpling sampler from there on our way back from the museum, it was delicious). The museum is buried in the corner of a park and it’s about a mile from the station. A shuttle bus will take you directly there (I found a pic online of what the bus stop and shuttle looks like):

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but since we had just sat for a 12-hour flight the day before and the weather was cool and overcast, we decided to walk. Which was great because we walked past a dog cafe! Oh my God. It’s a place you can bring your canine and have English tea. That’s it. We went in and tea had just finished for about four people, one who had two poodles and one who had a sheltie and the owner had a phalene in her arms. As soon as The Moomins came over, the little phalene struggled to get in The Moomins arms for cuddles. It was heart-meltingly cute.

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We walked along the brook that runs through that part of town and saw snowmen. Japan doesn’t make the kind of snowmen we make. They make little snow spirits and they are waaaaaaay better than the lumpy atrocities one sees on lawns in the area I live in.

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What is that, a deer? Love it.

Then we came to the park and in front of us was an odd-looking yellow stucco house with this sign in front of it.

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And then there’s a ticket booth manned by a giant plush Totoro.

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We went in with our printouts from the registered ticket vendor which at the front door were exchanged for two tickets containing three film frames of a Miyazaki movie. Ours were boring frames (one was a landscape at night, so blue and black and nothing else), but I found a pic on the internet of someone else’s better ones.

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Then we walked inside and it is like a teeny tiny personal Disneyland. There’s a mural on the ceiling and gorgeous stained glass windows and fun little architectural details, all of which I would have taken photos of except I was informed that photography inside was prohibited. Okay, I thought, I’m sure they’ll have a pamphlet or a booklet of all the sweetness here that I will buy in the gift shop. The Moomins and I looked at all the exhibitions showing how the animation teams make the movies. There was a fantastic use of strobe lighting in the middle of the downstairs. It was a rotating disc with characters from the films as little sculptures and it spun at just the right speed so when the strobe hit it the sculptures looked like they were flying, skipping rope, etc. It punches you right in the heart. If someone told me they visited the museum and cried, I would in no way be surprised. I found a video of the strobe thing. If you’re planning to visit ever, don’t watch this because you should experience it fresh. If you’re never planning on going, go ahead and watch it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0qYzJUoT7g

Apparently the spinning thing is called a zoetrope. You learn new things every day.

I walked around with a big dumb smile on my face the whole time. There was a little movie theater called the Saturn Theater showing a ten minute Miyazaki movie that was made only for that space, so we stood in line and we saw it. Neither The Moomins nor I speak Japanese but somehow we totally understood it. It was delightful.

After seeing all the exhibitions we finally made it over to the gift shop where I promptly asked if there was something on the stained glass windows / the building itself. I was informed there was not. I was mad, but I continued to be a good rule-follower and not take pictures. Luckily other people broke the rules and I found their pics online.

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See? Right. And then I couldn’t take it anymore. Rules were meant to be broken. I positioned The Moomins in front of me and managed to get a pic of a metal bat on the top of the elevator tower.

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On the second floor there’s an enormous plush catbus that kids can play on with great cutouts of bugs in the wood that surrounds the play area. Took secret pictures of that too.

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And then the piece de resistance for me, a small window with the Radish Spirit and No-Face from Spirited Away waving at me. Spirited Away was the reason I went to Japan in the first place. I saw it in 2001 and I was enchanted. The hell I’m not taking a shot of that.

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Just as I snapped the shot one of the museum attendants came past me and said, “No picture.” I imagine if I was Japanese I would have been disgusted with myself and possibly committed seppuku for bringing such dishonor on my family, but I truly didn’t care. IF YOU DIDN’T WANT ME TAKING PHOTOS YOU WOULD HAVE MADE A BOOKLET OF THE AWESOME STAINED GLASS WINDOWS MA’AM. I FEEL NO SHAME. BRING IT.

Before I ruined the U.S.’s reputation even further we went outside to the cafe. It was a lovely cafe where we shared a cup of roasted barley tea and I took a photo of the handles of the washbasin. I think it’s the cat from Kiki’s Delivery Service.

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There were exhibits outside as well. On the roof there’s a big metal robot from one of Miyazaki’s other films (I have not seen his entire filmography so I don’t get all the references).

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And there’s a cube from another Miyazaki film. And some spinny noisemakers that look like fish. But in my opinion my favorite things were the snow sculptures. Near the front door was a stone forest dweller from Spirited Away.

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And on the roof someone had made both the main big Totoro and his two backup smaller Totoros. I (brilliantly, if I must say) decided they should be called snow-toros. Look. Look at the snow-toros.

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That was a phenomenal start to my Japanese journey. The next entry will delve into some Tokyo sightseeing.

Japan 2014, Part 1.

February 28th, 2014

Okay! I finally sorted through the megaton of photos and whittled them down and now we can commence with the cutery and weirditude. Japan was great. I wanted to go someplace really foreign to me, and it certainly was that. You know how in, like, Europe or South America or Africa they use the Roman alphabet so even if you don’t know what you’re looking for exactly you can sound it out or at least recognize the order the letters are in and use that? You can even do that with Cyrillic. Not in Japan. Three alphabets. Three. One of them is crazy convoluted and every character looks like a maze. You cannot sound that stuff out. If the sign isn’t in English, you are S.O.L. Now a great many signs are in English, but then a great many are not and The Moomins and I were completely in the dark. Let me tell you about the street system. Fun fact: Many of the streets have no names. Yup, you heard me right. No names. And the houses are numbered by the order they were built, so 22 could be next to 458 which is next to 3. The post officer’s jobs are nightmares. Don’t believe me? Look at this small chunk of a map of Kyoto.

shrine-swastika-map

It can get rough if you stop paying attention. A lot of directions involve instructions like, “When you get to a corner with two lanterns and a Family Mart, make a left.” And don’t be concerned about the swastikas, they represent Buddhist temples. I saw them everywhere. I thought I would have a visceral reaction to them, but they didn’t bother me a bit. They always showed up in the most soothing of places so maybe, if I lived there, I could retrain my brain that they’re a good thing. No more wincing at swastikas would be nice.

I’m going to do this chronologically because I think it will give you a better overview of the trip. First there was the 12-hour plane flight which I couldn’t sleep on because I didn’t take any sleepytime drugs and the seats are not comfy. It was cool, I watched movies the whole time. Delta has an amazing selection of movies and they leave all the cursewords in! I sent them a letter saying thank you for not tampering with my entertainment. Anyway, we landed and I had been up for twenty hours and was exhausted and looking forward to going to the hotel and passing out on the bed. However, it was not to be. It had snowed the day before in Tokyo, the most snow they had seen in forty-odd years and they didn’t have the manpower or supplies in place to deal with it. Then the highway had black ice so they closed it. This is the only highway that goes from Narita to Tokyo, which means no shuttles, buses, limos or cabs. We arrived and stood in a line outside freezing because there was a rumor some cabs were making it through. After two hours though it was clear that was not going to happen, so The Moomins and I went into the terminal. It was not a good scene. The airport was handing out sleeping bags, blankets and bubble wrap to people and they were setting up camp anywhere they could find a place – under the stairs, in the hallway to the bathroom, directly in front of the taxi and shuttle counter (no one was using it anyway). It was bleak.

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I was ready to set up camp somewhere and taste the glorious dream-state that was being painfully withheld from me, but The Moomins would have none of it. She said she was old and we had booked a hotel room with beds and paid for it already. By Jove, we were going to sleep in those beds even if we had to bribe someone to lift us via helicopter to Tokyo. It turns out that the JR train (similar to Amtrak or Metro-North) was still running, so we got on line for that. The longest line in the history of lines. It snaked back and forth through the entire terminal, folding over itself four or five times.

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This was interesting: I read somewhere that one of the unofficial mottoes of Japan is “suffer silently.” Not once did I see anyone in any of the lines or lying on the floor complain or get testy in any way. In America there would have been some clearly visible grumpiness. The Israelis would have commandeered a city bus, ripped up a garbage can to create makeshift chains for the tires and chugged off for Tokyo on the closed highway (they’re go-getters, those Israelis). At one point I saw a Chinese couple ( I could tell they were Chinese because the woman was talking on the phone) and she was hella-pissed. The husband was pushing the cart of luggage and wearing their infant in a Baby Bjorn on his chest, and he accidentally hit his wife in the legs with the front of the cart. She whirled around and kicked the cart. He curtly said something and she went to slap him but he flinched and she hit the baby who started crying. If I wasn’t so intent on not losing my place in line, I would have said, “Be back in a minute,” and followed them down the hall because I could hear them yelling at each other, Doppler-style, down the length of the terminal.  No one who was Japanese did that. The only complaining I heard was from an American pilot and and an Indian couple behind me. Finally, after standing in this line for about two hours we got tickets for the JR train. We got packed in like sausages and then it left the station. But because the tracks were icy it went fifteen miles an hour. It was torturous. I almost started crying from sheer exhaustion. After a thousand years we arrived at the main Tokyo Station where we stood in yet another line outside in the cold and got a cab to our hotel. The trip from the airport to the hotel should have taken about two hours. It took eleven and a half. We got to the hotel at 3:30 in the morning. When I got back to New York and people said, “You missed some snow, it was terrible,” I was like, “I felt the effects of snow on my trip. The joy and wonder of snow was not lost on me.”

http://rt.com/news/record-snowfall-hits-japan-202/

The next day was going to be vastly better because I was going to the Ghibli Museum. I went to sleep thinking about the fact that HOLY CRAP I’M IN JAPAN. And the toilet seats are heated and how glorious that is. More on that tomorrow.

I have returned.

February 25th, 2014

I’m back from my Japanese journey and I’ve started sorting through the 1,000+ photos I took. While I’m getting going on the blogging, please enjoy these two quintessential photos of Japan. One is a Hello Kitty branded giant dried squid, and the other is a little girl wearing a cat-ear headband eating green tea ice cream with someone in the background sporting a hoodie with a kawaii angry panda on it. BOOM. JAPAN. NUTSHELL.

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Off to frolic with Totoro.

February 7th, 2014

Alright everyone, I shall be gone for two weeks in Japan. I will return on the 23rd, when I will begin the sorting and uploading of what will no doubt be a heaping great pile of photos. Enjoy this charming weather until my return and I’ll see you all when I get back.

Clarification in case you don’t know who Totoro is:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Neighbor_Totoro

Superb Owl 2014.

February 4th, 2014

Wow. Did everyone catch that amazing Super Bowl? Where the guy did the thing, and everyone cheered? That was something else. Meanwhile, for those who are into other sports and are curious how such athletes were able to reach the next level, feel free to read blogs where they discuss training equipment such as this nice tool.

Sports Exclamation

Truthfully, I didn’t watch. I came home at 9:30 at night and caught the last ten minutes when the Seahawks had destroyed the Broncos and everyone was just killing time until the pain was over. In case you didn’t watch (and chances are if you read this blog you did not) the final score was 43 to 8, Seahawks. I assumed that there would be two NFL teams playing, not one NFL team and a bunch of homeless people they rounded up from outside Metlife Stadium, but apparently I was wrong. Listening to the announcers try to fill up time in the fourth quarter when the game was clearly won was sad. I’m surprised they didn’t start reading their mail on air. Anyway, hooray or I’m sorry depending on which team you were rooting for and good luck to whoever plays next year that I will pay just the smallest amount of attention possible to.

And concerning the commercials: eh. I saw most of them and I didn’t really care about any of them. Radio Shack was good. Doberhuahua was decent. The Bud Light commercial was great only because Reggie Watts and a llama were in it. Other than that, whatevs. None of them were on par with the Mercedes chicken commercial. That, that was a masterpiece.

Addendum: ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

A few things I like and one thing I do not like.

January 31st, 2014

Let’s begin with the not-like: I was watching television the other day and I saw a commercial for the truly impressive Grand Prospect Hall. Have you seen this commercial? It is terrific.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JC6AzmXrNbU

First of all, I immediately thought of the “Marble Columns” skit from SNL with Scarlett Johansson (you can watch the whole thing if you want, but her part is at about 1:17). Secondly, you may or may not notice that when the web address is up on the screen, the “s” in the middle is bigger for no reason. I took a photo of my TV in case you can’t watch the video.

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…Why? Why is it bigger? Was that a design choice? I don’t understand. It may not bother you at all, but to me it looks like this:

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And I can’t look away. I guess it’s because I do this for a living and it’s top-of-mind for me. I need to try and let that stuff go. And get invited to a party at the Grand Prospect Hall because that place looks super-fun.

Now, things I like! I saw these while trawling the web for treasures and I thought they were cool.

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Also, there’s this artist named Myriam Dion and she does papercuts with newspapers that are ethereal and delicate and very creative.

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Diametric opposites.

January 28th, 2014

I haven’t had a chance to post about these things, but I went to two rather different events recently. First, I went to see Mythbusters: Behind the Scenes Tour.

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Even though it was clearly geared towards their primary audience (11-year-old boys) I enjoyed myself quite a bit. Cricket came with me and I don’t think he liked it nearly as much due to the fact that he actually took adult-type science classes in high school like chemistry and physics. I did none of that. My senior year of high school I was assigned to Biology for Football Players and Poets where all we did was watch National Geographic videos. The school had given up on us at that point, probably for the best. My classmates and I were not going to be working in a lab anytime soon. But, due to my child-like knowledge of science, I found many of the experiments Jamie and Adam did on stage fascinating. They did this thing where a small boy from the audience lifted a chubby man simply by altering the pivot point of a lever and I was all, “Magic!” Cricket turned to me with a dumbfounded expression and said, “Yeah, it’s basic physics. It’s a lever. You didn’t know that would happen? Have you never lifted anything?” and I responded that I had not and Cricket was disappointed in me, the Rye school system and humanity in general. I learned what a “Bleve” is, and I learned that Adam grew up in Sleepy Hollow and his mom was in the audience (she stood up and we all cheered, it was very nice). During the audience Q&A, someone asked Adam what the scariest myth he worked on and he refused to answer because his mother is not allowed to watch that episode. The finale was taking an audience member, dressing him up in a medieval suit of armor and firing paintballs at him with one of those giant guns that you see in war footage. I found a video online and while you can’t see much, you can hear it.

http://youtu.be/8LaPnDx4t9A?t=37s

Great finale. If it comes to your town and you know a kid around the age of 11, take them because they will love it.

The other thing I went to was NOT geared towards children and while informative, it was not educational in nature. I went to see Nutcracker Rouge.

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I saw online that Shelly Watson was performing in it, and I loved her so much at Gotham Burlesque that I decided to go and check it out. It is a rough retelling of the Nutcracker ballet with elements of circus arts, burlesque and cabaret and it was, without a doubt, THE GAYEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN. I don’t mean “gay” in that unacceptable derogatory way meaning “lame” or “less than,” I mean “gay” like “The Logo Channel would explode from this.” Shelly did an operatic version of Madonna’s “Material Girl” in French. That gay. Look, see for yourself.

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I had a jolly good time. The audience was comprised of 75% meticulously groomed gay male couples and 25% other. There was a bunch of elderly foreign tourists in line with me at the ticket-taker’s station, I suspect they saw the sign and thought, “Huh, I guess we’ll go see this performance of The Nutcracker,” and I really wish I could have seen their faces when, near the end, the entire cast forms a can-can line where everyone is humping everyone else. Is this what you expected, Nana and Pop-Pop? Is it? I don’t want to tell you too much in case you go to see it next year, but my two favorite people was the woman who played the peppermint candy cane, Courtney Giannone. I found a picture of her online.

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She performed in that gigantic hula hoop that spins and I always expect their fingers to get crushed but they don’t. Here, a video of one in action. She did it all topless and smiling, and her back muscles were intense. I wanted to chew on them. Here’s another pic I found of Courtney.

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The other person I loved was a woman named Katrina Cunningham. She was a lovely dancer and singer and I found out later she is a graduate of SUNY Purchase’s Dance Conservatory! Hooray alma mater!* Katrina was beautiful and she helped answer a question that has been plaguing me for years: who the hell buys that crazy giant sparkle-encrusted jewelry and the dresses so covered in rhinestones and sequins they weigh eighty pounds? These people do. This cast does. Katrina wore several.

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So if you’re looking for a sexy opulent good time held together by a threadbare plot, this is what you need. There are chandeliers as stage lights. People do ballet wearing stag horns. Cannons shoot glitter all over the audience. Cross-dressing flamenco dancing. Drag queens. Whips and leather. Absolutely delightful.

 

*I didn’t graduate from the Dance Conservatory. I was in the Theater Arts Conservatory, but I still like to look out for my fellow conservatory graduates because hooo boy does being in a conservatory suck.

SLEEPY.

January 22nd, 2014

Ugh, this week. My job wanted me to make a book for a upscale hard liquor and the exact note I got was, “Make it nightclub, lounge, cityscapes, hot girls dancing. Think glamorous sluts.” I was like, “Uhhhhh, have you met me? My idea of a perfect evening involves Japanese takeout, lying in bed wearing a housedress and watching a marathon of Lockup/Lockdown/Jail. I am not your target audience.” But as an arteeste, I must step out of the confines of my life in order to appeal to a brand that appeals to…people who like glamorous sluts. Sigh. Anyway, I stayed up a couple of nights and I think I did a pretty good job. Way to explore my non-demographic. I smudged any information I thought would get me in trouble if I shared publicly.

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Charty chart charts.

January 21st, 2014

While I work on a bunch of projects to get finished before I leave for Japan (OMG HOLY BADGER-CRAPS I’M GOING TO JAPAN IN THREE WEEKS) I wanted to enjoy some charts while I’m being a busy beaver.

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And Buzzfeed had a marvelous article that I wanted to share here:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/justinabarca/movie-quotes-as-equations-are-insanely-hilarious

Kitchen evolution.

January 11th, 2014

I’m so happy, my kitchen is gettin’ done! What makes it even better is if there’s one thing I dislike, it’s complicated instructions and manual labor. Neenernator’s honey-booboo and his friend the carpenter are working on it for me, which makes it as close to magic as I’ll ever get. For those who also want to bring their dream kitchen to life, institutions like the top trade schools in Detroit are renowned for producing skilled carpenters. With hands-on training in modern techniques and materials, students master everything from cabinetry to custom installations like the ones made by Custom Closets Hudson Valley. Experienced instructors provide valuable insights, ensuring graduates are job-ready. This blend of education and practical experience creates top-notch carpenters, ready to transform anyone’s culinary space. If you need help to help improve your kitchen, contact Nelson Tile and Stone to create a functional one and make sure to meet your practical needs.

I leave for work, kitchen unfinished. I return home, kitchen more finished. That’s my Harry Potter experience, people.

See, look:

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(The blue is a protective coating. The cabinets are actually white.)

I’ve started working on the backsplash design. It’s going to be a mosaic with goldfish. Over the goldfish will be the pattern of the water ripples. The ripples will be silver tile, but when a ripple crosses over a fish, it turns gold. Here’s the rough sketch I came up with for the oven ‘n’ cooktop wall. You can get an idea.

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I’m not going to fuss with that until the boys finish doing whatever they’re doing, hooking up sinks and putting on door handles. But there’s nothing wrong with getting a head-start.

Addendum 1/23/2014: I’ve worked a bit harder on a look for my backsplash. Now there are drop shadows. The fish are smaller. I think it’s better.

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