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Four things I’ve noticed on television today.

December 14th, 2008

1. Sean John/Diddy has a new perfume out and it’s called “I Am King”. I have low self-esteem and now I think I know where it all went. Piffy Puffy Poofy got it all, and maybe someone else’s as well. Goodness gracious, that’s a lot of narcissism.

2. While watching the Christmas commercial for Victoria’s Secret, I realized Heidi Klum can have twenty-seven kids and a stroke and she would still be the hottest woman in the whole freakin’ world. Heidi is HOTT, all caps, two “t”s.

3. Just saw a commercial for Jim Carrey’s new movie Yes Man. I don’t really want to see it, but there’s a scene where Jim goes to a Harry Potter costume party and for a split-second someone wearing a Dobby mask walks through the shot. Frankly, that’s kind of awesome. Now I think I’m going to have to see it. Oh, and I just watched the preview… yeah, I’m going to have to see it. Expect a review eventually.

4. Have you seen the recent Campbell’s/Progresso soup ads? SO MUCH DRAMA. Soup commercials used to be, “Our soup is delicious! Try it!” Now it’s like the east coast/west coast rap wars.

“7 out of 10 people prefer our soup!”
“No, they don’t, they prefer ours!”
“Your soup tastes crappy!”
“Well, your soup has msg!”
“Your mother has msg!”
“Oh, kiss my soupy-”
*bang bang bang*

People, it’s SOUP. It’s a wet version of “real” food. Build a bridge and get over it.

Posted in Advertising, Tasty 'n' Delicious, The Telly | No Comments »

Review of Milk. Short version: You should go see it. It’s good.

December 12th, 2008

Sorry about the lackadaisical blogging lately. You know, for an economy in crisis, I have had more work than ever. There was the annual meeting on Wednesday, and the CEO wanted pictures of everyone in the agency for a slide show while people were entering the auditorium. Guess who had to go take pictures of everyone, therefore sealing my fate as the most-disliked person in the agency? That would be me. Because I felt so guilty for taking everyone’s picture, I then spent hours and hours photoshopping everyone – taking out zits and red eye and bags under said red eyes, etc. Never mind the regular work I had to do. It was tiring, to say the least. But the meeting went smashingly and that’s what really matters to me. Yay, Team Presentations!

Before the mega-workathon began, I got to see a preview showing of Milk, with Emile Hirsch, Josh Brolin, James Franco, Allison Pill and Gus Van Sant in a Q-and-A afterward. Let’s start with an overall review: Good film. Not the best film I’ve ever seen (that would be Shawshank Redemption), but damn good. I’m forlorn because now Sean Penn is going to get Best Actor at the Oscars for his stellar performance as Harvey Milk. I really wanted Frank Langella to get Best Actor for Frost/Nixon. I haven’t seen the film yet, but I saw the play that the movie is taken directly from, same title actors, and Frank was KILLER. Super-awesome. And now he’s not going to get it. Sniff, whimper. The plot seems overly dramatic, but I found out later that all the things I thought were smudged by the director to make the story more interesting were true. Like Harvey Milk’s lover killing himself in an elaborate way the night before he was elected to office. And the way (*MAJOR SPOILER that you should know about anyway because this is a historical event that happened thirty years ago, but I’m giving you a heads-up out of courtesy*) Dan White kills Harvey Milk, and then blames it on Twinkies. Twinkies made him kill. For reals, people. Can’t make that stuff up. Also, I thought I had a vague grasp on the homosexual scene in America, and I was wrong. I had no idea that in my lifetime, a law was passed in some states that made it completely acceptable to not hire someone, or to deny someone the right to live in your area because they were gay. And if you were a teacher and openly gay, you could be fired. And if you supported an openly gay teacher, you could be fired. I was shocked. I thought outright prejudice against gays was like, a dusty ancient black-and-white-photos thing, not something that was happening fairly recently. It really threw me. And in San Francisco, a place I thought that was one of the most welcoming cities towards gays. Shocking.
Two interesting side notes: One, Emile Hirsch recently starred in a movie called Into The Wild, produced by Sean Penn, and now he’s starring in a film with Sean Penn as an actor. When asked how that was for him, Emile said, “It’s difficult playing a game with your coach,” which I thought was a cool way of putting it. And James Franco, when asked what it was like to kiss Sean Penn, said, “You get another man’s 1970s mustache in your mouth. And I couldn’t stop thinking, ‘Hey, I’m kissing Spicoli!” I thought that was hysterical.

If you don’t get the Spicoli reference, you should rent Fast Times at Ridgemont High. It is a classic American film, and even if you don’t like the film, it’s referenced all the time in popular culture, so you’ll be more “hip”.

Addendum on December 15th: I was watching Reelz Channel today, and they were saying Mickey Rourke might get Best Actor for a film called The Wrestler. What the hell is this? People just be comin’ out of the woodwork with nominations. FRANK OR SEAN. That’s it.

Posted in Movie and Book Reviews. Possibly With Spoilers., The Telly | No Comments »

I would like to give props to my homies (insert gang sign here).

December 4th, 2008

Normally, I don’t use people’s real names here because I don’t know if they want to be written about on a blog. However, today will be different. Recently, two people that I went to college with or worked with are REPREZENTIN’ and I want to bring your attention to them.

First, I went to SUNY Purchase for my BFA and studied in the Conservatory of Theater Arts and Design (major: Set Design). You know how there’s always someone in your class who you know is a winner and will succeed because they’re just that terrific? Jason Lyons was in my class (major: Lighting Design). Immediately, he was that guy, a “Most Likely To Kick A Copious Amount Of Ass In His Chosen Major” type of person. I was more of the “Most Likely To Be Not Here Next Semester” type. Or the “Most Likely To Snap Late One Night And Shove A Drafting Tool Into Her Eye” type. So, now about ten years have passed since we graduated (him – with honors, me – not so much), and I get an email about a comedian I like a lot, Mike Birbiglia. Lo and behold, Mike has a show off-Broadway.

And would you look who did his lighting.

Look at that resume. LOOK AT IT. Boy’s makin’ good. I am so proud of him. I mean, it wasn’t in doubt for a second, but still, it’s nice to see the best thing possible happen to talented people. I should also add that Jason is a super-nice person and should you happen to make his acquaintance, you will see that for yourself. Go see Mike Birbiglia’s show. Mike is great, and I guarantee he will be well-lit.

Second, I worked at BBDO for about five years, and I met a variety of art directors and such in my time there. One of those people was Jayson Atienza. He has a distinct painting style and his main canvas is shoes. I built his website for him originally as a side gig when I was at BBDO. The other day I was in Pylones and saw a book called Custom Kicks.

It’s an excellent book, full of really cool ideas. And not only does Jayson get his own page, he gets the closing page as well.

Jayson is also possibly the only person who can look good in a mullet. Really. Not bad at all.

So I just want to say congratulations to Jason and Jayson and I wish them a ton more success. It’s always so wonderful to see that.

Addendum: Here are a few pics from Custom Kicks that I thought we also excellent representations of sneaker adornment. Good design.

Posted in My Art/Design/Business, New York, Random Art Bloggery | No Comments »

The Thanksgiving Day Parade.

November 30th, 2008

One of the reasons I took the job at Publicis is because it is in Herald Square directly across from Macy’s, which makes it ideal for watching the Annual Thanksgiving Day Parade. I have always wanted to see the parade, so I have been planning my seating situation for months now. I scoped out the best seats, I bribed people, I had to sell a kidney, but it all worked out. Aside from the “waking up at 6:00 a.m. when it’s still dark out” part, it was pretty awesome.

Mom came with me, which was lovely. We got there before the parade began, so we got to watch the cheerleaders who open the show practice their routine.

Before we really get into this, let me tell you how annoying that tree was. See it? The last tree in New York with leaves on it? The one blocking half my view? I hate that tree. I hate it with a white-hot hate. Stupid crappy tree.

So the cheerleaders did their thing and shook their red sparkly pompoms and Meredith Viera and Matt Lauer went into their booth, and then… I spent the rest of the parade guessing what was happening. I can’t tell you how important the newscasters are to the parade-watching process. You really spend a great deal of time not knowing what is going on and why. Luckily, I am a massive Broadway nerd, so I could immediately figure out all of the Broadway shows (The Heights, White Christmas, The Little Mermaid, South Pacific) but since most of the floats were partially cut off by the STUPID TREE, I was flummoxed by many of the activities below. I totally missed the best float:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wL-hNMJvcyI

I love Foster’s Home For Imaginary Friends, and the parade being rickrolled? Missed that too. So sad. *mimics tear running down cheek*

The Rockettes welcomed the parade to Herald Square. Their precision reminded me of Lipizanner horses, those Viennese precision horses that do perfect maneuvers in arenas. I’ve seen them three or four times. Here’s a link:

http://www.lipizzaner.com/home.asp

There are two things you can count on when you see the Lipizanners: one, they will be in perfect formation and two, some of the horses will take massive dumps while performing. The Rockettes did well on #1, but no #2. Literally and figuratively.

Then the cops came in with their motorcycles a-flashin’ and it was all very exciting, except that the Rockettes (who you can see lined up there) split in half and did a Heil Hitler thing to welcome the cops in, which was flat-out creepy.

Frankly, there was a great deal there that reminded me of World War II. If you watched a great deal of PBS or, later on when cable came to your house, The Hitlery Channel, you saw a great deal of people in large groups marching in precision. So every time a band turned down the street, I felt like the next thing I would hear would be, “The Allied Forces realized that they would need the full power of their combined armies to blah blah blabity blah…”

The view we had was ideal for watching balloons come by. We could see them for a good ten minutes. I was thrilled to see some of my childhood standards make their way by. I will say I definitely got a little misty-eyed when Kermit came by. I gots a big ole soft spot for Jim Henson.

I also got some pictures of the odd float here and there. I tried to figure out who was performing on what float. I deduced Idina Menzel was performing on one float because I could tell by her voice wafting up to the window (she’s a Broadway performer and was in one of my favorite shows Wicked, so I can recognize her voice very quickly), but other than that, I was pretty lost. There was a male country singer, some teeny-boppers and a Native American performer.

I knew Miley Cyrus would be singing on a float, and when I saw this big stone rhino coming down the street with people rock-climbing and scaling it and then heard a woman singing on it (I couldn’t see her, of course, because of the STUPID TREE AAAARGH). I assumed it was Miley, and then I tried to guess what the stone rhino represented.

The best thing I could come up with is the stone rhino represents her strong Christian values and will to keep her virginity, and the people scaling the rhino are the bad influences trying to break her down, but no, her stone rhino will stay intact until marriage. As represented by a float in the parade. Probably not. I couldn’t think of anything better. Then I saw this float and thought that maybe Miley was on this float, because it was super-girlie-looking:

And maybe she was. I still don’t know what float she was on, and frankly I don’t care. I REALLY want it to be the stone rhino, and I REALLY want the stone rhino to represent her maidenhead, but I’m guessing I’m wrong on both counts and that’s fine.

It was nice to see some staples that I’ve been seeing since I was a wee tot, like the turkey that blinks and looks totally demented, and the Macy’s balloon that looks like… a balloon (revolutionary!) and the sparkly gold Macy’s stars.

My favorite moment was when Alvin Ailey Dance Group performed the piece I like best choreographed by him, Wade In The Water:

And were followed by a Keith Haring balloon. Awesome moment. Awesome.

I’m sure there was a ton I missed, because both Mom and I were falling asleep by 10:45. We collected ourselves and headed home by 11:30, so we missed Santa coming into Herald Square, but maybe I’ll do this again next year and then I’ll see Santa.

Posted in Advertising, New York, Stuff, The Telly | 1 Comment »

I went to the Cat Show, and I realized that if I was a pet owner, I would not be weird at all. Not even a little.

November 24th, 2008

There was a cat show this past weekend in my town on White Plains, so I couldn’t not go. Like, five minutes from my house. Too close, too easy. I’ve been to cat shows before and the cats are fine, but the swirl of sheer cat-hysteria that surrounds them is what I really wanted to document. I only stayed for an hour, but I think I truly captured the goodness to be had.

This year, much to my happiness, I saw a great many sphinxes. I think since Austin Powers, sphinxes have grown in popularity. I was greeted by one shortly after entering. I call him Gollum.

What was unusual about this particular sphinx cat is while they normally don’t have any fur, they usually have, oh, I don’t know, FLESH on their, whaddyacallems, BONES. You see that paw there with the webbing? Wait ’til Gollum stretches out his little feline phalanges.

His paw is like an anatomy lesson. Tendons, bones, all clearly exposed for your nauseous pleasure. A close-up? Why, certainly:

Moving on. The best thing about a cat show, without a doubt, is how the owners choose to deck out their cages. (The cat’s cages, not the owner’s cages. The owners were not in cages. To my knowledge, at least.) They PIMP those cages, hard. It was often difficult to see the cat within. Don’t believe me? Behold:

Not only do they decorate the cages, they put little photos and messages and whatnot all over them. There’s a big concern about kitty flu and leukemia, so you see a great many signs that say things like, “Please don’t pet me even if I beg”, but this one was special.

Rhyming verse AND that drippy blood horror font. Lovely. When I look at that, I think of Outbreak, the movie with Dustin Hoffman. I’ll be petting your kitties, and the next thing I know I have a cough and I’m bleeding from the eyes. Thanks for that.

People also put little charming touches around the cages. This one says Sgt. Pawper’s Lonely Sharp Claws Band. I’d make fun of it if the Photoshopping was bad, but it isn’t, so I am kind of impressed. They even replaced the hands with little paws. Good show, Team Beatles, good show. May your large fluffy Maine Coons win lots of ribbons.

Speaking of maine coons, there was this one worn out kitty. When we came over, the owner tried to rouse this tuckered-out fella with a stick that had a fluffy thing on it, and he gamely batted at it with one paw for a few seconds before he was clearly over it. Look at his lovely paw fluffs. Quite a pleasant change from Gollum and his medical textbook toes.

There were several tie-tie kitties. It was Day 2 of the cat show, nearing the end of the day, and everyone was running out of steam.

Meanwhile, people were carrying their cats from show area to show area, and I intercepted several of them to give smootchies and love. Like this exquisite Chartruese cat doing, as Snorth said, her best impression of Princess Diana.

Then, ohmigod, she had to look at fingers! So entrancing, the fingers!

There was this guy hanging around. I christened him Old Man. As in, “Hey, you kids! Get off my lawn!” The cat’s not old, he was just bred to look disgruntled all the time. I think this breed is called Perpetually In Line At The Post Office.

Now, at dog shows, the dogs, well, show. Here, with cats, you kinda just gotta manhandle them into however you want them. You stretch them out like sausages and squeeze them and do whatever it is you need to to judge them accurately. I have some pictures of this.

I took this picture because I loved how photogenic the cats in the back looked.

Dignity. I do not has it.

The true piece de resistance I left for last. As you can imagine, there are many things for sale – climbing trees, various foods and toys, etc. – as well as cat outfits. SERIOUS cat outfits, not just some socks or a sweater. Now, let’s all look at this sphinx modelling this lovely number with matching hat. Take it all in, people.

Interestingly, this cat wasn’t trying to run away or kill itself, as I would if I was freakish genetically altered cat wearing a vibrant “Extra in the Wizard of Oz” costume with festive feather. The cat apparently likes it. It’s A-OK with it.

Recently, a famous blogger Rich from FourFour documented the cat show in Madison Square Garden on video, so if this wasn’t quite enough cat show, you can watch his take on it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgU44_hrSB0

Posted in Beastiesbeastiesbeasties, Stuff | 1 Comment »

Mental Detritus.

November 19th, 2008

I have nothing terribly interesting to report about anything going on at my end, only that I’ve been working like a dog and I hope to go see August: Osage County with my father tonight. I’ve seen it once already, but it’s a new American Classic kind of play, and there’s lots of psychological tension, and my father loves that kind of thing. He’s been a good boy and finished all his vegetables, so I thought I would reward him.

1. Ruby came with Nelly to work the other day. On the same day, Harley came to work with Mili. It was a day that included much petting and snuggling.

This is Ruby being bored and doing her best impression of a worm. You can almost hear the full-body sigh.

Later on, Ruby sat on Nelly’s lap and while Nelly talked to various account people, Ruby did her best impression of a sentry, or perhaps the nekkid lady on the prow of a ship.

And Harley was not be ignored either. She’s a very sweet Yorkie. Here she is sitting on Mili’s lap while Mili coos over her, but in this pic Mili looks like she’s going to suck Harley’s brain out of her ear. Which is totally feasible, considering I’ve eaten entire burritos bigger than Harley.

I am so lucky not to have Mili’s hair. Her hair is naturally that blond (I call it “Playboy Concubine Blond”, since Hef’s “girlfriends” often sport that color), and if my hair was naturally that blond, I would consider it God’s way of saying, “It’s a blank canvas! Dye your hair green! And blue! And pink! All at the same time! You will resemble a pinata! Avoid blindfolded children carrying sticks! Go vivid or go home!” and then I would have gross Manic Panic hair all the time and my tub would look horrifying. I don’t know if you’ve ever dyed your hair with Manic Panic or any of its competitors, but your hair runs and leaks every time you wash it, and often your grout turns whatever color you have adorned yourself with and you leave rings o’ color everywhere, it’s unavoidable and extremely unnappetizing. What I’m saying is I would not be able to resist the call of the nuclear hair colors.

2. A tidbit from MetroNorth this week:
Hey, 40-something, sweating, paunchy, balding businessman reading Twilight – you look like a pedophile and you’re creeping me out. Maybe you know the movie’s coming out and you want to be current on pop culture. Maybe your daughter recommended it and you want a topic to bond with her on. No matter what your reason, I just see you hiding in bushes somewhere drooling while watching some prepube brushing her hair before bed. It’s awful and it’s not the way I want to start my day, so knock it off.

3. I was at Cricket’s house the other day. I went outside and was blinded by all the red and orange and yellow. It was overpowering on the eyes, like I imagine being in a lavender field in full bloom would be to your sense of smell. I took a picture of one small corner of it before I fell down on the driveway and had a seizure.

Posted in Beastiesbeastiesbeasties, Nature, New York, Stuff | No Comments »

Tortoise, part 3.

November 13th, 2008

I have painted highlights and lowlights and now I’m going to cut it out and mount it on a board. It will be lovely.

Posted in My Art/Design/Business | No Comments »

Music videos. Let’s watch ’em!

November 12th, 2008

Everyone’s talking about this new MTV site that supposedly has all the videos they’ve aired, ever. Which, I am sad to say, is untrue. So I’ve made a short list of some of my favorite videos that I want to share here. There will probably be several posts like this, because I always feel like I’m forgetting something, and I probably am. But we’ll start with these.

Gnarls Barkley “Crazy”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bd2B6SjMh_w
Does this really need an explanation? It’s a Rorschach test using light and dark to carve the artist’s faces out of the ink. And bugs and spiders. And a skull. That too. Gorgeous video. I actually sat down in awe when I saw it the first time.

Kanye West “The Good Life”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=su_zrW9WBVk
I wish I had worked on this video. I would have loved – LOVED – to do the animation. Also, so considerate for the deaf. Pretty much everything that is said is spelled out. Kanye is thinking of the aurally challenged, how sweet. He’s not the self-centered meanie-head everyone says he is.

Coldplay “The Scientist”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3Kd7IGPyeg
I don’t much care one way or the other about Coldplay’s music, but to have to learn your own lyrics backwards, wow, that must be hard. I like the video because it reminded me of one of my favorite movies, Memento. Very clean and emotional and stark.

Posted in Music Videos, Teh Intarwebz, The Telly | No Comments »

Halloween beasties in costume.

November 10th, 2008

Cute Overload and Martha Stewart paired up and had a contest for Best Pet Costume this past Halloween. There were tons of entries, but I culled the herd down to a few I really liked as well as a few costumes from years past, and here they are for you.