The holidays approacheth, and so I present to you… Pigeon and Rat.

November 18th, 2009

I love, NAY, I adore pigeons. My mom always tells people that when I was a child, she would take me to beautiful European cities, like Amsterdam and Rome and London and Brussels, and all I would care about is the pigeons. I realize they have icky bad things that live on them, but I love them nonetheless. Same goes for rats. Every time I’m in a subway, I stare into the tracks hoping to see a wee furry plump rodent. If I do, it officially becomes a good day for me. So, in honor of this affection for my fellow city-dwellers, I am making a tree ornament with a pigeon and rat.

pigeon rat

And the back side of each character has a lovely design that I created incorporating the silhouettes of both the pigeon and rat.

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If you are one of those people who likes alternative ornaments on your tree (yes, you, the one with the hand-blown glass pickle), then this might be right up your alley. And since it is not branded Christmas, this ornament looks just as good hanging on the wall, or off a doorknob year ’round. Now, you’re probably saying, “Where can I purchase this delightful trinket that will surely bring joy to my family for years to come and will most likely become a family heirloom, cherished by my grandchilden long after I have shuffled off this mortal coil?” Well, that’s my next surprise. And on Black Friday, all shall be revealed! (It would be really great if you would visual me swirling a cape dramatically around my head while you read that last line. Thanks so much.)

Remember, nothing says Happy Holidays like vermin!

An artist you should know: Tom Gauld.

November 11th, 2009

I was very sad when Edward Gorey passed away; There was a hole that needed to be filled. He created droll, macabre, witty, dark pen-and-ink drawings and I didn’t know about anyone who did anything similar. Now, I’ve recently discovered Tom Gauld. He’s a illustrator who lives in London and makes weekly drawings for The Guardian. They are droll and macabre and witty and dark pen-and-ink drawings. Don’t get me wrong, the drawings are very different from Gorey’s, but they are alike in all the good ways. Gauld also makes a great many references to literature (Gorey made references to ballet, film, and opera), which makes me happy. Hooray for smart people, and the smart cartoons they read! Here’s a selection of some of my favorite Gauld pieces.

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Tom Gauld has stuff for sale, so you can own an original Gauld! Check out his website: http://www.tomgauld.com/

Links.

November 9th, 2009

http://wedinator.com/

Bad, bad wedding choices. Just really bad. And wrong. Did I mention bad? Although, I must say, I kind of want someone to make me a balloon dress:

funny-wedding-photos-pop

http://ugliesttattoos.com/

More horrendous tattoo choices. Wow.

The healthful benefits of fried food.

November 9th, 2009

As I have mentioned before, I work in Koreatown, which is a wonderful area if you like spicy food with lots of vegetables and rice (which I do). I pass tons of restaurants which show pictures of their food with a lot of comments like this: “Tofu cooked in mineral water to aid digestion” or “Our kimchi has healthful elements to prevent disease”, all of which is fine. Snorth, the other day, told me about this amazing Korean fried chicken place called Bon Chon. So I went to their website.

http://www.bonchon.com/eng/

Okay, fine, you make life-alteringly delicious fried chicken. Why must you repeat that it is healthy and low-calorie? It’s FRIED CHICKEN. Do you remember when KFC had that horrendously written commercial campaign? It was the one where they said, “You know, if you strip the skin and breading off of our fried chicken, it’s really quite healthy,” and America, as a group, was like OH FOR REAL COME ON do not compare your processed fried chicken to a big bowl of dark green arugula and kale PLEASE KTHX. I’m having flashbacks of that with Bon Chon. Also, for engrish, it’s pretty stellar. Here are some quotes about the signature Bon Chon taste secret:

We use only vegetable oils to fry our chicken. Along with our special sauce, this process eliminates oil and water from the chicken so that it can create lean and crispy tastes. (OH FOR REAL COME ON, etc.)
The initial flavor of the fried chicken decelerates as the temperature cools down.
You hand remains almost free form our ingredient sauce.
Your fingers and hands should remain free from its sauce because the sauce and ingredients remain intact with the chicken.

Halloween Part II.

November 2nd, 2009

Went to NYC for Halloween this year to see my friend Jon Riedel’s annual dance performance. You know how a lot of ballet companies do The Nutcracker? Jon does a choreographed interpretation of several of Edward Gorey’s short stories. He does The Evil Garden, The Doubtful Guest and The Gashleycrumb Tinies, as well as others. If you’re around next Halloween, I highly recommend seeing them. Here’s a link to his site:
http://www.riedeldancetheater.org/

The Riedel Dance Theater was in Soho, so I got to see quite a few terrific costumes. There’s a problem with Manhattan and Halloween, which is that the normally weird and slightly “off” people you know to avoid just blend in, and you can’t tell the people dressed up as freaky people from the truly freaky people. Like this woman I saw at the train station. I took a picture surreptitiously from behind a sign, so it’s not so great, but I’ll walk you though it.

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Okay, so she’s got the big sparkly red hat with the feathers, fine. But on her body she has a tuxedo jacket and a black boa over something that resembles a fat suit for her knees, or a flesh-colored mushroom. She gave me the impression that today was just another day to her (“Ho hum, it’s Monday, time to put on the Vegas headdress and the goiter pants”). Had this not been Halloween, I would have had the crazy radar go off BEEP BEEP BEEP and I would have known to stay away. Such a confusing day.

I saw two costumes that were terrific. One was a poke at my heartstrings, because it was one of my favorite Muppets: Beaker.

beaker

The mouth flapped and everything! You can see his eyeholes right under his collar. The second costume, well, that was just special. And if you’re of a delicate nature, maybe you should stop reading right now. At Jon’s party, someone was dressed as a full moon. Here was the front of his costume:

full-moon-front

Aaaaaand here was the back.

full-moon-back

Yeah.

Halloween. And the fishtank. Mainly the fishtank.

November 1st, 2009

It’s Halloween again, as it seems to be every year, and this year due to a truly psychotic work week (I enjoy working 36 hours in three days, no, really, I do) I did not have an opportunity to make or even care about a costume. So I did not. I did, however, get a great idea for next year’s costume (the tooth fairy, but not how you’re thinking, a more creepy-like tooth fairy). But back to the story: my friend Neenernator had her annual Halloween party a week early this year because she wasn’t going to be around this weekend, so Cricket and I went. And it was lovely. Out of the many vaguely steampunk slash gothic sluts at the party, Neenernator was by far the best one.

nina

She actually took some time to decorate her house for Halloween, which really doesn’t take a ton of effort for her because Neenernator’s house is already pretty macabre to begin with. There’s deep maroon and mustard-colored walls, and that slate wall with the antique wood stove you see there in the picture (also the red velvet curtains, please notice those as well) and Bob the Real Human Skull sitting on the mantle keeping company with the small shark in formaldehyde, and the light that resembles an alien brain, all that stuff is permanent house fixtures all year round. So for Halloween she could pretty much hang that creepy bat thing from the chandelier and call it a day. But no, she really made it unpleasant (she had a gross fake decomposing severed head as a knife block and red Jell-o with eyeballs in the blender) and I spent a lot of time not in the kitchen with those things. Honestly, I spent very little time socializing and most of my time with the fishtank. I have an unhealthy obsession with Neenernator’s fishtank. I’ve mentioned it before. Sadly, one member of her giant blue fish couple died, so now only one is left. But she got new different fish, so I ended staring at them for three hours. I also learned an important life lesson, which is that it is incredibly difficult to take pictures of fish in a fishtank. The tank blasts the flash right back at you, and the fish are constantly moving around, and the camera doesn’t know what to focus on, it’s an opportunity rife with failure. Here are my best attempts.

First, the gigantor tank.

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Shy iridescent gray fish.

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Albino pleco (suckerfish).

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One of them cool new fishies. It’s a golden striped iridescent something-or-other, with catfish whiskers. I heart them big time.

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And here are two pictures Neenernator during the daytime that are far better. You can see the lonely blue fella. You see the vertical version? You see those diamond-shaped ones with the stripes and the little orange ones underneath them? I bought her those. I’m very attached to those ones.

aqaurium1 aquarium2

A Where The Wild Things Are Review.

October 26th, 2009

Yeah, so I saw the movie. Alas, it was meh. I realize the book only has ten sentences, does the movie only get ten sentences too? Here’s a personal thing: I actively dislike movies with copious amounts of poignant staring. You know, the actors just looking, attempting to evoke emotion while gazing at someone or something for what seems like hours. WTWTA was chock-full of that. This would have probably made an excellent short film, like thirty minutes long. I wanted to smack Max as well, he was such an ideal candidate for Aderall or Ritalin. I mean, if I bit my mother because she was on a date, my mom would have pulled a Boo Radley and locked me in the basement until all my melanin went away and I relied on sonar to get around. The monsters were amusing to me because they were Jewish New York monsters. Really. Two of them were named Judith and Ira, and they were all neurotic and emotional. It was like watching my family (except with less hair! Ha ha! I have a furry family! Eastern European heritage can be sucky. But I digress.). In the book, they really don’t talk and kind of just express emotions through yelling and running and gnashing teeth, where as in the movie, it’s like a damn group therapy session. James Gandolfini is a terrific voice actor, so that was great, and there were these two side characters named Bob and Terry that were amusing, but other than that, it felt like kind of a slog. I think if I had rented it, I would have turned it off partway through.

Pretty pretty cupcakes.

October 20th, 2009

But first, spam! Spam that has been sent to my comments, as you know, periodically tries to mask its intent in order for me to approve it and allow it on through. It has tried complete gibberish, and unintentionally poetic phrases, and false inducing of pity, and random collections of proverbs. Now the new tack, which I happen to like very much, is to tell me a charming childhood joke, like one you might find in Highlights magazine.

jokey-spam

This cracks me up, because now I want to tell people jokes and then yell a medication’s name after the punchline. “What do cats put in their drinks? Mice cubes. LEVITRA!!”

Now, on to cupcakes. I went to a lovely party on Saturday night for a girl I went to college with, her 30th birthday party. Lini, the birthday girl, is bringing back the 1950s house arts in a big way. She made a German chocolate cake with what I referred to as “aggressive frosting.” You know how most people attempt to make frosting as smooth and uniform as possible? Not Lini. Lini put smashed pecans and coconut shreds in it so it looked like it was furry and alive. It reminded me of that monster book from Harry Potter, like if I got to close to the cake teeth would just SPRING OUT from nowhere and there would be snarling and gnashing and whatnot. I swear it heard it growling. But it was delish, so whatever. Anyway, Lini and I were talking about how much we love cake decorating shows because, hey, they’re decorating something. And then you get to eat it! And in addition to the German chocolate cake, we had cupcakes, which inspired me to share some really gorgeous cupcake designs with y’all.

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And my personal favorite, because it reminds me of my childhood:

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Wedding in Lake George.

October 19th, 2009

My co-worker C. got married, and I got invited to her wedding in Lake George Village. Lake George, for those of you who don’t know, is in the upper part of New York State, approximately 90 miles from Montreal. On one of the banks is Lake George Village. It was quite the summer resort town back in the 1950s and 1960s, and a great deal of the buildings are still left over from then.

This is the lake from our hotel room. The area is heavily peppered with hotels and motels, apparently the population goes from about 1,000 to 15,000 in the summer. Ergo, many hotels.

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And the stores/restaurants/amusements are charming and quaint and delightful. I took some pictures of the more dated and adorable elements.

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You can’t really appreciate it because I was zipping past it in a car, but off to the left of that shot is a wax museum. You can see a bit of it.

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And this is supposedly the oldest minigolf course in… someplace, maybe the Adirondacks, maybe New York, something like that.

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And I couldn’t get a shot of it, but there is a Tiki Resort right near the minigolf course.

lakegeorge-tikilodge

The town just screams, “No one puts Baby in a corner!”

So, the wedding. It was lovely, except for some poor teenage boy who had to read a passage from the Song of Songs that was clearly written with a woman’s voice, so Poor Teenage Boy had to read this whole passage:

Listen! My lover!
Look! Here he comes,
leaping across the mountains,
bounding over the hills.

My lover is like a gazelle or a young stag.
Look! There he stands behind our wall,
gazing through the windows,
peering through the lattice.

My lover spoke and said to me,
“Arise, my darling,
my beautiful one, and come with me.”

Okay, first of all, if I was a socially awkward male heterosexual teenager, this would be torture for me. Second, every time he said, “lover,” how was I not supposed to think of that Saturday Night Live skit? I mean, really. Then the next kid got up for a reading and said it was St. Paul speaking to the Phillipinos. I found that endlessly amusing as well.

The rest of the wedding went smashingly, C. looked gorgeous, and everyone went outside and posed for photos while actively freezing to death.

weddingparty1 weddingparty2

We all shuttled to a lovely castle on the side of a mountain, where there was dancing and consuming of food and beverage until late into the night.

reception1 reception2

The best part of dinner was that it was a buffet, so there weren’t herds of waiters tromping around with large trays of food, passive-aggressively deciding when dancing was to cease (“Well, you can keep dancing, but you’re food will get cold. I’m just sayin’…”). You could get what you wanted when you wanted. And they also brought out The Meat.

themeat1

It took two people to carry it out. It reminded me of those ribs that Fred Flintstone gets and they put it in his car and his car tips over. It was enormous. Really.

Here are children in awe of The Meat. Or perhaps they got sucked into it’s gravitational pull. Can’t be sure.

themeat2

And then the wedding ended and we went back to the hotel for the afterparty. Here is the beautiful blushing bride playing beer pong with one of the groomsmen, Ham.

beerpong

It was a lovely wedding experience all around. I went to bed about 1:30 a.m. because I am weak and frail, but from what I understand, the revelry didn’t end until way after the sun came up.

Addendum: Apparently, at 3:00 a.m., C.’s 80-year-old grandma played beer pong as well… with scotch. Gramma is hard-core.

More linky-links.

October 15th, 2009

http://www.regretsy.com/
It’s all about bad crafts. For sale. On Etsy. And lemme tell you, there are some REALLY bad crafts out there. Whatever appalling thing you can think of? Worse than that.

http://thatwillbuffout.com/
It’s pictures of cars that be eight kinds of broke. It’s the titles that kill me, though. This one is a favorite:

buffout

http://www.womenwithmustaches.com
I think that’s fairly self-explanatory. The lack of Frida Kahlo as the mascot is saddening, though. She was the queen of lady ‘staches.

frida kahlo